I volunteer to chase all the buzzards off the beach in the foggy morning.
I volunteer to get shitfaced drunk and toss that pussy earwig in the creek if he gives me any shit!
I volunteer to raise the river level as best I can with my tiny stream of piss. (we'll have to check on the tides to see if there is any effect)
I volunteer to put more goddamned wood on the fire than we need in case Linkweewee is a no show.
I volunteer to invoke the names of those who cannot show, and shed a tear in their remembrance!
"If you ever had an original thought, it would have died from loneliness!"