Stupid questions people ask you when stopped

[atomicalex]

Originally Posted by Veteran Noob

My latest piece was a controversial thriller on the relationship between torque and clamp load.

Would you like to see my instron?

[slide]

Originally Posted by Veteran Noob

I'm going to revel in blissful self denial and assume you're being sincere. Thank you very much. I don't write for a living, at least that wasn't in the job description, but it seems that way. I do write spell binding page turners on incredibly titillating subjects like inoculants, fade times, nodularity and dendrite arm spacing. My latest piece was a controversial thriller on the relationship between torque and clamp load. Again, thanks for the kind words.

Try a few cr/lf's next time

[Veteran Noob]

Originally Posted by ChevalDeFer

Yes, by all means, but please use paragraphs too!

Noted. Good point, I'll do that.

Originally Posted by atomicalex

Would you like to see my instron?

Hardness tester?

[Benesesso]

Originally Posted by Veteran Noob

Hardness tester?

No, Instrons are modern versions of these, which Benesesso spent many hours running. They had neato parallax correction.

[Wadester]

Originally Posted by Benesesso

No, Instrons are modern versions of these, which Benesesso spent many hours running. They had neato parallax correction.

Tinius Olsen FTW

[atomicalex]

Originally Posted by Wadester

Tinius Olsen FTW

You can tell by the dial gauge.....

[Benesesso]

Originally Posted by Wadester

Tinius Olsen FTW

Close but no cigar. That's a BLH (Baldwin Lima Hamilton) machine. Baldwin and Lima made steam locomotives back in the good days, don't know what Hamilton did. My machine at Linde Welding Div. of Union Carbide was a 120,000 lb. tester, but it had a special 0-600 lb. "first gear" low range.

Besides setting up an arm-strength contest, I used to weigh some of the secretaries. Was a great opportunity to look up their dresses (no slacks allowed back then, fortunately)--as if they didn't know it. Also fortunately there was a lockable darkroom close by, and this was way before AIDS/HIV was known.

I need a time machine----.

[SnowMule]

"Don't ride on the sidewalk". GFYS!

[Tuna Helper]

Originally Posted by Benesesso

, I used to weigh some of the secretaries. Was a great opportunity to look up their dresses

A lifetime ago I worked at a oil change place. We had a counter guy who would bring the women in skirts out into the shop and stand where they (the woman) would be next to the front wheel, where the pit guy could look up her dress. Never did see anything, the angle wasn't right.

[Mr_Gone]

Originally Posted by Mistress of the dual

This explains it. I thought I was a little too short for my bike but now I see I am lacking the correct anatomy parts. Anyone know where I can obtain a set of balls?

If you have some married friends, I'm sure they have their husband's balls in a jar somewhere. They'll probably let you use them if you promise to return them to the jar when you're finished.

[Mr_Gone]

After checking into a hotel on my trip through Michigan's upper peninsula last summer, I dump my stuff in my room, shower off the road grime, and dress in clean clothes. Then I decide to go out for dinner instead of ordering pizza to the room, so I walk down to the front desk and ask the cute front desk clerk for some restaurant recommendations. (Already checked my phone: no Hooters in town, according to the Hooters app. Anyway….) After getting a couple recommendations, the clerk notices my Suzuki t-shirt. Now, I happened to be riding my Honda VFR at the time, but since I once owned a GSXR I didn’t feel traitorous. I don’t always brand-match my apparel with my bike. Sue me. I don’t own a BMW so I’m pretty sure it’s not required.
“Is that your bike out front?” she asks. [Not a stupid question. Could be anyone’s bike, and I wasn’t carrying my helmet or wearing my gear yet.]
“Yes,” I tell her.
“That’s a Suzuki?” she asks. [Not a stupid question. I had removed all logo branding from the bike. At least she knows Suzuki makes motorcycles. And she’s cute.]
“No, actually that’s a Honda Interceptor,” I say. [Notice that I said “Interceptor” instead of “VFR” because “Interceptor” sounds wicked cool to the young ladies while “VFR” sounds like some sort of boring audio component. Anyway….]
“My brother was killed on a bike fifteen years ago. Some guy didn’t see him and changed lanes and ran him off the road. I miss him every day,” she says. [A statement. Not a question.]
“I’m sorry to hear that. It makes you look for bikes when you’re driving, doesn’t it?” I ask her. [And that, folks, THAT is apparently the stupid question!!!]
Because she thinks for a few seconds, then shrugs, and says, “Not really.”
Not really?
Frack me!!!

Now, I’ve thought of about a million responses since then — some smartass responses, some dumbass responses, some noncommittal ones, a few brutal ones, one or two admonishing ones. I’ve thought of nearly everything I could of and/or should of said. But I just stood there with a remarkably stupid look on my face. Which unfortunately is not much different from my normal stupid look, apparently, according to my friends. But I was totally speechless. I literally couldn’t believe it, and the “smartass” lobe of my brain fritzed out. Shaking my head, I just muttered something vapid like “Thanks” and walked away.

[RidingDonkeys]

I'm leaving a store the other day with a fresh keg strapped in my sidecar. A guy comes up, oogles the rig, tells me about his friend who was killed on a "crotch rocket" years ago, then proceeds to ask me some questions.

Dumbass: "Does the sidecar have a quick release?"

Me: "Well, yeah, just these four bolts and it is off. It takes me about ten minutes to drop the car."

Dumbass: "Well that's not much help, is it?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Dumbass: "You have to have a quick release so you can drop the sidecar and lay her down if you get in a jam."

Me: "Oh yeah. Thanks for telling me. I never thought about that."

Now, this wasn't some squid with a flat billed hat. This dude was in his 40's. Glad he knew what I needed to be safe. I'm going to get right on fabricating that James Bond quick release!

Sent from my Droid 2 Global using Typotalk 2

[KX50002]

Originally Posted by RidingDonkeys

I'm leaving a store the other day with a fresh keg strapped in my sidecar. A guy comes up, oogles the rig, tells me about his friend who was killed on a "crotch rocket" years ago, then proceeds to ask me some questions.

Dumbass: "Does the sidecar have a quick release?"

Me: "Well, yeah, just these four bolts and it is off. It takes me about ten minutes to drop the car."

Dumbass: "Well that's not much help, is it?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Dumbass: "You have to have a quick release so you can drop the sidecar and lay her down if you get in a jam."

Me: "Oh yeah. Thanks for telling me. I never thought about that."

Now, this wasn't some squid with a flat billed hat. This dude was in his 40's. Glad he knew what I needed to be safe. I'm going to get right on fabricating that James Bond quick release!

Sent from my Droid 2 Global using Typotalk 2

Well you never know when you'll have to lay er down to get under a tractor trailer!

[42]

Originally Posted by KX50002

Well you never know when you'll have to lay er down to get under a tractor trailer!

[LoneTraveler]

I get a lot of people who try to lecture me on "oh, that's so DANGEROUS! Don't you crash a lot?"

I usually tell people like this that instead of lecturing motorcyclists on safety, why don't they pay more attention and watch for motorcycles instead?