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Old 11-14-2012, 06:35 PM   #13
Beastly Adventurer
Joined: May 2008
Location: Kenmore, Washington
Oddometer: 1,211
Tblume really didnít ask about choosing suicide over living. His question was probably whether it was better to take some risk in life or try to avoid it altogether, or at least, that's what I read into it.

The young man in the video looks tormented to me, and is hinting to his children that he wonít be around for their future. It leads me to believe he has taken his own life, but the story hasnít unfolded for the Youtube audience (ah, modern society).

On a beautiful Indian Summer day in October, 1988, my 28 year old brother spattered his brains across the bedroom wall of a rental apartment on lower Queen Anne hill, leaving the family to clean up the mess. At the time I was left to wonder why he didnít at least wait until a slut gray morning in January to act against his demons. Then I could maybe relate, just a little, to the selfish idiot. That was where my head was at, then.

Now, I understand that suicide is escape from pain. We who are not in pain canít relate. Some of us who are in pain can embrace it and live on, standing as a powerful example to others. Others are what an old friend of mine called ďno load individualsĒ. They have so little strength that not only can they not carry others, they cannot carry themselves.

A young suicide is a tragedy. As we age, suicide gains some measure of heroism, to me. When the strong grow weak after a lifetime of carrying others, they often decide that they donít want to be a burden. They donít want to inflict the pain of loss that they themselves have felt in a lifetime of loss. Itís a false hope, the hope that our loss will be less if our loved ones donít see us suffer, but it is a loving hope that I respect.

If I am granted a forewarning of the end, I hope I am able to handle it with grace, and act as an example to the ones that I care about who are left behind, for now.

I think twice about posting this. More than twice. But every year for 24 years now, this time of year makes me melancholy. I like people more now than I did then, and I try to be a little more understanding. Maybe this note is helpful to someone.
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