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Old 04-04-2003, 01:05 AM   #2
kehale OP
Studly Adventurer
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Joined: Jan 2003
Oddometer: 533
107. Giving yer RD-350 a half-hearted kick, having it kick back and start BACKWARDS, hammering the gas and dumping the clutch in the bank parking lot nearly removing yer testicles with the flip-top gas cap. (aren't 2-strokes neat?)
108. Having yer 400 Husky bog down climbing a steep hill, cough and start running BACKWARDS! (See? I told ya they were neat!)
109. Having yer open class Husky Automatic shift just as your front tire launches off the hill you are jumping.
110. Getting un-planned traction in the middle of a power-slide and wheelieing into the corner of a brick building.
111. Coming to a stop in the exact spot where a car has lost its transmission fluid. No traction for my feet and I fell straight over. Scuffed highway bar, bent handlebar and rear turn signal stalk, serious divot in helmet from asphalt, and bruise on shoulder. Ruined my day.
112. Turning from a paved road onto a gravel one, during your first ride, on your friends motor scooter.
113. Sitting cool on my new bike before my girlfirends parents asking the girl to come for a ride. But the kickstarter had sneaked into the leg of my trousers and when I tried to shift my weight onto that leg it was a nice sloooow fall. Didn't impress the parents however.
114. Staring at the blonde's pretty behind walking into the restaurant as you are motoring slowly into the parking lot, then turning just in time to see a set of back-up lights go on, panicking, and grabbing a handful of front brakes on an oil patch.
115. Getting off the front brake just ever so slightly too late when turning into the strip mall entrance while staring at the little patch of gravel until you hit it and shoot the front tire out.
116. Trying the flapvalve for the first time on a gravel road leaning too much left, doing a beautiful 270 and busting into neighbour's strawberry field.
117. Starting your electric start KZ in the parking lot after work *before* actually getting on the bike, while all the other bikers are starting their bikes up, in the days before clutch/starter gear.
118. Riding in park with buddy on bike and he calls for a pass from people playing (American) football and he decides to actually try and catch it. Worst of all he didn't hold on to the ball.
119. Doing power-slides in the sand on a GS850. Wet wooden bridges, especially ones with train tracks will finish the job.
120. Get a wasp in your helmet while doing 90!
121. Turning right round a corner. Lose it on a damp painted arrow on road. Come off the arrow sideways leaning right, wheels get traction, get flung left in the direction I wanted to go.
122. Pull up on pavement. Put right foot down as you come to a stop... realise that your foot is over the kerb in the road and by the time your foot touches ground there is now way back. Topple over into a red, embarrassed heap.
123. Riding slowly at a very acute angle to maintain a straight line in a very strong cross wind; then driving into a tunnel at the same angle and almost immediately lay it down, unable to hold it up. Roll on floor laughing hysterically...
124. Slow down, signal, wheel that way-loaded-down GL1000 onto the shoulder, only to find out that what looked like solid ground is really foot-deep muck, and you're now plowing it with a two-wheeled tractor.
125. Finding out at 75mph that "road work ahead" means a fresh coat of oil and 2 inches of pea gravel. Fucking "high altitude" paving shit.
126. Kid on the sidewalk with a skateboard which he lost control of. Said board shot into the street, front wheel went up onto board, I ended up face down in the middle of the street. Busted the windscreen, my pride and the kid was scared sh__less.
127. Lane-splitting in California (therefore legal) at 10 mph in stop & creep traffic, on your JUST-FINISHED project, an '88 HD FXLR in Candy Plum, with LOTS OF BRAND NEW CHROME, when a passenger in a van decides to stop your progress by opening his door in your path, but apparently doesn't realize that you will not be able to just *stop*. You are still straddling the bike after it plows into the door, goes over and is lying on the pavement. Your pelvis is now broken. So is your bike.
128. On Rd 250 outside college on gravel driveway, bike wont pull off without lots of throttle due to dodgy plugs. Giving bike required throttle, back tyre falls into pothole, bike spins sideways and hits college wall, proceeds to carry on vertically up the wall and throws me off the back. Result bike with bent forks and me with bruised back and ego as half of the college came outside to see what the noise was.
129. "Bump" starting an old Suzuki X6 (it wasn't old at the time) at 3am in a supermarket parking lot. Dragging beside the bike across the entire parking lot, landing in a pile in the dirt when the pavement ended. Wore out the tops of my shoes. My friends who witnessed this are still laughing!
130. Being surprised by black ice.
131. Being surprised by the fact that the frost on your front tire makes it slippery.
132. Put your kid on the bike with one arm (while you are holding the bike upright with the other arm) to see if his feet reach the footpegs (which would mean he is big enough to ride pillion). Suddenly notice that said kid has gotten much bigger and heavier since the last time you tried this. Feel the bike lean away from you and watch the kid's look of surprise as the bike goes gracefully over with both of you. (Neither bike nor kid is dented).
133. Roll up to a stop light on your Kawasaki Police Special with the dfollowing sequence of events planned: 1) Activate right turn indicator 2) Pull up to a snappy stop in the right lane 3) With both feet still on the pegs, lean bike slightly to the right 4) Apply power 5) Turn right 6) Impress your friends who happen to be standing at the corner. To your dismay, find that step 4 is actually "engine coughs and dies" and step 5 is "drop bike on right side, feet still on pegs". Step 6 stays the same.
134. While sitting on your bike, waiting for your friend to come out of his house to go for a nice summer ride, decide that you need to tighten those laces on your boots. Since you are parked in neutral, engine off, on flat ground, with the sidestand down, decide to put *both* feet up on the seat to tighten the laces, thereby removing the need to dismount. While tightening up one set of laces, with both hands, you notice that the bike is starting to roll forward, then crashes to the left. You intelligently notice that the ground was not as flat as you thought it was. Your friend is impressed.
135. Riding any Ducati and expecting the sidestand to act in a predictable manner! (The Ducati has a sidestand that springs up automatically)
136. When trying to stand up your bike and slipping over on the spilt petrol from the breather tube, managed this three times.
137. Going along inner ring road (2 lanes), left lane I was in slowed, no mirrors on, looked behind to see if right lane clear, looked forward and traffic had stopped. About to collide with the car in front, yanked handlebars to right, so hard the bike just fell (on the left hand side, never understood why!). Bizarre thing was, indicator intact but glass in clocks broken...
138. Riding along on sunny evening, had rained all day. Went to the video shop, with younger brother on pillion. Sun in my eyes (my excuse!!), car stopped in front, ran into the back. Normal so far... The seat on the bike was not fastened down at all, I shot forward then dropped back down and fell to the right, brother fell off STILL SITTING ON SEAT!!
139. Does anyone else always fall with one or other of their feet trapped under the bike? I do, normally the left, no idea why!
140. Fire up cold bike, Michelin Pilot race rubber, at 0 degrees C, leave driveway and head for 4-way stop intersection 20 feet away. Stop at intersection at a slight angle, then whack open throttle, completely forgetting the hard platic-like qualities of tires when cold. 270 degree counter-clockwise "break dance" with bike on top of you in middle of busy intersection guaranteed to entertain many, or your money back.
141. Making a left hand turn on to a four lane road with center turn lane and not seeing the 90's camaro pull right in front of you after you gun it to the center lane and stick your front fender in her rear plastic bumper and fly over their car into oncoming traffic. All done with motorcycle cop onlooking and ticket in hand.
142. After waiting your turn at the gas pump to refuel with both feet on the ground . You give it a shot you lurch forward grab the front brake only - to stop you in front of the pump. The resulting pogo action will put her on the ground if you are not paying attention.
143. Finally got home at 3am in one piece after 5hrs towing my new CBR900RR on a rented trailor, realizing the bouncy trip has put up the kick stand AFTER cutting the last of the cargo straps which were not releasing.
144. I was looking at the hill and picking a good place to ride to the top when I eased the FZR1000 (fully packed with camping equipment) off of the pavement. The bike sank over the axles in the thickest, goo you ever saw! It couldn't even fall over, the goo just held it in place! It wouldn't go backward, but would make some forward progress with the rear wheel spinning like crazy. We (my wife helped after she stopped laughing) worked about 30 minutes getting the thing turned around 180 degrees in the mud, then got it back onto the pavement. There was no water available, so I rode the bike into Steamboat Springs Colorado with about 50 lbs. of mud stuck to me and the bike. It took about an hour at the car wash to get us both clean.
145. As a motor officer, my partner and I had a standing order between us, that the first person to put his foot down at a red light or stop sign had to buy coffee that morning. Well, the light took an exceptionally long time, and I could only creep forward an inch at a time so far or I'd be in the middle of the intersection. My carb's filled, the engine died, and I fell. Mind you, this is the busiest intersection of our jurisdiction and was filled with morning commuters. It's amazing how fast you can pick up a 750 pound Kawasaki when you need to. Needless to say, I bought coffee for a week or two.
146. Pop the clutch the first time riding a manual shift dirtbike, only to have the handlebars turn left in the middle of the incurring wheelie, coming out of the wheelie just in time to realize that you in fact did pop a wheelie, but the handlebars are still turned, flying into a 270 and sraight into an entire row of fully chopped and tricked out touring harleys in fron t of the bar.
147. Leave your bike parked in the company car park, and have someone try and park their car in the same space. They saw it _just_ as they nudged the rear wheel....and over it went.
148. Try to kickstart your 500 AJS in the middle of the road. As she kicks back, the kickstand bounces back up (thanks to a tight spring) and without realising what had happened you try kickstarting again (without success) and the bike falls down, slowly because you still try to hang on to it with your right hand...
149. When coming back to courtyard (from your second "driving lesson") and turning tight to the right on a soft sand hit the front brake. The bike falls down while your boyfriends mother screams her head off watching you fall. From that moment on she will do her best to convince you to give up motorcycling. Get that silly idea of your head.
150. Your friend invites you to go riding with him. He loans you one his bikes that is 17 years old and has the original tires still on it. You know the tires are very hard but you try to ride with caution. All of a sudden the rear wheel slides out toward the right, you get off the brakes long enough to get the bike back up under you, then pick a spot between the trees. You bail off the bike, hit trees , rocks, etc., bust your helmet against a rock, rip your groin muscle completely off, bust the nut sack against a rock, tear up his motorcycle. After all you have to buy the bike from him!
151. Loaded bike on pickup and tiedowns arn't tight enough and pulled away.
152. Riding on a long straight on your RGV250 at around 90MPH. Rapidly come up to a bus, slow down a little and then power up to go round the bus as the road is clear. Get half way passed the bus as the bike decides to run out of petrol. The bus then starts going round the corner and you hit the side of it. Bounce off and career across the road, over the pavement and into the potato field on the other side. Bike bogs down in the mud and flips you over the handlebars. Then the bike falls over.
153. Start bike in neutral. Pull in clutch. Put in gear. Turn handlebars slightly to right. Let out clutch. Bike lurches forward and dies. Fall over slowly with feet on pegs. See sidestand mocking you.
154. Trying to ford a river because you see that there is a nice concrete surface on the bottom and the water is shallow without realising that said surface is covered with slimy algae. Dropping the bike in the water with the throttle jammed open, not finding the kill switch and letting the engine go way over the red line untill it stops by itself with noise of valves breaking and conrods bending.
155. Honda MB5 cafe' 1984. Brakestanding to finish off the last of the rear tyre , good fun, all spectators seem impressed. Sat bum down on seat before disengaging power. Full frontal impact with neighbors house within one second. Lesson one: Beer and bikes don't mix, no matter how small the bike. Lesson 2: Never sit down when brakestanding.
156. I dropped an 83 Kawasaki 750 Spectre (mint) while trying to carry a gallon of milk in a plastic bag hanging from my right wrist. I only had to go two blocks to get home. I decided to purchase the milk on a whim at the last minute. When I shifted into 2nd, the milk swung, the bike jack-knifed and both me and the milk were thrown about 20 feet. I was upset about dropping the bike, but didn't cry as the gallon of milk didn't spill (very bad pun).
157. Friend stalling bike many times I start to laugh friend finely gets going precedes to give me the finger while gooses it on soft dirt doing a 90 and pancakeing.
158. Riding into work one day a few years ago turned into the ally where I work it was raining a dog had pooped on the concrete where I park my bike right out side the factory steel doors I did not see the poop at 5mph I touched the front brake and slid on the poop and fell off. I went through the open steel door followed by my bike straight into my boss who was not very pleased.
159. Ride around at a rally with your helmet on your arm not your head. Don't realise 'till too late that this means it will jam between the bar and the tank if you try to turn in that direction.
160. Ride a bike with leading-link front suspension for the first time without a proper appreciation that jamming on the brake causes the front end to lift, not sit down. Complete rest of move lying flat-backwards on the saddle with your legs in the air.
161. Start your first driving lesson with instructor at local driving school, starting the Yamaha Diversion 600 as per instructions flawlessly, then hearing the instructor trying to explain something and quickly turning your head right to face him, suddenly loosing inner-ear balance due to quick motion and feeling the bike fall over to the right while you try to hold it upright in vain (no chance, not used to the weight). No damages, friend who was next in turn got a good laugh and the instructor got to give his "never face me when I'm talking or you'll lose balance" -speech.
162. Take a shortcut through a small back lot and hit a piece cynder block while half a dozen constuction workers see the whole show (good for them).
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