Found it. Normally I would delete this thread and slink away in shame, but instead I'll share the results here so other dumb bastards such as myself can learn.
The Windows Import Wizard won't do files over 500MB so you have to do it directly in Explorer. First, on your iPad export the imovie file to your camera roll. Connect your iPad to your PC and open Explorer. Find your iPad, and either copy/paste or drag/drop the file. Worked fine.
As for using the iTunes option dirtypumpkin mentions, it might work for someone, but all I can get it to grab for me is the project file with the extension imoviemobile and that doesn't work on anything.
Originally Posted by Stagehand
listen mister, we didnt evolve porcelin shitters just so we could squat to take a shit, like monkeys.