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View Results: I have been to the county of Fuckshire, it was ...
Nice? 29 13.62%
Nasty? 28 13.15%
Nasty but nice? 156 73.24%
Voters: 213. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-06-2011, 09:03 AM   #1276
Lornce
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Oh, the drama of red x's.
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Old 01-06-2011, 12:51 PM   #1277
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Originally Posted by Lornce View Post
Oh, the drama of red x's.
Too damn right...I remember in the olden days (prior to 1972) we used to squirt Redex into our tanks. It was supposed to be some sort of on-going decoke fluid, but we used it as a James Bond smokescreen-creating device to ward off the evildoers from Smersh.

I'm so bored I'm going to make some gifs, stay tuned.....

In the meanwhile, here's one I did ages ago. Jeremy Clarkson, do they 'get him' in the states? He lives just up the road from me, in Chipping Norton. Unlike a lot of people, I hate his fucking guts.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/17680988/CLARKSON.wmv
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Old 01-06-2011, 01:51 PM   #1278
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Originally Posted by pjcr12 View Post
Too damn right...I remember in the olden days (prior to 1972) we used to squirt Redex into our tanks. It was supposed to be some sort of on-going decoke fluid, but we used it as a James Bond smokescreen-creating device to ward off the evildoers from Smersh.

I'm so bored I'm going to make some gifs, stay tuned.....

In the meanwhile, here's one I did ages ago. Jeremy Clarkson, do they 'get him' in the states? He lives just up the road from me, in Chipping Norton. Unlike a lot of people, I hate his fucking guts.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/17680988/CLARKSON.wmv
We don't get the Clarkson guy in my neighborhood. Then again, I live in the sticks but others, who live in more cosmopolitan areas, may know who he is.
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Old 01-06-2011, 02:25 PM   #1279
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We don't get the Clarkson guy in my neighborhood. Then again, I live in the sticks but others, who live in more cosmopolitan areas, may know who he is.
Hi Bloo, check out his show on youtube, or the BBC site, it's called 'Top Gear', and you'll get an idea about him. In fact, if you get the chance, watch their latest road trip from Iraq, through Syria and into Israel. A lot of it is funny, but I'll leave it up to you to see if you can understand why he gets on my nerves, ok?
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Old 01-06-2011, 02:47 PM   #1280
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While I think about it....here's why I hate Clarkson. Like a lot of motoring 'journalists' who get to drive Italian sportscars that cost more than I've earned in the last 20 years, they think that money buys the best. I know for a fact that it doesn't....I can't stand conspicuous consumption for the sake of it, and hate even more people like him who judge people (and their lives) by the size of their fucking wallets. I couldn't give a tiny rat's ass for some fucking quarter-million quid's worth of car, because a) my dick's big enough already and b) speed and handling that come from the skill and love of someone who's put a bike or a car together that can outperform some fucking Italian piece of shite, or other millionaire's ride, is what interests me......people like him, by ignoring the economic realities of most people's lives, just perpetrate the bollocks that's turned this world into a huge playground for the rich and connected, and is leaving the rest of us to fight for the crumbs, the smug gob-shite bastard. Grrrrrrrr
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Old 01-06-2011, 02:58 PM   #1281
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http://dl.dropbox.com/u/17680988/JER...HIS%20MIND.wmv
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Old 01-06-2011, 04:04 PM   #1282
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A leftist sociopath after me own heart.





What's that you say? That's me on me $3,500 Buell stuffing it up the inside at the top of Mosport's infamous Turn 2 on a pair of moneyed Yanks on an Aprilla Mille "Factory" and a Ducati 9XX SPR (or whatever they call the $45k superbike with all the Ohlins legs and tarty farty motor bits). Never mind they were nice blokes, but we'll ignore that a minute to keep the proletariat blood all aboil...


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Old 01-06-2011, 04:26 PM   #1283
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"A leftist sociopath after me own heart...."

Well, Lornce, that's me ok.
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Old 01-07-2011, 10:48 AM   #1284
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Old 01-07-2011, 11:01 AM   #1285
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Ok, I calmed down a bit from yesterday...I achieved a strange, zen-like state by deciding to be a poet. Here's my first attempt:

There was a young man from Hoboken
Who’s airhead mysteriously got broken
He jumped up and down
And kicked it around
Until he heard in his head these words spoken:

“Hey dude, step away from that Beemer
Sit down and chill out, take a breather
It’s just a machine
And it’ll go once it’s been
Shown some love and affection, don’t beat her”.

Poetic sensitivity....or fucking what? I think old's cool needs a poetry corner, to be honest, or somewhere we can exhibit our watercolours and basket weaving. I know the majority of people in this section are as hard as nails, but I also know they've got a softer, more artistic and gentler nature.......it only needs a safe place to hang out.
If I'm still feeling the same way tomorrow, I may pen a further ode; if not I'll deny it ever happened.
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Old 01-07-2011, 07:53 PM   #1286
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Pissed Bugger fuck piss wank shit!?!

Now somebody has seen fit to add vote number 101 we're going to have to start the whole thing all over again, it's your own time you're wasting you know, I've got all day...
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Old 01-08-2011, 05:52 AM   #1287
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"Bugger fuck piss wank shit!?!"

Thanks very much planktonnn, for gettin' with the poetry vibe,
is that what they call a Haiku? I thought they had to have 21
syllables, though.......

"Now somebody has seen fit to add vote number 101 we're going to have to start the whole thing all over again, it's your own time you're wasting you know, I've got all day..."

Does that mean we have to go back to Essex and buy another basket-case
airhead? And then you blow your big-ends on the way home? I'm only asking... I'd much prefer a time machine, because back then I had some money. In any case, I suspect one of two possible scenarios:

a) Some evildoer decided to vote and kill the thread....fuck 'em! We're in
this for the long haul, planktonnn. In fact, I confidently predict that your
#1 son will inherit this thread and carry it forward into the distant
future.....
b) Some evildoer decided to vote, so as to call your bluff, and thereby
ensure that this thread continued for all time....fuck 'em! That means
we're trapped in an old's cool timewarp, and your poor #1 son will have
to maintain this thread until he's old enough to pass it on to his #1 son,
and so on for all eternity. Is that what they call dynasty destiny?
c) (supplementary) It may be a cunning plot by the Secret Services of her
Majesty The Kween, who is pissed off that she only owns Louisiana
instead of the entire American landmass, and she wants to exact a
cruel and unusual punishment of some sort. I only mention this to
forewarn the US population, so that they'll do a rerun of their
revolution. I missed the first one.

I don't want to HAARP* on about the weather, but today is sunny and warm....WTF is going on? It's almost like some evildoers are manipulating the north atlantic drift via the gulfstream via the jetstream via the...oh never mind, it all gets a bit complicated, and I haven't even mentioned the
other conspiracy stuff I believe in.

* High Altitude Auroral Research Program. Once upon a time, there was a genius called Tesla, who got fucked over by a rich american evildoer, etc
etc etc etc etc. I think I'll stop there....I wish I had a motorbike.



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Old 01-08-2011, 07:44 AM   #1288
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I took my imaginary bike out for a pootle the other day, it was quite pleasant, no-one else around, although I could hear the sound of expensive motorcycles somewhere in the vicinity.....to me, it sounded almost like a Buellist having a duel with one of those millionaire Italian superbikes, but I couldn't be sure, as I had a groove-thing going on in my head.....I'd really like a Buell Cyclone, because they're a good looking bike, but they're too small for me. What I'd really like to do, is whip the engine out and slot it into an airhead frame, that way I'd manage to offend two whole communities of motorcycle afficionado's which, as we all know, puts a pep in your step and makes life worth livin'...you see, being an anarchic situationist, with undertones of postmodernism, I need to disturb the mental silt that gets in the way of unmediated consciousness, and lets me write a particular form of bullshit that, in the normal course of events, is really hard to achieve.....thankfully, in 22 days, 12 hours and 32 minutes, it's my birthday and I'll be able to utilise herbs again after my once-yearly, self-inflicted, month-long moratorium that I subject myself to due to a weird form of masochism I'm prone to undertake, which results in me not knowing when to shut the fuck up........still, it's good to know I'm among friends who don't judge people for their minor foibles or, if they do, have the good grace to respond in an interesting manner. Just saying "fuck off you limey piece of shit" doesn't count, because for one thing it's not poetic and, if they did, I would ask planktonnn to come up with a suitable sentence in response, which he's very good at....however, it hasn't happened yet and if it did, I'd be quite surprised. That's not a challenge, by the way. The problem is, being on government pills for a slight* mental malfunction, some days I march to a different drum. Not exactly the same drum that planktonnn marches to, but damn close. The Martha Farquar rhythm section dictates our mood to a surprisingly large extent, sometimes it's like jazz brushes, gently caressing the skins, and sometimes it's like Keith Moon on a bad day, kicking the kit over and setting fire to things.
I'll stop there for the moment, as otherwise I feel I'm hogging the thread, and let someone else have a go.....

* In the playground where the moodswings live, among the bipolar bears and trick cyclists, there is a little box. Inside the box is a set of instructions for how to lead a satisfactory life. The problem I find, is that the list of instructions is written in a strange blend of ancient Sumerian and an even stranger olfactory alphabet reminiscent of the scent of lilacs and apples. At times, this just makes matters worse. When I tell the 'doctor' that I can't decipher the lilac'n'apples, she looks at me like I'm crazy, and then I have to make her feel better, in a professional sense, so that she can fill in the government form that delivers the pills that makes someone else, higher up the authoritarian food-chain, get a cash bonus and an extra secretary. If I try to ameliorate this awkward situation by smoking herbs, I get locked up in prison for having the temerity to self-medicate. It's a funny old game, it really is. Of course, I shouldn't have looked in the box in the first place, but it had a big sign on it saying: "look in here". All of this is further complicated by forming relationships and bringing children into the world, who have the habit of asking questions about the box, for which we don't really have any answers, so we make stuff up, that later on in life comes to bite us in the ass, compounding the problem somewhat. And then people say "why do you make up imaginary global corporations called Martha Farquar International?"
Well...it's just easier, that's all.
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Old 01-08-2011, 08:45 AM   #1289
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Thumb I (possibly) have the answer Grasshopper?!?



Well it crossed my mind yesterday that when I get the DMW into a state of re-refunctionalisation (soon) you might like to TPFT insure & use the STD1 for a while?

No strings, ride it, crash it, I don't give a shit.
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Old 01-08-2011, 09:20 AM   #1290
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Originally Posted by planktonnn View Post


Well it crossed my mind yesterday that when I get the DMW into a state of re-refunctionalisation (soon) you might like to TPFT insure & use the STD1 for a while?

No strings, ride it, crash it, I don't give a shit.

He already has and he already did.......


Sorry i'll go now
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