Stupid questions people ask you when stopped

I'm starting to believe this question of 'how fast' is a squid test. If we answer some number that the bike really doesn't go, then we're probably not worth talking to.

That's the best I can come up with. But then half the riders I meet down here lie about their deeds, skills or how much they actually ride anyhow.

I think it could be a different form of test, where it is the aforementioned cephalopod or other general vehicular douche administering the quiz. Thus, when answer=[bike's top speed]< [asker's vehicle top speed], then bike's inferiority is proven.

Today at the fire station. We were stood down from a search and rescue for a little boy (found alive), and were back at the station unpacking and shooting the shit.

A group of the young guys were standing around the VFR800 having a look and I got asked how fast does it go?
Me: about 250 (km/h)
them: Well why does the speedo say 280?
me: just laughs
them: how fast have you had it?
me: 210.
them: Holy shit, where was that? How did that feel?
me: it was at a drag strip, felt pretty good.
Them: Was it stable?
me: yeah, stable enough at that speed. Although it was comfortable at that speed, it was most comfortable cruising at about 170.
Them: Why would you cruise at a drag strip??
Me: No, out between Thredbo and Tumbarumba.
Them: WTF? I thought you said you said it was at a drag strip?

I realised that I had slipped up a bit. Being an older member of the brigade, I guess I'm meant to be a more mature, law abiding member. I look at the deputy captain, and he is shaking his head, but with a grin on his face.

So, I replied: Yeah, thats what I meant. At the drag strip. Then I gave them all tasks to do and said I need them done right fucking now
They all had a laugh at my slip up and got on with it.

My new favorite as of yesterday... To get the full affect try to imagine a slightly more white trash version of Kid Rock's character from Joe Dirt in a clapped out Mitsu convertible with his equally WT bitch sitting next to him...

"Give ya five doller if you let me ride it up the street and back"

Similar thing happened to me. Got pulled over for speeding on my zx-14 ninja. I was in full gear, stock exhaust, and had luggage with camping gear. Cop basically saw that I wasn't a dumb kid and was letting me off, then was asking about the bike, it's speed, handling, etc.

I said something like 'I've heard that it's very smooth at 180mph, but that's illegal so I'm not sure'. He knew. Pretty cool guy, he had me dead to rights going 20 over just past the biggest speed limit sign I've ever seen. This thing was probably 3'x5'.

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Been riding for a year now and this past weekend while I was taking a break in a little town with the other guys I was riding with, one of the older men from the pub came out to see our bike and comes to me and looks at my helmet an says " Is that one of those helmets that comes with AC ?".... I was :huh.. mind you that it was a DS helmet with my contour camera on it. and I said " oohh no, is just a camera on a REALLY cool helmet jaja..

"I'll give ya a nickle if you let me ride yer bitch..."

I had a similar experience. I was on the highway with no traffic around. I was running about 130 mph as I was trying to make time. Much to my surprise, two state troopers were parked in a turn around chatting, but neither was running radar. I didn't even see them till I was going by so I went by at the full 130-ish mph. I let off the throttle and slowed to about 75mph. Of course, one of the troopers pulled out behind me and stopped me.

He asked how fast I was going. I replied, "No more than 80, sir" with a big smile. He laughed at me and said be careful and told me to ride safe. Never even asked me for drivers license or anything.

With that being said, I'm actually a police officer myself and I've found that most bikes decide its best to try to run from police so when one does stop it's refreshing and worthy of a warning unless they were really being a dumbass.

Stopped doing 79 in a 65 about two years ago. I might have been doing more than that.

After running everything, I get let off with a warning and the officer said "I didn't think a dirt bike could go that fast."

The correct response is "Well, I had it going 180 down at ButtonWillow (replace with whatever your local track is) and thought it was pretty smooth".....


Nothing illegal about hauling ass if you're not on the road.

Not if he paid ME... Lets just say she was the poster child for not doing meth.

"Is that street legal?" Normally this is asked in town at a gas station , maybe I need a bigger bike .Nah

I'm gearing up after gassing up yesterday afternoon. Bike is off.

Guy pulling up behind me keeps creeping closer and closer while I'm adjusting my helmet strap and gloves and go to get on when he rolls the window down and shouts, "Damn you're gonna get rear-ended if you don't make more noise - I can't even hear your pipes!"

I hold up the key and shouted back, "Um... its OFF"

No reply - just window rolls back up.

"Is that thing even street legal?"

Me: ::Looks towards the rear of his motorcycle @ his license plate and shrugs::

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Loud pipes may or may not save lives, but fuck...getting rear ended? Are we driving by sonar now?

I wish, many drivers are just passengers behind the wheel.

Now that's classic!

I hesitate to post this. In fact, I didn't even know if I should laugh or not.

I just hit up a great little German restaurant. There was a guy busing tables that was mentally retarded. My guess is Downs Syndrome, but I don't know for sure. I was seated right at the front of the restaurant, which is all windows. He kept walking up to the windows and looking at my Husky TR650 parked outside.

After about 10 trips to the window, he finally points at me and says, very loudly, "That guy rides a dirt bike on the road! You don't need a license to drive a dirt bike! I'm gonna get me a dirt bike!" (Say that in your best Downs Syndrome voice) Then he heads for the door.

At this point, it is clear to me that he's heading for the bike. I know this can't end well, so I stop shoving my face with schnitzel and get up to follow. I'm about halfway to the door when a 5ft tall woman with 5ft long boobs goes running by my, almost knocking me down. She exits the restaurant, and manages to grab the guy by the back of the shirt just as he gets within arms reach of the bike.

She restrains him. I immediately go back to my schnitzel. Some words were exchanged between the two of them, and they both come back into the restaurant like nothing ever happened. He goes in back, she disappears.

A few minutes later, she comes out to refill my tea, like nothing ever happened. It seems that she thought I was oblivious to the whole situation.

We might as well be with so many manufacturers pushing active cruise control, lane departure warnings, automatic obstruction detection and braking, et al. They seem to be doing all they can to prevent anyone from feeling obligated to pay attention.