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Old 11-30-2011, 12:11 PM   #426
Fe Man
I am Iron Moran!
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Joined: May 2008
Location: Moran Nation, N. Atlanta Outpost
Oddometer: 8,512

Eagles Canyon (TX), 17-18 Dec '11 (late apps only)
Texas World Spdwy, 11-12 Feb '12 (apply by 10 Dec)
Portland Int'l Rcwy, 18-19 Feb '12 (apply by 17 Dec)

LeMons to Save Cancelled Texas F1 Race
London, England--As 2012's Austin TX Formula One race evaporated this week, 24 Hours of LeMons stepped in to save the USGP by adding an F1 class to its upcoming February 11-12 Texas World Speedway event. The series will waive its $500-or-less rule for F1 entries, reasoning that the cars will be worth less than $500 after the race.
"According to Bernie Ecclestone, the Austin deal collapsed over money," said LeMons Chief Perpetrator Jay Lamm, "specifically the State of Texas's failure to deliver a $25 million licensing fee to F1 by November 30th. Thus, opening our February race at Texas World Speedway to Formula One cars will simultaneously rescue the US Grand Prix and save Texas taxpayers a cool $24,999,500."
The group concedes that putting modern F1 cars and execreble jalopies on the same track raises organizational issues. LeMons' umbrella girls, for example, will have to lose an average of 17 pounds and 68 IQ points to meet current F1 standards. Similarly, while F1 rules prohibit tobacco advertising, LeMons happily accepts money from cigar makers, crack dealers, animal pornographers, blood-diamond sellers, and Members of Congress. ("The trouble," says Lamm, "is that the bastards ain't offering.") And several F1 pilots, most notably Massa, Hamilton, and Kobayashi, will have to take lessons in non-contact racedriving before being allowed on a LeMons track.
For more on LeMons, click here; to enter an F1 team (or your terrible Gremlin) at Texas World Speedway on 11-12 February, click here. To vote for Bring F1 to LeMons online, click here.

Contact: John "Jay" Lamm, Chief Perpetrator
5675-C Horton St, Emeryville CA 94608
510.655.5980 x23 (Jay direct)

Physics, gravity, and law enforcement are the only things that prevent me from operating at my full potential
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