and I quote;
"Brand New "Hello Kitty" Pink Vespa S150 Custom Paint Job $6150,
sold from Vespa Schenectady with 1 year unlimited mile warranty.
OK, let me start off by saying this Vespa is only available for
purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was
possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow,
this Vespa would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.
It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that
adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It
wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No,
that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of Vehicle you're
looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I
mean it. Just stop.
This machine was designed by Italy's finest artists and engineers to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost),
a heated leather seat (real men don't let anything warm near their butt),
or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super
action junkies need. It has an engine made to outrun the cops.
It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid
kit under the seat. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of
whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite
down on when you're operating on yourself. The Vespa also has an
automatic transmission (CVT) so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists,
you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun and
drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.
Its a two seater, which means it has room for you and that hottie you've had your eye on at
the gym. A tow hitch can be installed if you find the need to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban,
self cooling machine gun. You can also put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $6150, but I'll
entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up
and tell me you'll give me $500 for it. That's liable to earn you a
Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered
eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the
prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There's only 001 miles on this two-wheeled hellcat from Planet
Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will
carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged,
no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double,
then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just
chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do,
we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen
to Johnny Cash.
To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer
pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular
pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants. "