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Old 02-06-2007, 11:42 AM   #46
KIP
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torture devices

I hope this dosent make your injury worse! Thats why i stay outta Mexico - my spanish consist of 5 words -cerveza, mas cerveza, no dinero, bano.
What do you call someone who speaks only one language? An America
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Old 02-06-2007, 12:34 PM   #47
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Holy Cow, this story is almost making the Dakar itself seem tame by comparison.
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doyle screwed with this post 02-07-2007 at 07:17 AM
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Old 02-06-2007, 03:51 PM   #48
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the saga continues



I wasn’t quite getting the nice comfy bed and top notch treatment I was expecting from the hospital staff. This was something I was about to learn a great deal about. The professionals in the Canary Islands were very good. The doc from the night before was very professional and instilled a degree of confidence in me that he knew what he was doing.

Support staff is another matter altogether.

I woke up a couple of times during the night and a nurse was doing rounds. Sorta, kinda. Rounds consisted of walking around the room and seeing if everyone was breathing. This was done by observation from 10 or so feet away. No temperatures taken. No blood pressure checks. No medications given. Just a little stroll around the room.

I usually only sleep about 3 or 4 hours a night anyway and true to form this one wasn’t much different despite the grueling circumstances of the day before. When I woke up my foot and ankle hurt worse than my hip and back. The weight hanging off the end of the bed was reeking havoc with my lower leg. After what I had been through I couldn’t believe how much worse the treatment was hurting compared to the injury itself. To top it off there was no reason for it except it would have taken a little thought and effort to do it right. Not being a terribly shy sort I resolved to resolve this issue at the earliest opportunity.

Along came a nurse and after quite a bit of gesticulation and going pssssttt, pssssttt, scuse me, scuse me, pardon me, I managed to get her attention. Why so tough to get her attention? I really don’t know. She was on the other side of the room but refused to acknowledge my attempts to distract her from whatever obviously non medical thing she was doing. Once more we go through the exercise of me speaking English and French and her speaking only Spanish. We both used plenty of Italian as far as hand gestures were concerned. No, I didn’t give her the Advrider salute. Not yet anyway. She resolutely refuses to do anything about the Torquemada device. She is more than happy to give me pain medication but won’t redo the device to keep me from needing the damn things in the first place.

It is about 5 in the morning. I figure the doctors will come through for rounds between 7 and 10. From my experience it seemed like that was the time doctors always did rounds in the hospital. Hit me with the pain meds and I’ll take this up in a bit with the man hisself.

10 o’clock rolls around and there really isn’t much happening in the way of patient care or anything else for that matter. I get to looking around and notice that each patient has an 8.5 by 11 piece of paper torn in half and taped to the end of their beds. On this paper is written the patients name. That’s all. Pretty fancy innit? The more I look around the less comfortable I am beginning to feel. This feels more like One Flew Over the Cuckoos nest than a real hospital. I am in some very serious pain at this point. I can hear the nurses about 30’ feet away at the entrance to the room. I remember a table over there and they are sitting at it. I can’t see it and they can’t see me because of the curtains. They are chatting away and I think they are eating. Trying to be polite I politely say “excuse me”, um, “excuse moi”, “pardon”. This brings absolutely no response. Errrrrr, maybe they didn’t hear me. So I repeat it just a little louder. Certainly loud enough to be heard……Nothing. Hmmmm, they aren’t really ignoring me are they? I resolve to make sure I am loud enough to be heard and repeat the excuse me’s again. Son of a bitch!! They ARE ignoring me. Not being one to be easily ignored and being in a great deal of pain I proceed to make damn sure I can be heard and raise quite a ruckus……

NOTHING.

The old guy on his death bed next to me is up. He was making quite a bit of racket with me. Don’t know if he was pissed at me or wanted a little help too and was working with me. He was on oxygen and looked to be plumbed with some other stuff too so he was of very little help. I appreciated the effort though. Assuming he was helping and not trying to warn me about nurse Ratchet. This goes on for 45 minutes. Some of the geezers on the other side of the room are even starting to join in and help. I think. Finally I have had enough. No docs, no meds, no nothing and this goddamned bar bell tied to my foot. I remove the IV catheter from my arm. A little bit (ok quite a bit) of blood because I didn’t do it quite right. Next is to get this weight off of my leg. I can’t lift my leg even with my right one under it enough to get the weight over the edge of the bed. You know what that means. Remember the tape? F#$@, F%$#, F#$%, this is going to hurt. And it did.

I have massive amounts of swelling in my left leg, my back is very swollen also. Keeping all this in mind, don’t forget the hip isn’t very bendy either, I am trying to undo the Ace bandage all the way down to my foot. I get it off and take a break.

Next I start to take off the tape. I made sure to make very loud painful noises as I pulled it off. It was my vain hope someone of medical authority might take interest in the inhuman noises emanating from the corner and come investigate. No such luck. I did pull all the hair off my leg from just south of my equipment all the way down my leg and up the other side. It was an experience I do not wish to repeat. The weight dropped to the floor with a crash……. Still no one came to investigate.

Now I am free from my shackles but am too tired to do anything. I steel myself for my escape. I have talked to Bugwife and apprised her of the situation. There is a ticket waiting for me at the airport. Ok, so I don’t have any money, or clothes, or passport. I’m a big picture guy and those are details. Undaunted I figured I would figure that part out as I went. I ungracefully swing my legs off the bed. I was smart and did it towards the wall so I had something to lean on. Good move because I was none to steady and my left leg hurt like hell. It was at this point I began to realize that my injuries may have been more severe than I was letting myself in on. My body couldn’t really tell where my left foot was. It knew it was there but the parts weren’t communicating all that well. I noticed my left thigh was twice the size of my right. I noted the beautiful colors up and down my left side from knee to lower back. No problem, I am having myself an escape. I make it to the end of the bed draped in only a sheet. Remember the clothes thing? It will be a continuing theme.

There the bastards are just sitting there at the table. Nurse Ratchet looks up at me. The other nurses look up at me. No one moves. Nurse Ratchet grudgingly lifts herself from the table. The others act like nothing is going on. Ratchet ambles over with a less than amused look on her face. I scowl back at her. She approaches and surveys the situation, IV out, weight on the floor, blood in a few places. She turns to me and says………where are your clothes? WWWWWhat?? Where are your clothes? I was prepared for many things. After all I was having an escape and one needs to be prepared and flexible to change plans. This question had flown under the radar and I was having trouble with an answer. After all I thought the head nurse would know what had happened. Being quick of whit and steadfastly determined not to be out done I simply said “I’m leaving”. Now it was her turn to be taken aback. Thinking I had played that fairly well nurse Ratchet made her next move. She called security.

Shit.
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Old 02-06-2007, 03:52 PM   #49
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Dammmm

Bug..You have me on the edge of my seat I feel your pain...I've broken,disslocated,and cut something off...spent months in the hospital with no idea what they'd do to me next. Again Godspeed with your recovery!!
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Old 02-06-2007, 04:16 PM   #50
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One hell of a story. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 02-06-2007, 04:22 PM   #51
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I have no idea what kind of rider you are.....but if you ride half as well as you write ....you'd ride circles around me....this last installment is hilarious...I haven't been "hooked" on a thread like this in a loooooong time.

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Old 02-06-2007, 04:24 PM   #52
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spending a week in a filipino hospital for typhoid fever pales in comparison to this... (although that was NOT FUN EITHER.)
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Old 02-06-2007, 04:47 PM   #53
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But what happened to your bike???

(I work in a hospital and American health care is terrifying enough - glad you're still with us).

Think screenplay.

.............
Here's more on the ADVrider heroine: from some website:
ESP Amparo Ausina: « Participate at any cost”
She lives in an exclusive area, which suits her passion for adventure sports. In Denia, in the Alicante province, Amparo has everything within her reach; canyons for the kayak descents, the ocean for canoeing off the coast and plenty of grottos to explore. Adventure has also peeked her interest. Amparo’s sporting past was greatly influenced by her environment, those around her and her energy. The rest of the time, when she isn’t on her motorcycle, she is with her husband, José Domenech, who has competed on the Dakar three times himself, in their bicycle shop. Amparo’s first Dakar experience could be categorised somewhere between fright and excitation. She managed to finish and in spite of some terrifying stages; definitely became hooked on the race. A rally in which she set of as a single lady and returned a married woman, in living up to her agreement with José to seal their union at Dakar. After their double retirement in 2006, she is back alone this year with her passion in tact and the same determination to finish.
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Old 02-06-2007, 04:49 PM   #54
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She turns to me and says………where are your clothes? WWWWWhat?? Where are your clothes?

What!!! She speaks english after all
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Old 02-06-2007, 04:56 PM   #55
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I can't stand the suspense!

This is great syuff, man! I'm so glad to hear that you survived the treatment for your injuries!!!???
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Old 02-06-2007, 05:01 PM   #56
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This is a really great story, and really opens your eyes about the other side of Dakar.
I hope that you are doing better now, and can't wait for the next installment.
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Old 02-06-2007, 05:11 PM   #57
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Holy crap, this is a great story!!!

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Old 02-06-2007, 05:15 PM   #58
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Ratchet spoke just a little bit of English. This was my first interaction with her and it did take me a bit by suprise.

We still haven't even gotten to the bad part yet.

The bike is in Paris and being prepared to be shipped back with all of James Embros stuff.
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Old 02-06-2007, 05:20 PM   #59
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Glad you're ok! ...next year?

Good thread. My hat's off to you sir for a fine attempt - even THINKING about doing doing the Dakar is something. Wow.

This takes an entirely different turn though doesn't it? What a 'special' this is!

Glad you're back and ok! Next year?

And yeah, this doesn't belong in FacePlant - maybe Racing or ride reports. But not Faceplant.

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Old 02-06-2007, 06:04 PM   #60
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Please Sir ..... can I have some more
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