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Old 11-12-2013, 10:01 AM   #4697
Likes exhaust fumes
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Joined: Sep 2013
Location: Smoggy Valley, east of Smog City, Southern Calif.
Oddometer: 908
Originally Posted by pjcr12 View Post
I hate to be a miserable old cnut, but there's something about the incessant electro-fucketry of new BM's that really gets up my arse and gives me a sharp stab in the large, it not only has Automatic Stability Control, with 2 modes for "rain" and "road" which apparently 'enhance range of use while boosting safety on slippery surfaces', but you can avail yourself of 3 additional modes (by paying for the fuckers) through the optional "Ride Modes Pro Feature". If that is not enough, you can also shell out for the Dynamic ESA feature, which is electronic suspension adjustment for fuck's sake. And that's not all...the "E-gas Ride-by-Wire" system utilises a twist grip sensor to send signals direct to the engine management system so it can adjust the opening angle of the throttle valve(s). That's a lot of gizmo-shit you won't be able to repair after you've dropped the thing a hundred times on your round the world adventure-equivalent experience type scenario. What happens if you comes across a landscape-event that you haven't bought the right mode plug-in for? What happens if you're on the "Road" and it starts to "Rain" and you find that your boosted safety on slippery surfaces is compromised?
Originally Posted by Thorazine View Post
Fear not! They're working on an app for that.

Originally Posted by rightsideup View Post
Will it let me 'share' the current configuration of my bike via social media?

Get with the program, Righty. Share? That's so 2013. This just in from Berlin:

The app will include hardware, namely a 50 penny nail embedded in your skull, which will act as a dual transmiter/receiver, communicating with the app on your new BMW motorcycle. (Transmitter/receiver installer available for 90 Euros/120 dollars). If the app senses that the rider is not riding the ideal line, at the ideal speed and lean angle, adjustments will be made to optimize rider pleasure and ride efficiency. It's all self-correcting in real time, but so far tests have shown the self-correcting function is not necessary, as there have been no corrections to make thanks to the flawless design.

Eventually, the app will be upgraded, so by 2021, all rider input will be unnecessary, freeing the motorcycle operator from the complex task of piloting a motorcycle, thus allowing them to enjoy the ride to its fullest.
Bones aren't important; we like motorcycles.-- My boy D @ 4 y/o

* Posts submitted under the moniker Thorazine are for entertainment purposes only, and may include exaggerations, prevarications or bald-faced lies. -- Thorazine - '74 R90/6

Thorazine screwed with this post 11-12-2013 at 10:08 AM
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