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Old 04-03-2012, 07:11 PM   #17371
The Walrus
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Originally Posted by pluric View Post
The icing on the cake was having to spend 3 nights with Walrus in Mexco.

Steve, I'm sorry for your family tragedy. I really am. My in-law side has had some
really sad deaths as well so I'm familiar with recent loss.

It's cool you have your kids and appreciate them for a source of happiness.

I hope your writing helps get it all out and can speed the emotional healing.
Baja Paybacks..............?
What an example of the worlds best engine.....



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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:12 PM   #17372
The Walrus
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Originally Posted by RetrogradE View Post
OK, this thread has gone radio-silent and I hate that. It's like dead-air on the radio and now I feel like I've got to fill it with something even though most of what I'll write will be a complete downer. Or maybe some of you like this kind of thing, I'm not sure.

My life story, if I had to pitch it to a movie exec in an elevator:

Grew up Mormon in Bountiful, UT. Moved to Israel after graduating from HS for a semester of school. Went to BYU for fall semester, then hopped a jumbo to Toronto for 2 years, LDS mission. Came home, back to BYU then spent a summer working in Belgium. Met my wife in a bowling class at BYU--she was an anthropology major and I English Lit, but we both needed PE credits. We were married on a windy day in Vegas four months before we both graduated from BYU. 2 months later we moved to Denver for my new job and we loved it there--it gave us time to move away from family and spread our own wings.

10 months after moving to Denver, my younger brother (still living at home at the time) called me at 3am to tell me my dad--my hero, my mentor, my friend--had stepped out the back door of our childhood home with a twelve-gauge and checked out. He was an LDS bishop at the time, ran a great business, had no known issues (no money problems, whores, whatever) except maybe some depression that no one knew about. He was great at hiding that because he was so busy.

That was 2000.

Now skip to 2009.

Spring 2009: My dad's dad passed away and we buried him on a windy day in Idaho.

October, 2009: My wife's brother, 22, just back off a mission and going to BYU went long-boarding in PG and crashed, successfully mashing his brain enough that he was dead but still breathing. At the time, I thought he had left his body and was given a choice: you can stay here (wherever here is) or you can go back into a body that will require someone to help you all the rest of your days, immobile and decrepit. The family pulled the plug a few days later. He was a good friend to me and his death put me in a tail spin to where I started drinking. I thought to myself, "I'm 33 and I've never done anything." Turns out that with my family history of depression and mild anxiety, alcohol was not the best fit with my biology and I basically became a closet alcoholic.

Spring 2010: My mom's aunt died. My mom had cared for her the last few years of her life.

Summer, 2010: My mom's only brother died, natural causes, but he was a hoarder and a shut-in. He'd been dead 2 weeks before someone found him and it ruined me all over again because I wasn't a better friend to him. He deserved better than to just sit and rot in the summer heat, nearly nude in his lay-z-boy.

November, 2010: My older brother Scott was getting ready for a scout camp with his boy Monte. He sent the boy down the street to the church to meet up with the group while he got the rest of his stuff together for a shooting trip in the west desert. He was carrying stuff in his garage, including a Colt single action revolver bequeathed him by our dead uncle (who had 300 guns) and dropped it. Who the fuck knows why it was loaded but the damned thing went off four feet from him and shot him through the side, through the heart, and out the left side of his body. Dead as F.

February 2011: My wife's cousin (her dead brother's best friend, and my good friend too) never got over the death of his cousin, so he killed himself with a 1911 in his parents driveway on the outskirts of Vegas while his dad, a bishop, was at church.

March, 2011: My dead father's twin sister is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She's still alive for all I know. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

March 2012: Monte, my dead brother's 15 year old son, dies of natural causes. Last Friday he was playing night-games with his friends at a local elementary school. He told his friend he wasn't feeling well--having a hard time catching his breath, so he lay in the grass and lost his 21 grams while the moon was a flame white disc.

So, that's longer than an elevator ride, but whatever.

If any of you have taken the time to read my fiction (I don't blame you if you haven't), most of it is based on my history of loss.

My story, "A Tree Alone" is about seeing my brother-in-law in the west desert and how I was lost and alone. I really was lost in the west desert, but the road I talk about is just my bad decisions, mostly the drinking, and how I could get back on track.

My story, "Church of the West Desert" is about my uncle who lay dead for weeks before we found him, and the guilt I felt.

You can read them here:

http://stevenkdavis.com/SKD/Shorts.html

I haven't gotten to the rest of them yet.

So, right now, if I'm wearing my emotions on my sleeve which I never do, I'd tell you that I feel entirely forsaken, that the Lord has turned his back on my family and I don't necessarily blame him. I've shed my emotion like a snake sheds in spring when he becomes bigger and new. If you PM me or see me on the streets and tell me you're praying for my family I will tell you that I hope it brings you comfort but you're appealing to feelings I no longer have access to. The good news is: I'm not drinking anymore. I don't care if YOU drink or if you drink around me, but I realize now that booze does not play well with my biology.

I have 4 awesome kids ranging from 10 to 2.5 and you can see them all in my zombie movie (same website as above), a foxy wife with a hot ass and a lot of patience for me, and a mother who stayed with us through all this bullshit instead of checking out, physically or mentally.

I'm 1st councilor in the local elder's quorum (some of you might not know this language) but I told my fellas I was done for a while. Kind of a no-no in my culture, but I'm mitigating my pain right now and don't need other people affected with my anger.

So, that's it.

And there's no need to comment. You know more about me than most anyone else except for my immediate family.

SKD
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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.

The Walrus screwed with this post 04-05-2012 at 07:29 AM
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:13 PM   #17373
The Walrus
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Thanks, Rick. I appreciate your words and your PM.

Since you bring up Walrus I have to say: he's the only guy I've ever lied to about how my dad died and I don't feel bad about saying any of this stuff because I think he's a pretentious bore and would tell him to his face if I ever saw him again. We were driving down to Yuma and he was motoring along, story after story, and somehow got talking about a guy he knows who kilt himself--and this is the part I can't remember exactly so I'm not going to swear he said it--but told me his friend tried to get some help and got on some medication and it gave him just enough energy to kill himself, therefore damning him. And the next sentence, "So, how did your dad die?" He asks, maybe one of three questions he'd asked me the entire trip because he was so damned busy foaming out the mouth with all the stupid shit he wanted to talk about.

"Heart attack." The lie came so effortlessly I was surprised.

"How old was he?" This was the second of three questions on the trip.

"57."

"Oh man, well, sounds like you have a family history there--you should really get a lipid profile [blah blah blah] when you get back. Take it from me, I'm the father of modern medicine and if I was any more perfect you'd be celebrating my birthday on Christmas." Or some shit like that and I knew I'd made the right choice not telling him the truth. Besides, I didn't think he deserved the truth as it was so I stand behind the lie.

I was very careful in my ride repot on Baja not to mention him by name because I didn't want to look spiteful or mean but felt his personality was at the core of my frustration that trip so I had to include him, just with an assumed name. But now I don't care. If he has issue with me, he can write his own ride report or post up and tell people I'm an asshole or post it here, because I probably am. The way my family is dying off, I might as well be honest until the government puts us on the endangered species list. Also, I'm thinking the Good die young and if I become an asshole (or a bigger asshole) maybe I'll stick around longer for my kids.

Anyway, I just heard a song on the radio (as I sit outside the MacDo replying to work emails since I'm in Vegas) that brought me peace:

"It's hard out there for a pimp /
when you're trying to get this money for the rent /
when the Cadillac and gas money spent /
a whole lotta bitches talking shit."


Oh wait, it wasn't that song.


It was this one:

"Old man down, way down down, down by the docks of the city.
Blind and dirty, asked me for a dime, a dime for a cup of coffee.
I got no dime but I got some time to hear his story.
My name is august west, and I love my pearly baker best more than my wine.
More than my wine - more than my maker, though hes no friend of mine.

Everyone said, I'd come to no good, I knew I would Pearly, believe them.
Half of my life, I spent doin time for some other fuckers crime,
The other half found me stumbling round drunk on burgundy wine.

But Ill get back on my feet again someday,
The good lord willin, if he says I may.
I know that the life I'm livin's no good,
Ill get a new start, live the life I should.
Ill get up and fly away, Ill get up and fly away, fly away."

--Warf Rat (by The Grateful Dead).
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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.

The Walrus screwed with this post 04-05-2012 at 07:30 AM
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:15 PM   #17374
The Walrus
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Originally Posted by RetrogradE View Post
No genetic link to these deaths.

You can PM me for details if you're curious, but they are all independent.

And not to leave you with a cliffhanger, but all this stuff is so bizarre it should be put in a book. People would think it's a novel because you can't make this shit up. Except maybe Sartre.
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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.

The Walrus screwed with this post 04-05-2012 at 07:30 AM
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:16 PM   #17375
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I've been pretty busy..........butt this is just getting too good not to document...........


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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.
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Old 04-03-2012, 08:07 PM   #17376
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Originally Posted by RetrogradE View Post
Who's the Utard that's into these tracks systems?

This one is for sale.

http://www.autoblog.com/2012/04/03/e...into-our-hear/
Appropriately, Trackhead. Much irony in this world.
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Old 04-03-2012, 08:14 PM   #17377
The Walrus
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Appropriately, Trackhead. Much irony in this world.


I can do Irony.......and Trackhead...........coincidentally.............

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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.
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Old 04-03-2012, 08:30 PM   #17378
RetrogradE
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Originally Posted by harcus View Post
Appropriately, Trackhead. Much irony in this world.
That's funny.

I won't judge him because I think he's an innovator, but I think I'd rather have one of these:

http://www.autoblog.com/photos/toyot...#photo-4934099
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Old 04-03-2012, 09:10 PM   #17379
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...a few thotz...

1. I thought we liked Walrus for the exact reason that he's a pretentious prick. On that note, we're referred to as "inmates" for a reason, and retro is carving new lines here, so he should work out well!

(since there were no effective condolences from the previously posted Moody Blues lyrics...)

2. a villager woman carried her dead son to the Buddha under his tree and exclaimed "I know of your powers! This is my only child and only relative! Bring him back to life!" The Buddha replied "Go to the nearest village a get one mustard seed from five different households that haven't had death in the house, and bring back the seeds to me. Leave the boy here, and hurry!" The woman returned a week later, no seeds for the Buddha, but thanked him for the new relationships she had made and realized that no person is exempt from this suffering.
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Old 04-03-2012, 09:33 PM   #17380
The Walrus
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Originally Posted by GISkev View Post
1. I thought we liked Walrus for the exact reason that he's a pretentious prick. On that note, we're referred to as "inmates" for a reason, and retro is carving new lines here, so he should work out well!

(since there were no effective condolences from the previously posted Moody Blues lyrics...)

2. a villager woman carried her dead son to the Buddha under his tree and exclaimed "I know of your powers! This is my only child and only relative! Bring him back to life!" The Buddha replied "Go to the nearest village a get one mustard seed from five different households that haven't had death in the house, and bring back the seeds to me. Leave the boy here, and hurry!" The woman returned a week later, no seeds for the Buddha, but thanked him for the new relationships she had made and realized that no person is exempt from this suffering.
Who........................Me..................... ..?



I never met a physiologic biochemical challenge that I wasn't able to address..........although I've never been known for my psycho-social skills in doing so.........butt........having lost my best, childhood friend to one of those train wrecks......I can only respond that it's not on the survivors........and it touches all of us......never to be trivialized or minimized........just be open and honest about your life and your life will work out........and you can probably guess that I don't harbor secrets or grudges.........they never work out in my experience..........

BTW....GK......you're a few deviations out from the standard bell curve yourself.......
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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.
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Old 04-03-2012, 09:38 PM   #17381
RetrogradE
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Originally Posted by GISkev View Post
1. I thought we liked Walrus for the exact reason that he's a pretentious prick. On that note, we're referred to as "inmates" for a reason, and retro is carving new lines here, so he should work out well!

(since there were no effective condolences from the previously posted Moody Blues lyrics...)

2. a villager woman carried her dead son to the Buddha under his tree and exclaimed "I know of your powers! This is my only child and only relative! Bring him back to life!" The Buddha replied "Go to the nearest village a get one mustard seed from five different households that haven't had death in the house, and bring back the seeds to me. Leave the boy here, and hurry!" The woman returned a week later, no seeds for the Buddha, but thanked him for the new relationships she had made and realized that no person is exempt from this suffering.
I think you should keep liking Ken. By no means am I recruiting people to dislike him. As it was, my experience was frustrating and maybe some of my annoyance is that he dented the hell out of my GSA tank without so much as an apology and perhaps some of this is passive aggressive and maybe some of this is just me kicking the dog because of my personal tragedy.

Regardless, if you have a friendship with Ken, keep it up. I'm not trying to poison the well.
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Old 04-03-2012, 10:10 PM   #17382
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Well Retro you certainly brought life back into the thread.

Now Walrus seeing how you are back.... answer your PM and tell me where to drop
your tube off. No GPS coordinates, just a plain address will do.
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Old 04-03-2012, 10:19 PM   #17383
The Walrus
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Originally Posted by RetrogradE View Post
I think you should keep liking Ken. By no means am I recruiting people to dislike him. As it was, my experience was frustrating and maybe some of my annoyance is that he dented the hell out of my GSA tank without so much as an apology and perhaps some of this is passive aggressive and maybe some of this is just me kicking the dog because of my personal tragedy.

Regardless, if you have a friendship with Ken, keep it up. I'm not trying to poison the well.
OK, you are truly a pathetic work in progress.

There is not one aspect of your whining that you are not directly responsible for....and I have tried to respect your obvious vulnerability and instability by not responding to your crap.

You were given maps and timelines for the trip, you were asked to load your heavier bike the day before leaving rather than the morning of departure in a snow storm which would have addressed the added length of your fixed luggage. I provided additional ratchets to the two thin tie downs which you brought and the litany of your choices and decisions is the only basis of your ongoing, continuous whine. Grow up, get some therapy and learn to take some responsibility for the outcomes of those choices. I'm done with you and can only provide additional information on your lack of ability to those who request it.....please continue to display your self-deprecating problems with life in any public forum of your choosing and good luck in your wallow......
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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.

The Walrus screwed with this post 04-05-2012 at 07:30 AM
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Old 04-03-2012, 10:19 PM   #17384
The Walrus
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Well Retro you certainly brought life back into the thread.

Now Walrus seeing how you are back.... answer your PM and tell me where to drop
your tube off. No GPS coordinates, just a plain address will do.
you have my number.......quit being such an engine.....
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Everbody's preachin' at me that we all wanna git to heaven, trouble is, nobody wants to die to git there.-BB King
Reality is what does not go away when you stop believing in it. -Philip K Dick
I wanna be skinny, but my ass is too big. - Charles Barkley
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Experience is what keeps a man who makes the same mistake twice from admitting it the third time around.
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Old 04-03-2012, 10:47 PM   #17385
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Originally Posted by The Walrus View Post
OK, you are truly a pathetic work in progress.

There is not one aspect of your whining that you are not directly responsible for....and I have tried to respect your obvious vulnerability and instability by not responding to your crap.

You were given maps and timelines for the trip, you were asked to load your heavier bike the day before leaving rather than the morning of departure in a snow storm which would have addressed the added length of your fixed luggage. I provided additional ratchets to the two thin tie downs which you brought and the litany of your choices and decisions is the only basis of your ongoing, continuous whine. Grow up, get some therapy and learn to take some responsibility for the outcomes of those choices. I'm done with you and can only provide additional information on your lack of ability to those who request it.....please continue to display your self-deprecating problems with life in any public forum of your choosing and good luck in your wallow......
I guess you can add "therapist" to your 16 page C.V. now.

As for you being "done with me," that is the only thing you've ever said or typed that I can whole heartedly get behind. No one would read those words with more excitement than I.

My favorite PM I got about you and all my "whine" was another inmate referring to your diarrhea mouth as "Kenversations," which I thought was brilliant and fitting.

I agree that I could use some therapy. In fact, I couldn't agree more. If nothing else, I want you and others to know that I recognize I have faults and sincerely want to improve in many areas. I even apologize for the stupid shit I do and say but so far everything I've said about you has been legit.

The difference between you and me is I'm capable of learning and adapting and saying sorry when necessary.

When I think about you and our trip, I'm reminded of the Ted Turner quote that could easily be about you as him: "If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect."

Anyway, I don't want to continue this nonsense in the Utards forum. For as angry as I am, I'd prefer to read more positive stuff here and I realize I opened the door, for which I am sorry.

I won't write another word about you, Ken. You can do what you want or send me a PM, or just go on annoying the ever living shit out of people which is the one quality that should top your brilliant resume.


To the rest of you, I'm sorry for airing my dirty laundry here. I'm sure some of you will laugh at how retarded Ken and I are or how bitchy I sound and that's ok. I will make a commitment to all of you not to bring up my personal issues here anymore--just posts about bikes and riding.

Lastly, we're setting up an account for my sister-in-law if any of you want to donate.

Thanks fellas.

SKD
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