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Old 09-10-2010, 07:29 AM   #1
MODNROD OP
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Funny scoot tales......

You blokes know how to make someone laugh, so to lighten the mood a bit more often, I reckon a funny story or 10 about scooteria would be the go to make the long night watches go a bit quicker. Just stuff you've seen/done/heard about that makes you giggle.
And remember, like my Opa used to say "Boy, never let the truth get in the way of a good story", so SLIGHT embrellishments are to be encouraged, nay, preferable even!

I'll start with one involving my mad drag mates......

At the track, there's quite a few scoots, mostly used for towing long-bikes back to the pits after a run. We all travel down the return road in between the track and the stands filled with our adoring fans (most of the cheers are for those of us brave enough to deliberately fall off the back at 80mph at 1/4 track. Such obviously clever antics are frowned upon however, since the sport has become more professional). It's funny, most of our cheers happen at the same time a 5-second Doorslammer goes down the track after the bikes.....I'm sure that's just coincidence though. I myself have received numerous bouts of spontaneous applause over the years, like when I locked the back tyre of the big nasty Kwaka Zed at 135mph when it seized up solid.

One day, on a particularly beautiful day of racing, the sun was shining through meandering yellow clouds of rubber smoke and methanol to light up the weeds trackside, I found myself in a group of about 6 racers all being towed back together after our runs. We had all finished our racing exploits for the next hour or so, but HA!HA!, our devoted wives/girlfriends/daughters/significant others apparently had not. So they decided to race back to the pits, side-by-side, towing their soon-forgotten precious darlings behind them. Try to imagine 1/2dozen screaming, squealing women roaring in laughter, almost drowned out by the sound of their screaming 2stroke steeds in a pack absolutely belting down the return road.......at about 20mph.......with all of us following discreetly, NOT!!!. The announcer at the track drew everyone's attention to the goings-on of course, thereby focusing everyone's attention to the return road, just as the interviewer trackside leaped rather ungracefully to the side, lest he be rendered flat-pack by the marauding ladies astride their trusty mosquito's-on-pipe.
And the worst part? We went past the stands so damn fast, while hanging on at the end of a rope for grim death, that none of our adoring public got to witness our humble waves of thanks for their continued breathless adulation.........DAMMIT!!!!

These days I race a streeter. No more tow ropes.
Bloody scooters.
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Old 09-10-2010, 11:51 AM   #2
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This one time, at band camp, Marshall decided to ride his '81 Passport up thru the creek with no pants on. He made it to the girl's cabin and the front wheel went out from under him and he crashed. He was soaked and his weenis was covered in mud so for the rest of the summer everyone called him......uhhh......mud.... mudpenis. Yeah. Anyway, one girl helped him get the scooter out of the creek and he married her 12 years later after they bumped into each other at Burning Man where he was running around with no pants on and covered in mud. I hope you liked this true story.
Love, Marshall
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Old 09-15-2010, 03:49 PM   #3
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So my brother and his brother in law (wife's sister's husband) rent scooters while on vacation in Key West Florida. B-I-L gets on his in the parking lot of the rental place, starts it up, lays on the gas and does a flying W across the lot. He is completely out of control and broadsides his own SUV smashing in the driver's side door. He wrecks the scooter, puts a big gash on his forehead which requires a trip to the hospital to stitch up. He breaks a wrist and causes a couple thousand dollars worth of damage to his car.

Apparently... he had never ridden a scooter before.

My brother's video is pretty funny, though banned from public showing.
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Old 09-18-2010, 10:11 AM   #4
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One more.....

Just to stop the thread dying an untimely death due to unpopularity......

A mate has a few bikes in the shed to play with, but until lately not a scoot in sight.......until a week ago.

He is rebuilding his 1981 1640cc Katana, just because, both he and his wife have 2010 Vmax's, he also has an old 1986 Vmax, and a slammed long-bike GS1000, a stretched 1984 GSX 1640, you get the idea.

3 weeks ago his son's mate turned up on a little 50cc scoot, and he was watching the young bloke trying to do wheelies out the front. Him being the helpful sort, showed him how to do it, and got off giggling like a loony. A week later he was visiting his favourite dealership, when lo and behold he comes home with a Madass125!

In 2 weeks flat he has racked up 1500km! It's been pisn down for half of that, and cold in the mornings, but all the bikes, and also the company car, have been gathering dust! He even took it out on a w/end ride with his mates on their FJR1300/CBR1100XX/VMAX, it was his turn to pick the route, so he kept it tight and twisty, just to piss them all off!!!!

I think we have a convert.......
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Old 09-18-2010, 07:29 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MODNROD
Just to stop the thread dying an untimely death due to unpopularity......
I think I went overboard on my story. Sorry, man.

My name's not even Marshall.
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Old 09-19-2010, 12:13 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BurgerFriesDrink
I think I went overboard on my story. Sorry, man.

My name's not even Marshall.
I liked that story!

Another would be cool mate.
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Old 09-19-2010, 05:26 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by MODNROD
I liked that story!

Another would be cool mate.
okay then. There was a kid up the street named Kevin Roberts who owned like 5 Honda kick-n-go scooters. you kick on a pedal in the back and off you go. He had a little brother named Ross who would lose his temper very easily so the big fun was to go over to the Roberts' chain link fence and taunt Ross until he would seethe with rage and start ripping up clumps of grass which he would throw through the fence. Long story short, I later slept with Ross' girlfriend in high school.

edit: here's a kick-n-go


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Old 09-20-2010, 12:02 AM   #8
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okay then. taunt Ross until he would seethe with rage and start ripping up clumps of grass which he would throw through the fence.
HEE!HEE!HEE!
My brother used to be like that. When we were kids we would play swordfights with bloody big sticks (as you do), he would chase us around the house thru the garden, but being a few years younger never caught us.........
One day he did, he jumped out of a bush, caught me across the forehead with his bloody great LOG, out like a light!
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Old 09-20-2010, 12:10 AM   #9
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I can't help myself, sorry guys!

We have our annual town show/fair/rodeo, etc, and part of it is the ute and bike "barrel racing", 3 cones spaced apart, run around them in a cloverleaf pattern, just like the real rodeo stuff, just with ute's, REALLY slippery clay mud over a hard base.

I talked my daughter into doing with her scoot, against all the Enduro and MX bikes. She had just come off in the wet when someone pulled in front of her, thought it was a good way to get her confidence back.
Off she went, WFO all the way, trying to beat my time I'd set just before her, slipping and sliding all over the place, until she turned for the final short straight, and while going over all the rutted mud kicked up by the ute's, got into the biggest damn tankslapper I'd seen anywhere in years!
There's mud flying everywhere, and an almost terminal speed wobble out of the little 50cc hotrod at about 40kph, she ended up with her legs out each side shaking around, looked like a rag doll in a washing machine, damn it was funny! Kept it pinned to the stops, didn't back off once, and finished the barrel race with mud in her ears and down her shirt, and about 300 people all screaming out her name.

People still talk about it now, 2 years later. Bloody girl is famous!
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