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Old 12-30-2011, 08:01 AM   #705
troy safari carpente
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Joined: Nov 2005
Location: "Pearl of the sound" - f5ederation of scandwegia
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This week at the MOVIES – DAKADEMY AWARDS 2012

soundtrack intro:

Each year the annual DAKADEMY AWARDS pre- event red carpet ceremony gets underway prior to the January 1 premier with all the pomp and ceremony befitting the gala event… and this year is no exception, we cross live over to the green room at Mar del Plata Argentina to catch up with your French pre-show host; Lee D’are-Board and his gossip and form guide run down sheet for this year’s nominees;

“Bon jour madams et messieurs… welcome to ze beautiful Mar del Plata, where ze “carpet rouge” is rolled out for all the Dakar-azzi tonight!”

“We ‘ave a lovely little rap sheet ‘ere for you, to acquaint yourselves with both ‘ze stars and newcomers to ‘zis years desert gala of moto magnificence… viola”;

#1. Mike Comba: The Spanish big screen star has been one of the two leading lights of the Dakar Hollywood scene for almost a decade… In his earlier roles, interviews were often dubbed for the wider viewing publics benefit… but in recent years his media savvy has improved to match that of his incredible riding resume. Although he sometimes still uses a “stunt double” for PR purposes, there is no doubting his DAKAR pedigree… and although having showed a few chinks in the armor recently at Morocco, he usually “comes good” for the “big performances”… certainly ranks as one of the favorites to take off the OSKAR.

#2. Cyril D’Espresso: Ever the consummate professional; his preparation for this year’s DAKADEMY AWRDS – as always – has been meticulously planned… although with one minor flaw. In classic French military style, he snatched “retreat” from the jaws of unlikely victory and returned from the antipodes flying “le tricoloure” (san’s bleu/rouge). Regarded by his publicists as only a temporary setback, the white boot polish was quickly restored; and once more “le Cyril” has found his rightful place upon “center stage” on the familiar ASO theater. We are sure to see a starring role played by the French star these coming two weeks.

#3. Helder Together: The recently crowned FIM “King of the 450’s” will this year - I believe – be determined to make his presence felt center screen on the Dakar billboard. He has played strong supporting roles and minor leading parts in several big screen productions in recent seasons… rightfully earning his title as the hardest working and nicest guy in “Dakarwood”… but he has yet to have that one great “blockbuster” hit that makes a superstar! Used to making great works of art with only meager budgets (compared to the million dollar production house of the KTM studios) I believe that this year’s 45 minute penalty, for the second engine provision, will be of advantage to “Helder Together”; one who has shown already that he is conservative yet talented.

#4. Chaleco Lopez d’ Contender: The Chillean Redbullfighter has been relatively quiet since last years DAKADEMY awards… tripping over the steps on the way up the podium cannot be an easy thing to live down, for the COPEC Moviestar… but at least the lesson of “it’s not over until…” is not lost on Chaleco and his twin cylinder Aprilia home boys. I anticipate a strong showing in the opening acts, and establish himself amongst the frontrunners for an Oscar by the time intermission comes. The second half will be filled with passion and drama… but I am sure this year that Lopez d’ Contender will be calculated in his quest to hear the “…fat lady sing”.

#5. Juan Pedrero Agua? Gracias!: as waterboy to Mike Comba… Juan’s role is as clear as the mineral water he serves… that of high speed waiter to the KTM studio’s Catalunyan star…

#6. Paul Ander s Narwhale-hunter: The post boy from Norway… always punctual and well prepared, like the good scout he is, neither rain hail or shine he is always there with the packages when it’s time… Don’t see why this year’s gala should be any different, while not perhaps the “mega-star” pedigree of others in the top 10… you always can count on a sterling performance from Norways leading light.

#7. Paulo G: One of the potentially dangerous “Monster clones” from the Speedbraintrooper forces. With the BMW cloaking device now perfected after three years of fighting in the trenches… the rebels from the ice-planet Husky could be a decisive piece of the puzzle, and play a role in the battle for the supporting cast Oscars?

#8. Ruben Fair-enough: Like his KTM stablemate Juan Pedrero Agua Gracias… Ruben’s script for DAKAR (as set assistant to Mr D’Espresso) is fairly well set out from the beginning. To play the role of “Shadow d’Cyril” implicitly… and a role he will do well once more.

#9.Cody Quinn medicine man: In true Hollywood western style, the “Young Gun” US actor burst onto the stage last year with great promise… and took home the MTV award for best new talent. 12 months later, he fronts up to the red carpet again; promising to make a grab for the Oscar… Question is; has the newcomer “action hero” done the “work” to take on the established DAKADEMY stars in their own right… this isn’t method acting exactly? Reading lines and Hollywood scripts in the Nevada desert is no doubt preparation… will it be preparation enough to take on the “headliners” who regularly ply their craft throughout the year on the FIM stage?

#12. David Fretagainé (Yetagain?): Ever since King Perfecthansel’s abdication of the moto throne and subsequent conversion to the four wheeled cult, in the late 20th century… Fretagainé has largely been the Yam-Solo of the Dakar-rebels battle against the all conquering KTM armada. After several years of gallant campaigns with the Yama-rebels, he defected and joined forces with the BMW Speedbraintroopers last time, but missed getting on the shuttle to the Dakargaba system by 5 parsecs… In a shrewd move the Stormtroopers engaged a cloaking device for the 2012 battle and re-sumed their fight disguised as “Monster clones” from the iceplanet Husky. Unfortunately for Fretagainé the eveil forces of the darkside have conspired against him once more, and he will miss his walk down the red carpet this year also… having been replaced at the last minute by JMP... a regular screen guild stand in from the Spanish academy of Dakar artists. Could this be the last we ever see of the statue of David?

#10. Jordi Vilodrones: Once the understudy at KTM studios… went to the Yama-federation for a leading role… where they had some great material, and promising backing… unfortunately the producers never quite came up with a deal to take the YMF production house all the way to the green room. Now Jordi is in collaboration with one of the many KTM studio clone/drone studios on the Bordone- (sounds Italian) Ferrari (looks Austrian to me?) bikes.

#14. Casteu 3.PO: After a gallant campaign with the SHERCO forces for the last four years, the gentleman droid of rally raid has found a new home with the le’ YaMfederation. Some consistent navigation and riding from the experienced pilot and his hope of reducing the number of moteur d’utilisations from about 5 units to perhaps a more manageable level of two or so… will see le’cyborg-Dave within minutes of the leaders… not a galaxy behind.

#19. Jonah’s Treat: For many years now, the “Lone Ranger” of the United States… with the hopes of many of the Hollywood faithful pinned to his riding jersey like a silver star… This year he returns, again with his faithful sidekicks from the Rally Pan-Am Indian tribe tagging along to back him up in the annual shoot out with the other spaghetti western big names from Europe… Does he have the credits to take off this year’s Oscars…? Well, there are certainly a lot of American theater goers who would like to think so… hi ho silver…!

Supporting cast…

This year’s supporting cast has possibly as great a depth of talent as we have ever seen… while there are realistically only perhaps five or six riders with both the pedigree and production houses behind them, required to take the gold Oscar… there are another ten or so, who have what it takes to climb onto the podium, and perhaps 30 all up with legitimate designs on a top 10 billing.

Polish foreign film stars Pryzgonski and Czachor have been there before, as have Euro’s Verhoeven, Pain and the African import Duclos. Add to this internationally experienced cast, names like Dutchman Knuiman, Spaniard Farres, Slavic Stanovnik, the Swede military iceman; Berglund, or the flamboyant Brazillians Ze Helio and Zanol… wow! What a movie!

And don’t forget the wookies!

Joining this galaxy of stars are some notable new comers… and some of these wookies won’t have the fur knocked off them too easily

France’s Johnny Aubert, UK export Sam Sunderland and NZ/Springbok hybrid Chris Birch should make many of the more experienced 450 rebels rattle their light sabers during the course of things…

Just casually looking down the title credits, it would seem that the depth of talent in the rankings from 30 through 100 or so is more competitive than perhaps ever before? Has the ASO screen guilds 450 salary cap attracted a greater depth of talent…? Have more production houses seen this as the opportunity to return from the wings to the big screen…? I predict that the timecard sheets for positions 30 thru 80 will be closely fought for the first week of this years DAKAR…

Ladies and gentlemen… for your viewing pleasure… DAKAR 2012
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