Ahhh, Football Jokes

[Cletus]

A guy walks into a bar in Oakland and sees that they've got the Raiders game on. He takes a seat at the bar and watches the game for a while.

After a bit, the Raiders kick a field goal. As the ball sails through the uprights, the bar owner's dog jumps up onto the bar and does a back flip. Amazed, the guy asks the bartender "How did you train him to do that?" to which the bartender responds "I didn't. He's a stray that was hanging around in front of the bar. We took him in. We had the Raiders game on one day, the Raiders kick a field goal, and he jumps up on the bar and does a back flip." The guy, still amazed, asks "Well, what does he do when the Raiders score a touchdown?". The bartender replies "I don't know, I've only had him for about a year."

[Cletus]

Two boys are playing hockey on a frozen pond in a park in Denver. Out of no where a pit bull runs onto the ice and attacks one of the boys. The second boy seeing his friend being attacked, manages to hook his hockey stick under the dog's collar. With a quick flip of the stick, the boy snaps the dog's neck.

A reporter for the Denver Post happend to be at the pond and witness the entire event. He runs over to the boys, pulls out his trusty notepad and starts frantically writing. He first writes a headline: Quick Thinking Avalanche Fan Saves Friend's Life. The boy who had saved his friend sees what the reporter has written and tells him "Um, I'm not an Avalanche fan." The reporter apologizes, and begins re-writing his headline: Quick Thinking Broncos Fan Saves Friend's Life. Again the boy corrects the reporter "I'm not a Broncos fan either". Not wanting to make the same mistake three times, the reporter asks "What team do you root for?" The boy replies "I'm a Chiefs fan!". The reporter starts writing a new headline: Little Bastard From Kansas City Kills Beloved Family Pet

[choirboy]

[Wings]

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He wascruising along the beach in the Pope-Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Black & Silver RAIDER'S jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Denver Bronco's jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the sharks' side. The other two
reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Raider fan from the water. Then using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it, too, into the boat.
Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach.

"I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he said. "I have been told about there being bad blood between Broncos and Raider's but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope", one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know jack about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up O.K., or do we need to get another one?"

[RikuY]

Said Wings:
snip

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know jack about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up O.K., or do we need to get another one?"