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View Results: I have been to the county of Fuckshire, it was ...
Nice? 29 13.12%
Nasty? 30 13.57%
Nasty but nice? 162 73.30%
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Old 02-23-2010, 06:28 PM   #556
planktonnn OP
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Sshhhh,

Quote:
Originally Posted by rightsideup
This is, without question, an excellent thread. What is your point caller..?
We were sitting at this table first, and if somebody joining later doesn't like the tone, content or contentone of the conversation they can always just sit elsewhere. Sometimes, whoever they might be, they may need to point out they're leaving because X're all twats for X reason, but if that makes it easier for them to transact the process of fucking right off, who am to criticise?

Or is it that they make a clumsy attempt to subsume themselves into the humour or 'style' of the thread & just don't have a fucking clue on how to insult someone with diffusive humour?

I can't decide which of these or other permutations might apply, but you know it's at moments of conflict & strife between comparative propositions like this that I think to myself WwtAHd - What would the Ancient Hippy do?
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Old 02-24-2010, 04:54 AM   #557
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Ancient Hippy here.....can I help you?

Phew, very busy morning posting witty and informative replies to other 'old's cool' postings....but, in my alter-alter ego as The Ancient Hippy, I couldn't help but notice planktonnn's plangeant plea for advice as to what I might do in the circumstances of......er, I forgot what his question was, actually...er, anyway, what I think is important at this point is to provide a brief overview of some of the characters mentioned in this thread, especially 'Astral', a vegetable-growing mud-dancer, who has been mentioned before and, no doubt, will be mentioned again, for he is a strange, disturbed individual.

Astral: Mental herbalist and deeply irritating root muncher. Once complained to me that " some fucker's just knicked me centre stand". (They hadn't, he just forgot what his centre stand looked like). Bought a pristine and low-mileage K75 from planktonnn, for a very fair price, then proceeded to complain about stupid things and dodge payment. Physical violence had to be utilised on that occasion to resolve matters successfully, as I remember.
Now, in order to effectively transport vegetables (as everyone else with a van has told him to fuck off) Astral has bought a three-wheeler Reliant Robin...he only bought this so he wouldn't have to spend a few hundred quid getting his car licence, now he's thousands of quid out-of-pocket because the three wheeler is a dog. I'm glad I live in another town, otherwise Astral would be around my house a lot, as it is he plagues planktonnn's existence which, as I say, is helpful to me, 'cos I don;t have to deal with him at all....

Here's a drawing I did of Astral, so you get an idea of what he looks like.

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Old 02-24-2010, 12:48 PM   #558
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The Sun has got his hat on....tra la laa la laah

So, yesterday, hail and sleet, very cold. Day before, same....today, warm and sunny! WTF is going on?? It's almost like someone's controlling the weather, haarp-haarp! Sorry, my fingers slipped, I meant to say: arf-arf...anyway, ventured outdoors in the direction of the shed, to reappraise the situation vis-a-vis outstanding projects.....

Well, here at the Martha Farquar Supreme Allied Command HQ, it seems we have an embarrassment of riches...with three ongoing exercises in the art of motorcycle fettling. In addition to this, over at the Martha Farquar Secondary Unit, there is the STD1 and the K75 'special'....making five in total, well six if you count planktonnn's ride, which is always breaking down for one reason or another....

Anyway, as the mysteriously warm climate didn't make my head throb (which is how I tell if it's too cold to work outdoors), I decided to get back up to speed with the bikes. Nearly three months under plastic sheets, in freezing temperatures and snow, would have made it difficult for the 'winter pixies' to keep everything polished and lovely, so I approached the scene with trepidation....

As I suspected, the airhead's undertank master cylinder had pissed brake fluid all over the top of the engine (again). I made a mental note to remove it and smash it to pieces with a big hammer, when time permits. Some people get a bit too religious with airheads when they don't behave themselves (or aren't properly maintained, whichever is closer to the truth), but I always attack them physically. It has a fleeting, positive, effect upon my mood, although I know, in the long run, this is no substitute for a calm and methodical approach to motorcycle maintenance.

The Suzuki GP100 was in exactly the same state it was in when I left it...i.e. ' a project'. It runs, needs a bit of fettling and an MOT; also it needs a registration document applying for, but other than that, it's going to make someone very happy when I sell it to them for a reasonable amount of money in a couple of month's time.

The Aprilia Habana Custom is stripped down and waiting to be Customised. This little fucker is going to appeal to those who like the fact that a scooter that is already a 'custom' bike, is going to be further customised and who don't mind paying semi-large amounts of money for the privilege of owning one. Or that's the theory, but it cost £6, so there's not too much pressure on that score.

As keen followers of this thread know, the STD1 is poised for completion….any day now…I’m worried about the transition period, though, from when it’s all back together to when it gets sold. I want to keep this to a minimum, so as to minimise any potential damage, scratches or mindless wanton vandalism. Being poor white trash, and living as we do, respectively, in areas where mindless wanton vandalism is not unheard of, there is a slim possibility that I will get arrested for…er, mindless wanton violence, should anyone around here decide to get ‘interested’ in it for the wrong reasons, but it’s safer here than being parked outside planktonnn’s place. After all,
this is Oxford…yah? So, I’m thinking, we want to capitalise on that part of early Springtime, when grown men go a bit soft in the head and realise they must have an airhead at all costs. That way, we can gouge several hundred extra Filthy English Pounds out of the prospective purchaser……what could go wrong?
Ok, that just leaves the K75 ‘special’…..I’ve absolutely no idea what’s going on with that, but I’ve got a feeling that as soon as the STD1’s finished and gone, something will happen to it in one way or another. If it was mine, I’d throw the engine back in, give it a polish and sell it…and buy another airhead. But what do I know? Surprisingly little, as it turns out....

Here are pics


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Old 02-24-2010, 01:23 PM   #559
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Quote:
Originally Posted by planktonnn
g.
Subtle! My kind of humor.. even if I often don't get it.
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Old 02-24-2010, 04:37 PM   #560
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazydrummerdude

Originally Posted by planktonnn g.

Subtle! My kind of humor.. even if I often don't get it.
I did wonder if only I would get that one It's a 'kind' of humour, but not as we know it crazydrummerdude

I don't often get it, but then there's not always something to get, it's a bit like being Lord Christopher Mayhew:



Love your 1974 BMW R75/6, 1974 BMW R90/6
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Old 02-26-2010, 05:59 AM   #561
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Question Hmmmmmm...

I might consider selling a shed-full of airhead & K shit?, minus MFM joint assets of course.

I need to sort thru it & see what's there.
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:37 AM   #562
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Quote:
Originally Posted by planktonnn
In conclusion, I want you all to know I pissed off Kew Bridge.
I had a comment elsewhere expressing disappointment at my misidentification of the bridge in question:

The Reverand Eris said: "Tsk. "He pissed of Putney bridge!" said Mog, who actually goes online more often than me, as we flew off on Holiday. Imagine my disappointment to return and find out it was only Kew Bridge. Thanks for the visuals and indeed the company."

I said: Well, yes, once I'd warmed up (2.5 days) & started to work out exactly why I rode my big noisy beautiful bastard of a Franken-bike past Tooting Bec station 3 times from 3 different directions, I also worked out that what (in frozen delerium/thru fogged up visor) I'd thought was Putney bridge was in fact Kew bridge. I need not have corrected the misidentification, but felt it my duty not to lie to my adoring/abhorring public, the fucking plebs.

If it's any consolation, I've previously pissed off the roof of the Half Moon pub/gig venue which is(?)/was in Putney, while playing a support slot (working under the name of 'Dorian Brandt & The She Girls') to a band the hairy one from Right Said Fred used to be in just before hooking up with the bendy brothers. It was quite a voluminuous piss, so maybe some of it ran down the road onto Putney bridge, and then off said bridge, hopefully onto a river taxi without causing casualties. Anyway, it would be a disgusting waste of urine to piss off the same bridge twice. I just need to let rip off the Thames Barrier & I've got the whole set (if you don't count the London Bridge that was mistakenly relocated in the states, which I don't). My only regret in an otherwise glorious & fulfilling career of bridge pissing is that time I performed my bladder based craft off Cannon St Railway Bridge into the wheel-house of the Marchioness. If it wasn't for that unfortunate & fatal urinedescretion I would surely have been less than the thickness of a colostomy bag away from 'Bridge Pisser of the Year - 1989'. Oh those fickle fanciful fragments of fate where potential hinges over into unfulfilment.

As referred to elsewhere I enjoyed the company & sounds n'ting, except my part, which was ugly shit, and therefore I have retired & cancelled all other engagements. I've already debated the matter with myself & me & I so it's done, & needs no further delving into. Of the 4 areas my life revolves around, 2 have to go now, with the other 2 going when circumstances allow, and then I will return to star-mud, which will make me happy.

tatty-toodle-pip-ta-byeeeee

+END+

I have attached a pic of this particular one of the Bridges of London to assist with your visualisation of the event, as unfortunately no record exists - I couldn't see any cctv cameras anyway...
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:25 PM   #563
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That reminds me.....

Talking about pissing on the Queen's Highway...yesterday, on my way to secure a job-lot* of Formula 1 magazines, I hit a tail back on the potholed cart track that passes for the major road in Fuckinghamshire which takes you to Aylesboring. As I got to the blockage, it appeared to be caused by a chap standing at the side of the road, where his car was parked, blocking traffic...
having a piss!! He didn't give a fuck, he really didn't! Just as I passed him, I beeped my horn, really loud, and he pissed down his leg. Result.

While I think about it....strange American word-meanings, ok? In England, a 'slash' is having a piss, so whenever I see that guitarist bloke out of that band (whatever it's called) who's called 'slash' I laugh a bit...also your use of the word 'fanny', as in a 'fanny pack' or as a general term for a woman's arse, that's not what a 'fanny' is here. No, a fanny is a cunt. So when I saw that your bank 'Fanny Mae' got fucked, it didn't surprise me at all. I only mention this at this time because I'm ever so slightly pissed. This does not mean angry...it means drunk. See? Two great nations separated by a common language..

* Anyone want to buy a couple of hundred copies of 'Formula 1' magazine?
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Old 03-03-2010, 01:56 PM   #564
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Airhead Triple.....why not?

OK..here's a pic of an airhead triple, don't know anything about it, but I just love it when people do strange things with these engines, and thought I'd post it here.

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Old 03-03-2010, 02:39 PM   #565
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Single carb....?

I've never met England-Kev, although he must only be about 30 miles away from me, but I regularly check out his posts here because he takes a lot of good pics of interesting old British bikes. Well done, England-Kev! Anyway, after looking through his latest pics, I noticed he's photographed a Douglas.
Single carb, yeah? Which got me thinking....if other horizontally-opposed twins, like for instance a Citroen 2CV, also had single carbs (and long inlet tracts) why not try that with an airhead? Eh? In fact, why did BMW go with a twin carb set up in the first place, I wonder?

I only mention this due to the fact that...er, I'm a bit bored. Not much happening bikewise at the moment due to laziness and a bad case of 'couldn't give a fuck'....so, here's a pic of that Douglas engine.

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Old 03-04-2010, 09:48 AM   #566
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why did BMW go with a twin carb set up in the first place, I wonder?

One word I can think of

POWER
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:39 AM   #567
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Head Injuries 'R' Us.....

So, the sun was shining, I'm in the shed and the 'phone rings...

Me: What?
Ex-wife: Oooh...aaargh....uuuurgghh waah....(silence)
Me: Hello....hello
Stranger: Oright mate...she's just passed out, we've rung for an ambulance
Me: What the fuck...who are you, what's happened?
Stranger: She's come off her bike*, she's on the ring road, can you get
down here? I'm a coach driver and I saw her lying in the road.....
Me: Fuck!! Ok, give me 2 minutes.......

Zoom, vroom, screech, paarp-paarp!!

Arrive at the scene in exactly 1 min 35 seconds...ex-wife lying on the side of the road, going in and out of consciousness. 3 worried blokes standing around, then two ambulances turn up and a paramedic on a BMW Oilhead, looks like a 2009 R1200, very nice! While the other medics are checking over the ex-wife, I have a chat with the biker medic. Nice guy...like me, he prefers the earlier 1100/1150 bikes, in fact it turns out his own bike is an ex-police bike...an R1100RS SEG** !! I can't believe it, it only used to belong to me! Small world eh? Anyway, we have a chat about the ABS/battery problems on those bikes, and a few other incidental things about BMW's, especially airheads (he's a bit of a fan, but never had one himself). I tell him there's a really nice one coming up within a month or so (the STD1) we swap phone numbers, and he says to let him know when it's ready. Fucking amazing!!

Anyway, turns out the ex-wife has a bit of concussion, she's still up the hospital for observation and the CAT Scan's clear, so apart from a massive lump on the back of her head, no permanent damage done.

* By 'bike', I mean bicycle, see pic of mangled derailleur.
** SEG = 'Special Escort Group' of the Metropolitan Police.

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Old 03-04-2010, 02:32 PM   #568
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Hope she's ok.
Was it a hit and run???
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:59 PM   #569
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtyboydeadly
Hope she's ok.
Was it a hit and run???

No, it wasn't a hit and run; it was a "don't pay any attention to what your ex-husband says" kind of thing. When I took the trouble to explain, in depth, the workings of a derailleur system of bicycle cog-swapping, I noticed her eyes glaze over, in addition to a distinct lack of attention on her part.

So, being a bit of a fit old bird, she launches off on her newly-acquired 'Claude Butler' racer.....Oxford, as some people may know, is almost surrounded by a large bicycle track, built to accomodate the thousands of factory workers who used to be employed at the Morris Works in Cowley, in days gone by. Now, of course, that the working classes have been consigned to the dustbin of life due to those clever types who said we don't need industries in England any more*, this wide, smooth cycle track is just great for getting up a fair old speed on a bicycle. Unfortunately, having told me to fuck off (in terms of my generous offer to acquaint her with an overview of said derailleur system) she tried shifting the derailleur past its 'stop' (which wasn't properly adjusted) into a gear that wasn't actually there.....thereby causing the mechanism to crunch into the spokes, locking the rear wheel instantly, at speed, causing her to fly arse over tit into the ground.

I did not laugh, not even when the paramedics encased her in foam blocks, and ratchet strapped her to a hard plastic board, because that would have been unkind and, anyway, she was crying. I hate it when she cries, because I get all protective and caring, which she loves because women are like that, even when you've spent good money getting a divorce from them for perfectly good reasons. However, when in the A&E dept she pissed herself (why does that happen?) I couldn't help myself smirking a little, although the doctor (another woman) gave me a stern look. I got another stern look when I started chatting up the very pretty female paramedic, but because this is a motorcycle forum, I can't go into detail on that, so here's a pic of a how I fuel-inject airheads, ok?

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Old 03-09-2010, 04:00 PM   #570
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Please complete as appropriate & return.
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