Somebody said the things we regret most are things we do in the so called "gray areas of life" in the name of personal freedom. It's never better on the other side of the fence and when the grass looks greener, we jump over to touch it, only to find that it's astro turf. Damn. It wasn't real anyway. No matter. Decompression is good. This trip will do it. Advance with confidence in the direction of your choice as long as it brings you back to the life you started from scratch. Withdrawal into that great ocean of solitude and hope that only finest sediments be deposited around you for a while. Hit the reset button for a minute and then step up to the plate.
I'll go on this ride with ya.
All you have to do is quit deciding that the excuses you got mean somethin'.