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Old 10-18-2012, 10:03 AM   #106
turnenem
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My wife encourages me to ride. I am lucky I guess. She has taken the MSF at my request and she has a KLX110 I get her out on once in a while.
She is never ever gonna be a street rider. And I am OK with that.
We had a baby boy 14 months ago and I have been reluctant to ride. I guess a little paranoid of something happening to me and leaving my wife and son alone. I did a Enduro while she was pregnant and on the drive to the event I had so much anxiety it wasnt funny.
Long story short, I even thought about walking away from bikes. but over the last few months I have been on the street bike and the dirt bike and riding more and more and nothing bad has happened so I am starting to feel like my old self again, thank dog.
I know it was a little of subject, but I just have had a real issue with riding
since going from a bar hopping idiot to a new Dad(although still an idiot)

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Old 10-18-2012, 11:00 AM   #107
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+1 opmike's comments about "let."

Schnickelbabe gets asked frequently: "You let him ride those things?"

She just sez: "You don't understand our relationship."

I just did a 4900-mile solo trip across the US, and she sweetened the pot by showing up for dinner and a night in a fancy hotel at the other end of the continent. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I'm talking about.



OK, now I'm just gloating...
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:05 AM   #108
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Turnenem - that is a very natural and logical response to your change in life situation. You will get more comfortable with the balance of ride/not ride as time goes on. I suggest big life insurance policies on both parents. You might have some through work, but also get your own. Term life policies are great peace of mind when rounding a corner and you see a turkey in the road (bird or otherwise). It also helps ease my nerves when I'm flying. I know, planes are safe, but when the plane drops 10 feet and drinks spill, I just sit back and ride it out. No worries, peaceful as a Hindu cow.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:30 AM   #109
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilkMoneyLove View Post
I am so confused about how to handle this situation...
All you can do is feel pitty..?

I have come across this more then I would think would be possible..but it is out there..not just bikes but other subjects also..

This guy at work probably 55 or so kind of a goofball but had a good heart, used to always say ..man your wife is going to leave you...you are never home ...she is probably cheating on you...What you are going away for A weekend with friends.no wife...with a puzzled look...
He told me he could never leave his family for a weekend..

He says things to try and get me going I guess..?...I just think to myself holy shit he really lived like that [he has been divorced for a long time]
just sad ...
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:32 AM   #110
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Originally Posted by Shoganai View Post
Sorry, what I was trying to express it that people and more directly the people closest to us are or at least should be more important than 'things'.
I agree 100%. I'm not at all bashing people that choose not to ride for whatever reasons that they have. Or choose not to have guns, etc. I personally don't care either way whether anyone chooses to participate in an activity/lifestyle/movement, etc. The only expectation that I have of other people is that they be honest in their communications with me. I don't make up stories to make myself look better to others or fabricate reasons that I'm not skydiving or deep sea diving; I'd just say 'I'm not comfortable doing that.'

My original post was only complaining about the many men that I meet in offices that sound like little boys who's momma won't let them come out and play. The guys that say 'i always wanted a bike but my wife won't allow it.' Which is very different from saying 'I've always wanted a motorbike but when it comes down to it other things are more important to me.' I'm talking about the 50 year old guy who's basically saying 'I always wanted to do that, but I'm not allowed to.'

As far as making excuses, I find it particularly weak to denigrate your spouse or family member or loved one by making them sound like a controlling person, all for the sake of looking better or winning sympathy from someone you work with, or ran into at the gas station parking lot or outside of starbucks.

I guess I'm just very secure in who I am that I see no reason to make excuses for my choices or shift the blame onto another person. If I ever chose to stop riding because it furthered my marriage, I'd never tell someone that I stopped riding because my wife told me to, or wouldn't allow me to. I'd just say 'I chose to stop riding because other things were more important.'
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:43 AM   #111
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilkMoneyLove View Post
Can't. I am at work.

We just want to be free. Free to ride our machines and not get hassled by the woman! :-)
Comedy gold.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:51 AM   #112
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Question Both

Quote:
Originally Posted by tijuana View Post
She said no, out of fear.
I brought home the plated XR650R anyway.
Now she wants me to get a Ducati or cafe racer type, because my bike is old and noisy.

Problem fixed itself.
So, which cafe racer takes knobbies easily?
She won't let you have both?
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Old 10-18-2012, 12:24 PM   #113
JimVonBaden
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilkMoneyLove View Post
Can't. I am at work.

We just want to be free. Free to ride our machines and not get hassled by the woman! :-)


Jim
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Old 10-18-2012, 12:27 PM   #114
JimVonBaden
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco Stu View Post
I agree 100%. I'm not at all bashing people that choose not to ride for whatever reasons that they have. Or choose not to have guns, etc. I personally don't care either way whether anyone chooses to participate in an activity/lifestyle/movement, etc. The only expectation that I have of other people is that they be honest in their communications with me. I don't make up stories to make myself look better to others or fabricate reasons that I'm not skydiving or deep sea diving; I'd just say 'I'm not comfortable doing that.'

My original post was only complaining about the many men that I meet in offices that sound like little boys who's momma won't let them come out and play. The guys that say 'i always wanted a bike but my wife won't allow it.' Which is very different from saying 'I've always wanted a motorbike but when it comes down to it other things are more important to me.' I'm talking about the 50 year old guy who's basically saying 'I always wanted to do that, but I'm not allowed to.'

As far as making excuses, I find it particularly weak to denigrate your spouse or family member or loved one by making them sound like a controlling person, all for the sake of looking better or winning sympathy from someone you work with, or ran into at the gas station parking lot or outside of starbucks.

I guess I'm just very secure in who I am that I see no reason to make excuses for my choices or shift the blame onto another person. If I ever chose to stop riding because it furthered my marriage, I'd never tell someone that I stopped riding because my wife told me to, or wouldn't allow me to. I'd just say 'I chose to stop riding because other things were more important.'
Same point I was trying to make, better said!

Jim
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Old 10-18-2012, 12:58 PM   #115
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There are women who will marry thinking that they can change their spouse into what they consider an ideal mate. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. It sure didn't work with me. She made it easy when she said "it's me or the motorcycles". Luckily, it happened at a time when I didn't have two nickels to rub together. I loaded up the bikes and my stuff and was gone by sunset, leaving her with a rented house.
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Old 10-18-2012, 01:10 PM   #116
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoganai View Post
Being "a man" in a relationship is not about doing whatever you want without regard for your partner. That's just being a selfish ass.
Telling someone they can't ride a motorcycle is being a selfish ass.
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Old 10-18-2012, 01:16 PM   #117
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Originally Posted by Tepi View Post
This has gotta be the saddest post in ADV. Who is someone else saying what you can or cant do? Its not like I'd be asking permission to buy a bike or a gun and I sure as hell arent going to get rid of either, also I wouldnt expect my partner to be asking permission from me to go get her hair done or whatever. I need my time, I ride because, when I ride I am with my thoughts, I can think things over in my mind. Sure call it a hobby, maybe thats the only thing it is for you. I call it meditation and a nice way to ride to work. Women paint their nails, go shopping, gym, whatever with their girlfriends to release their stress, why cant men be allowed to get rid of stress their own way.

Is it better to be in a relationship where your partner is happy that you're abiding to her needs/thoughts/preferences, whilst you yourself are miserable? It takes two to tango, which your partner isnt doing if they only give demands on what you can or cant do.

I really dont understand the hopping on your bike to pretend problems dont exist, can you elaborate?
I'm not saying that motorcycling or anything else should be given up just to appease your spouse, and I agree with someone else how said that if one partner is controlling the other, that's a serious issue. What I am saying is that all this macho talk about not being told what to do by anyone is BS. It's a completely flawed attitude toward life, it's me vs the world. It just seems like a lot of guys around here place motorcycling at the top of their priorities list which is sad to me because is that really all you have to live for? Is that the only legacy you want to have? I don't really think that's all anyone wants, which is why I think that when guys claim that motorcycling is their highest goal it must be masking some deeper issues. Hope that wasn't too confusing...
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Old 10-18-2012, 01:56 PM   #118
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Originally Posted by d.burbach View Post
I'm not saying that motorcycling or anything else should be given up just to appease your spouse, and I agree with someone else how said that if one partner is controlling the other, that's a serious issue. What I am saying is that all this macho talk about not being told what to do by anyone is BS. It's a completely flawed attitude toward life, it's me vs the world. It just seems like a lot of guys around here place motorcycling at the top of their priorities list which is sad to me because is that really all you have to live for? Is that the only legacy you want to have? I don't really think that's all anyone wants, which is why I think that when guys claim that motorcycling is their highest goal it must be masking some deeper issues. Hope that wasn't too confusing...
I agree that some of the macho posturing is obviously a pathetic attempt to compensate for insecurities, but riding can be as much a part of who you are as any other passion. For some it is their career, for others it may be art, music, faith, or many other things.

How can anyone demand that someone give up part of themselves, and still be respected?
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:28 PM   #119
TheWorstKind
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There are all sorts of people: bossy, proud, submissive, leaders, followers, etc. Some folks combine many of the aforementioned traits. I have learned over the years never to speak for anybody else, so here are a couple of examples from my life.

Wife #1 knew and understood my enthusiasm for motorcycling. She chose to become a part of it. Only once, in 12 years, did she ask me not to ride - bad weather. Though I did not like to drive the car, I did that day.

Wife #2 (current one, and best one, by far) got to know me after both of us were single for ten years, meaning both of us were pretty set in having things our own way. After a few dates, we decided to pursue a relationship. I knew I had to let her know before the relationship progressed as to what motorcycling means to me, how important it is to me, how much it is part of me. She got it, and still gets it. She participates with me as much as she can. The reason I needed to tell her up front is that most non-bikers do not understand what it means for some of us to ride our motorcycles. How can they?

To the "let" thing: If all of us researched what character traits our partner needs to have as we research what oil to run, well, I'm guessing there would be a lot less divorces....
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:13 PM   #120
SilkMoneyLove
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Comedy gold.
Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week. Remember to tip well and if you are driving, don't drink and if you are drinking, don't drive!
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