View Single Post
Old 04-04-2003, 01:09 AM   #3
kehale OP
Studly Adventurer
 
kehale's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2003
Oddometer: 533
163. Putting the side stand down, then leaning the bike over so the side stand neatly goes into that small, but deep hole in the driveway. Do this with a BMW and you can't catch it.
164. Gas station forecourt, in the rain, where the gas tanker has dumped several gallons of diesel. Bye bye.
165. Riding a Tiger with girlfriend on the pillion, come to an intersection, turn right at 3mph in 2nd gear while pointing at the scenery with your left hand. Bike stalls, kicks itself over, throwing girlfriend on her hip. This has the triple disadvantages of the bike being bent, you feeling like a dick and the girlfriend reminding you of that fact every 30seconds for the next week.
166. Take a BMW R1150GS to the quad based offroad section of Bryant National Park. Be sure to tell the quad guys that's what you're going to do so they can tell you "I told you so" and laugh at you when they help you pick the bike out of the mud an hour after you dropped it in the middle of nowhere.
167. While drawing to a stop at a traffic light in LA, wave with your left hand to a gorgeous woman in a short skirt, then fall flat on your face in front of her. Lie in your own shame as she walks away laughing.
168. Find a nice chick in a bar and learn that she (too) has a bike. Next week agree on a date, go out riding and at a fuel stop ask if you can dry test her CBR600F. While stearing at her boobs and stepping on the bike knock the bike down with fuel cap still open. Not very impressive.
169. While showing off new ZX-12R to brother in-law. Discover to late that neighborhood kids left a 2x4 laying out from the shady side of a large pine tree. Lock up the rear and slide right, get traction then proceed to launch myself in the same direction. Brother in-law is no longer interested in motorcycles.
170. While taking a high speed corner, grab a little of that north west grease (Moss). Broken left color bone and a real nice divot in the left leg from shifter. Mother in-law kicks my ass at the ER.
171. Have the steering lock on with handlebars turned to the LHS, not realizing this I decided to push it back into the garage from the thick lawn. After a nice smooth left hand turn still not realizing my mistake I try and straighten up aiming for the open garage the result...me pushing my own bike over with me on top falling to my right plastic bit everywhere!
172. Parking on nice hard soil the night before the first rain of the wet season in Northern Territory Australia for 6 months!
173. After a sucessful track day, come home and try and unload your Yamaha R6 off the trailer by yourself. It "jumps" the piece of wood under the rear tire and painfully lays on the ground.
174. Banking sharply, made the hard left turn into driveway, not realizing "handyman Dad" had changed the oil in his car and spilled ? of it on the driveway surface and hadn't cleaned it up. My 2 month old Honda CX 500 Turbo immediately slid out from under me, accelerated (on it's side, of course) up the slope of the driveway at an impressive speed, and came to an abrupt halt with a sickening "crunch" sound as it hit the front of the house.
175. With the bike in the back of a pickup, remove the tie downs. With the tires in a groove and the stand on a ridge, any slight side to side movement will cause the bike to come crashing over the right side. Smashing the windscreen and cracking the fairing.
176. With the girlfriend as pillion trying to make a U-turn in a parking lot between two buildings, with the wind howling through and the slope of the lot I managed to launch said girlfriend 10 feet as the bike came crashing down.
177. Being so drunk that at a red light the bike fell to the left. To add insult to injury, trying to pick the bike up and dropping it back down on the right. All in the middle of closing time traffic. A cager was nice enough to hold it up as I rode away.(I don't drink anymore)
178. Running over a flattened stapler lying in the road while making a left turn into a parking lot at two miles an hour on your brand new bike.
179. Go on a weekend camping trip with two friends. Load all bikes with hard side bags. Try to sneak past friend's 87 CBR between the pumps at the gas station. Momentarily forget that both bikes have side bags on, misjudge passing distance and bump the left side bag on the CBR. Remember too late that the 87 CBR had those IDIOTIC spring-loaded side stands. CBR topples over to the left, taking your bike along with it. Lie sandwiched inbetween two Hondas and a mountain of Givi bags and feel like a total idiot. (Upside to this situation was discovering that this double bike spillage was en excellent [bad pun] pick-up situation [/bad pun] as it only took seconds for several tall, handsome men to race to the scene and pick up bikes and very embarrassed woman rider.
180. Try going way to fast into a blind curve only to have a truck in the curve hit his breaks after seeing you. You straighten the bike up and hit the brakes only to realize you are headed directly for the guardrail, so you try to lay the bike back over on a new line to slow down. After the back tire locked up. You needed help getting you and your bike from up under the guard rail.
181. Sitting on your bike to test out your new handlebars, forgeting that the stool its sitting on provides no balance what-so-ever, swiftly falling to the right, smacking face on nice hard concrete basement floor, standing bike up, then looking around to make sure no one saw your little adventure.
182. Doing doughnuts in an attempt to seem "elite" fresh after a motocross win, dumping clutch in first on a fun 250 2-cycle, not realizing how much gas you have given, pulling unnecisary wheelie, heading towards crowd, cant hit back brake or pull in clutch fast enough, make new best friends with the small, young blonde boy standing a bit too close to the orange plastic fence.
183. Too tired to ride from your WEW 100cc, you fall asleep on your GS without putting the kickstand down.
kehale is offline   Reply With Quote