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Old 04-29-2012, 10:03 PM   #7801
Osprey!
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Inane Cathode. I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad. Having it happen so suddenly must be deeply shocking. Don't worry about cluttering up this thread. If it helps you process the loss, post what you need to.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:06 PM   #7802
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Not sure I've ever posted in this thread, but I would think this would be just the place for it. Seems to be about the community and this is definitely about a member of the community. I have been lurking this thread for some time.

As far as losing your father goes, I'm sorry. I'm sitting here next to my mother in hospice trying to work on her obituary and I'm sure we've got many of the same feelings right now. Questioning why, hating the world. . . I can't see a little old lady without becoming a blubbering mess. . . I hope you're doing OK. If you need someone to chat with who's going through the same hell right now, feel free to PM me.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:37 PM   #7803
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Originally Posted by Krang View Post
Not sure I've ever posted in this thread, but I would think this would be just the place for it. Seems to be about the community and this is definitely about a member of the community. I have been lurking this thread for some time.

As far as losing your father goes, I'm sorry. I'm sitting here next to my mother in hospice trying to work on her obituary and I'm sure we've got many of the same feelings right now. Questioning why, hating the world. . . I can't see a little old lady without becoming a blubbering mess. . . I hope you're doing OK. If you need someone to chat with who's going through the same hell right now, feel free to PM me.
Right on, thanks.
I was thinking today that a silver lining for the event is i wouldnt have to go through watching him fall apart, or deal with a nursing home or anything. I know im probably still in some kind of shock but it almost feels like treading water in my head. For five or ten minutes i'll totally forget about what happened then i'll come back up to the surface and realize the reality of it, then sink back down. I just still cant believe it, it really does feel like a dream. I get lost in daydreams that can sometimes get me emotional. This feels like an incredibly lucid one.

I learned, sort of, in a phone call this morning. Mom was pretty much hysterical and i didnt really understand what she said, or didnt want to. I was (sickly) hoping she was talking about the dog being dead but the whole driveway/street entrance was full of ambulance and fire trucks. They said he was gone and they were about to move him into the truck and drive off. I said i didnt want to see him, i feel kinda shitty about that for some reason. Other than being squeamish in general, i didnt want the last memory of him to be his body, you know?

I also feel shitty for not, like, breaking down like i feel like i should. I just keep thinking about unrelated things like all the vehicles, how much time i should take off work, finishing some bike projects, and so on. It's like i cant really wrap my head around the whole thing so i just bounce off it mentally and go somewhere else. My first reaction, really, after visiting with what family was there, was to want to pack up some crap in the bike and disappear somewhere. Even typing this out feels like i'm just really into reading a script, and i've read that in this scene, my dad has died and i have to talk about it. I'm typing and relating experiences but none of it feels very realistic.

It was pretty negatively powerful sitting in the front yard and looking around at all the things we were going to do. Finish the dune buggy and go drive it around together, go fishing in the boat, camping in the trailer. I was going to put coils in his gl1000 so he could ride it with no problems again but life attacks and i didnt have the time. That did almost turn me into a blubbering mess.

I suppose everyone feels like this but i really do feel like i didnt give him enough time. Most parents get to adequately recover from their kids leaving the house but he never got a chance to. He got to see me leave the house, finish my bus project, and slowly stop coming up as much (i did go see him more the last month or so).

I guess at the moment i'm more confused about what to do. I feel like i'm partially in charge of whats going on, but really i still feel like a little kid with this, like someone else has to handle it, or my dad. I had a little glimmer of pride today, though, realizing that with his passing, his life experiences were partially passed down to me. I know what he was like, who he liked, who he didnt, how he felt about things and experienced the world. His jokes, his jobs he's done, the mannerisms he'd use, and more. Kinda like part of him is in me. Every guy says it, that every day they're becoming more like their father. Today it feels like i've leaped ahead quite a bit on that track.

Edit: I just realized most the people reading this have no idea who i am. My name is Ben Presley, and my dads name is(was?) Darrell Presley
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:52 PM   #7804
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Originally Posted by Inane Cathode View Post
Not sure if i should start a new thread or not, I'm not the most socially active person in this forum so i dont think that'd be appropriate. I just need to vent a little, theres a few people i've meet in person that i think i should let know so here this is.

Some time last night or this morning my dad passed away. My mom found him this morning around 10. Everyone is pretty tore up as it was pretty sudden. I last saw him around 4pm yesterday and he seemed just fine. They're not doing an autopsy for whatever reason, they figure it was a massive heart attack.

I wish i had a more elegant way of posting this but i cant really think of anything better, kinda discombobulated and all. Noone here that i know of ever met him, but rest assured he was a cool dude. Worked his ass off his entire life, put me and my brother through school, and made sure we got what we wanted on christmas and so forth. He's survived by my mom, his sister, my brother, two sisters and myself.

Hey Ben, So sorry to hear this. We had a loss in my family this weekend as well, and while it was not as close a relative as a father, my kids are pretty shook up and are heading out to the first "real" funeral of their lives tomorrow morning.

I'm glad to hear you got to see your Dad the day before and had some time with him. I hope you, your siblings and your mom are doing alright. Let us know if we can do anything for you.

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Old 04-30-2012, 12:46 AM   #7805
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The silver lining as you put it, is just that. On one hand you get to say your goodbyes, but on the other hand you get to say them too many times and as you put it, you watch someone fall apart. I've seen my own personal hell in the past week on this front and I'm glad that I was the only member of the family here when that hit.

Daydreams, I think that's normal. You can't let it consume you, but at the same time you don't want to put it on the back burner. As a result you get a lot of context switching and that, IMO beats the hell out of you mentally. While not quite in the same situation yet, I get tired to the point my body hurts going through the same thing. I was much the same as far as it feeling like it's not a reality. Been strong through this entire ordeal, until I started writing the obituary and then it really set in that this is reality. It's hard grasping that you're losing one of your best and closest friends in life.

I wouldn't concern yourself with not seeing your father after he passed. YOu may have that opportunity at the funeral, and not seeing him in that context leaves you more wiggle-room to choose what your last memory will be. . . and you can make sure it's a good one. I think everyone can understand and support you on this front.

Don't worry about breaking down, everyone copes differently and judging from your posts it's not like you're some sociopath who isn't impacted by this. Your mind is racing, it's keeping itself occupied with other stuff, perhaps a built in coping mechanism(thanks ma nature?). Going through the same thing, it is hard to wrap your head around it. Again I didn't do it until I started writing the Obituary, and even with that I don't know that it wont take me a few days to really grasp the reality of the situation.

As far as the past goes, not giving enough time, regretting certain decisions. I spent about 1/3 of the time I had on this earth with my mother fighting with her, it wasn't until our later years that we became best friends, and that's a hell of a regret that I have at this point. . but you really can't look at it like that, remember the good times and dismiss the rest. Take the regrets, learn and make sure that you don't make that same mistake with other people. All that is left now is making your father proud at every opportunity and with something like this it's a great opportunity to do that while helping your family. Help with affairs, bills, taking care of things around the house, and most importantly taking care of your mother. . . Mothers day is coming up, it's going to be hard enough on her without him there, and take it as someone who blew off last mothers day, take every opportunity to make any day special. . . The opportunity aren't endless.

Stay Strong!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inane Cathode View Post
Right on, thanks.
I was thinking today that a silver lining for the event is i wouldnt have to go through watching him fall apart, or deal with a nursing home or anything. I know im probably still in some kind of shock but it almost feels like treading water in my head. For five or ten minutes i'll totally forget about what happened then i'll come back up to the surface and realize the reality of it, then sink back down. I just still cant believe it, it really does feel like a dream. I get lost in daydreams that can sometimes get me emotional. This feels like an incredibly lucid one.

I learned, sort of, in a phone call this morning. Mom was pretty much hysterical and i didnt really understand what she said, or didnt want to. I was (sickly) hoping she was talking about the dog being dead but the whole driveway/street entrance was full of ambulance and fire trucks. They said he was gone and they were about to move him into the truck and drive off. I said i didnt want to see him, i feel kinda shitty about that for some reason. Other than being squeamish in general, i didnt want the last memory of him to be his body, you know?

I also feel shitty for not, like, breaking down like i feel like i should. I just keep thinking about unrelated things like all the vehicles, how much time i should take off work, finishing some bike projects, and so on. It's like i cant really wrap my head around the whole thing so i just bounce off it mentally and go somewhere else. My first reaction, really, after visiting with what family was there, was to want to pack up some crap in the bike and disappear somewhere. Even typing this out feels like i'm just really into reading a script, and i've read that in this scene, my dad has died and i have to talk about it. I'm typing and relating experiences but none of it feels very realistic.

It was pretty negatively powerful sitting in the front yard and looking around at all the things we were going to do. Finish the dune buggy and go drive it around together, go fishing in the boat, camping in the trailer. I was going to put coils in his gl1000 so he could ride it with no problems again but life attacks and i didnt have the time. That did almost turn me into a blubbering mess.

I suppose everyone feels like this but i really do feel like i didnt give him enough time. Most parents get to adequately recover from their kids leaving the house but he never got a chance to. He got to see me leave the house, finish my bus project, and slowly stop coming up as much (i did go see him more the last month or so).

I guess at the moment i'm more confused about what to do. I feel like i'm partially in charge of whats going on, but really i still feel like a little kid with this, like someone else has to handle it, or my dad. I had a little glimmer of pride today, though, realizing that with his passing, his life experiences were partially passed down to me. I know what he was like, who he liked, who he didnt, how he felt about things and experienced the world. His jokes, his jobs he's done, the mannerisms he'd use, and more. Kinda like part of him is in me. Every guy says it, that every day they're becoming more like their father. Today it feels like i've leaped ahead quite a bit on that track.

Edit: I just realized most the people reading this have no idea who i am. My name is Ben Presley, and my dads name is(was?) Darrell Presley
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Old 04-30-2012, 06:13 AM   #7806
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Originally Posted by Osprey! View Post
Inane Cathode. I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad. Having it happen so suddenly must be deeply shocking. Don't worry about cluttering up this thread. If it helps you process the loss, post what you need to.

+1... In my thoughts
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:38 AM   #7807
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Originally Posted by Inane Cathode View Post
Right on, thanks.
I know im probably still in some kind of shock but it almost feels like treading water in my head. For five or ten minutes i'll totally forget about what happened then i'll come back up to the surface and realize the reality of it, then sink back down. I just still cant believe it, it really does feel like a dream.
I guess at the moment i'm more confused about what to do.

Edit: I just realized most the people reading this have no idea who i am. My name is Ben Presley, and my dads name is(was?) Darrell Presley
I am sorry for your loss Ben and I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Your grieving process will be yours alone and, in my experience, it usually occurs in waves. Almost as if your psyche gives you only as much as you can at that moment. It's pretty normal to have the situation feel unreal for a while and you can think of that as another protective mechanism. Staying connected to the ones you love and who love you will help you get through this.
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Old 04-30-2012, 08:19 AM   #7808
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Originally Posted by Inane Cathode View Post
Not sure if i should start a new thread or not, I'm not the most socially active person in this forum so i dont think that'd be appropriate. I just need to vent a little, theres a few people i've meet in person that i think i should let know so here this is.

Some time last night or this morning my dad passed away. My mom found him this morning around 10. Everyone is pretty tore up as it was pretty sudden. I last saw him around 4pm yesterday and he seemed just fine. They're not doing an autopsy for whatever reason, they figure it was a massive heart attack.

I wish i had a more elegant way of posting this but i cant really think of anything better, kinda discombobulated and all. Noone here that i know of ever met him, but rest assured he was a cool dude. Worked his ass off his entire life, put me and my brother through school, and made sure we got what we wanted on christmas and so forth. He's survived by my mom, his sister, my brother, two sisters and myself.
Such a shock and you were right to post it up. Everybody in the Rockies knows there are lots of people on here with lots of experience and can understand almost any situation. My Dad died very suddenly with a massive heart attack while I was kayaking down in the Keys. No indication at all that anything was wrong before that. The police came because a neighbor called them and it looked like somebody had broken in. I was filled with both rage and sadness. Later it came to light that he had been working on the back door when the problem hit him. But having a Dad who you were so involved with is great, as I was with mine. Just remember that grieving is unique to each individual so go through with memories of your Dad in however they pop up and eventually your main sadness will be replaced with all the good memories and knowledge your Dad is with God.
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Old 04-30-2012, 08:22 AM   #7809
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Krang and IC,
I lost my dad 2 years ago in Sept. and also went through hospice with less than 2 months to deal the knowledge that he was going to die soon. Hang in there, it does get better, but not as fast as you would like. PM me if you ever need to vent, talk, swear, drink a beer, go for a ride, etc. to help release some steam.
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Old 04-30-2012, 08:31 AM   #7810
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Sorry to hear this IC.

Go easy & be there for your Mom -
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:08 AM   #7811
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Sorry to hear this IC.

Go easy & be there for your Mom -
Word. Going up there right now in fact, its a good day to ride. If it feels right i might go take his goldwing around and think about stuff.
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:11 AM   #7812
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Riding (and motion) are soothers of the soul.

Go for that ride.
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:46 AM   #7813
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Originally Posted by Inane Cathode View Post
Word. Going up there right now in fact, its a good day to ride. If it feels right i might go take his goldwing around and think about stuff.
This!
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:12 PM   #7814
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I'm sorry for your loss, Ben. It's a big shock when one's parent passes away suddenly. I know.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:15 PM   #7815
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Well, it's not in Boulder, but it's HUGE... the West Arvada Dog Park (immediately east of the Ralston Dam/ Blunn reservoir) on 64th Ave.

There's so much space there with multiple gated off areas, you can easily let her run without too much interaction with other dogs.
To followup with this post, the dog did great at the boulder Rez this weekend, i hope to take here to the arvada one next weekend. Thanks!

edit: Ben, i cant imagine. You are in my thoughts, prayers and concerns. Hang in there!
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