tuesday, february 12, 2013 (last day of carnival)
sitting out on the patio after breakfast. i didn't go out last night. i tried, but i walked back home. i didn't have it in me. maybe i'm saving myself up for the final night, tonight.
being back here in florianopolis for the week has come with a mix of strong emotions. this is a familiar and adored place, but it is not home. there have been many times in the last 10 years when i have pondered the possibility of buying property here, and for at least part of the year, trying to make this a second home.
i'm at that familiar place in long-term traveling and exploring where i am missing home, my friends, my own life back in the states. the brazilians call this "saudade" - which is best translated to "longing" in english. for those of you following along, a month may seem pre-mature for this kind of longing, but this month has felt like an eternity from my perspective. i could easily say it feels like 3 or 4.
could i live in florianopolis? yes. would i be happy here? i don't know. i'm not sure if living outside of you culture could ever really feel like you are home. and "home" is a powerful and important sentiment, not to be taken lightly. it's something i'm appreciating from this new perspective, looking back on my life in portland. even portland 6 years ago was new to me, and i was having similar feelings. now, away from portland, it feels more like home than it ever has living there for the last 6 years. this is saudade, the kind of longing that you here about in the classic, beautiful, old bossa nova songs. listen to this one, it's important.
Luiz Bonfá & Elizete Cardoso - Manhã de Carnaval (Morning of Carnaval
o carnaval passe different pra mim que o outros.
and it's after coming out of this saudade that the real experience begins. you have to find your way through the fog to the real purpose of exploration. for what other purpose do we all find ourselves here in this life, if not to explore in our own way?
i'd also like to take a moment to thank bruna and vini, who left for sao paulo early this morning. thanks for adopting me for a few days, my experience here was better for your friendship and your adventurous spirit. 'tou suso. fue sinistro!.
bruna, vini & me at carnival da rua, santo antonio de lisboa, brazil
, on Flickr