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Old 07-03-2015, 07:42 PM   #1
LudemJo OP
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How do you explain...

The drive that some people have to do things like the iron butt ride to a spouse or family? I don't fully understand it myself, but I have this need to measure myself or compete in any hobby or pursuit that I become passionate about.

It happens with all my hobbies...with woodcarving I went to the Ward World Championships two or three times in Ocean City, Md. Never won anything, but my peers in the field thought my work was good enough to be entered in the advanced class, rather than novice as originally entered.

I have competed in trap, skeet, and sporting clays competitions, as a shooter.

Pretty much anything I get involved in, I feel a strong desire to compete...I don't even really know why, because I know I am not good enough to take home all the marbles, but still I have this drive. The problem is, the one person I really need to support me in these pursuits simply does not understand. She says things like, "Why can't you just do it for fun?". Tha problem is, I see things like the SS1000 as fun. She has no desire to join me in these pursuits, and that is fine. I have volunteered to buy a Spot Tracker so she can keep tabs, but fundementally, she just doesn't see the need/desire. She just doesn't get it...and I'm not sure she can ever understand...it may just be a male/female thing.

Unfortunately, all the guys that have had first hand experience are on their way from Albuquerque, headed to the eastern national parks and monuments...

So back yo my original question, How do you explain this to the woman you have been married to for 28 years...and look forward to 28 more???

John
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Old 07-03-2015, 07:59 PM   #2
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(This coming from somebody that's never been married)

If she understood you wanting to compete in any other hobby or activity then she might already see this coming! Although I'd personally possibly think you're crazy... Those Iron Butt riders all are
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Old 07-03-2015, 08:59 PM   #3
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I did a 1000 and a 1500 one time. Wrote about it on my blog. Personal thoughts aside, I just showed my wife the page, told her it was something I wanted to do, and would only be gone two days, one night. That should be an easy convince. Hell, the 1000 you'd be back in your own bed that night. Have her help you plan the route and stops or whatever.

But, doing the 1000 or 1500 I don't view them as competition. Kinda like golfing, you against the course. Now, doing the rally is a whole other level.
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Old 07-03-2015, 09:10 PM   #4
Dr. Pinetree
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If she loves you, she'll understand.

Personally, I don't get the whole "high mileage = big fun" thing, but that's me.

I like to ride, she knows I like to ride, and she's supported my desire to ride with no jealousy or anything.

She just says "be safe" as I head out.

There's no explanation needed or offered.
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Old 07-03-2015, 09:56 PM   #5
ph0rk
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it doesn't seem that different than marathons or cycling centuries to me, and it damn sure takes less time than through hiking.

Not every couple spends all of their free time together. I suppose I'd start with "I want to".
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:33 PM   #6
swimmer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LudemJo View Post
The drive that some people have to do things like the iron butt ride to a spouse or family? I don't fully understand it myself, but I have this need to measure myself or compete in any hobby or pursuit that I become passionate about.

It happens with all my hobbies...with woodcarving I went to the Ward World Championships two or three times in Ocean City, Md. Never won anything, but my peers in the field thought my work was good enough to be entered in the advanced class, rather than novice as originally entered.

I have competed in trap, skeet, and sporting clays competitions, as a shooter.

Pretty much anything I get involved in, I feel a strong desire to compete...I don't even really know why, because I know I am not good enough to take home all the marbles, but still I have this drive. The problem is, the one person I really need to support me in these pursuits simply does not understand. She says things like, "Why can't you just do it for fun?". Tha problem is, I see things like the SS1000 as fun. She has no desire to join me in these pursuits, and that is fine. I have volunteered to buy a Spot Tracker so she can keep tabs, but fundementally, she just doesn't see the need/desire. She just doesn't get it...and I'm not sure she can ever understand...it may just be a male/female thing.

Unfortunately, all the guys that have had first hand experience are on their way from Albuquerque, headed to the eastern national parks and monuments...

So back yo my original question, How do you explain this to the woman you have been married to for 28 years...and look forward to 28 more???

John
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:40 PM   #7
dustin2
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I don't understand how she can be married to you for 28 years and fail to understand what makes you tick. Mind you, I have never been married and genuinely have no grasp of what makes them successful.

Maybe she's just worried about you but isn't able to be up front about it?
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Old 07-04-2015, 05:14 AM   #8
kraven
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I have friends like you, including guys I ride with and do other hobbies like hunting with.

Some guys have to turn everything into a pissing contest, or at least some kind of competition regardless of how high or low the stakes are. I was born pretty laid back. I can be competitive. But to me life is too short to spend my time trying to be good at things that don't come naturally to me.

Competitive with IBAR and 4 corners? Knock yourself out. Generally it's a competition of equipment and bladder control, along with the ability to stave off the existential angst that comes from hours by yourself asking "why the hell am I doing this?"

But that's why they make Fords and Chevies.
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Old 07-04-2015, 07:00 AM   #9
LudemJo OP
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Great responses...yes she always sees it coming, but fundementally does not understand why that is. I guess it is more about pushing my personal limits than direct competition. I just wish I could explain it in such a way that she could understand. Yes, much of her concern is worry about me being on the distant road alone. Most of our riding is two-up.

Ultimately, my SS1000 will happen. We will see where it goes from there. I may find it is not that fun...but I surely do love riding.

Thanks for all your input.

John
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Old 07-04-2015, 07:25 AM   #10
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I completed my 20th IBA ride last week. I've been married 40 years. I don't understand the question.
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Old 07-04-2015, 07:41 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LudemJo View Post
Ultimately, my SS1000 will happen. We will see where it goes from there. I may find it is not that fun...but I surely do love riding.
Its a TRAP!

Sounds like you have a simple case of the "because its there"s ... I suffer from that too. Though it seems clear that you get IBA rides are not really 'competitions' but are simple measures of particular accomplishments. phOrk was dead-on with the marathon analogy - thousands of people all participating with absolutely no chance of winning, but thats not why they do it.

If its out there for you to do - then have at it. If I am getting your mindset, it sounds like you'll not stop at an SS1k, and thats cool. And after 28 years - your wife may not "get it" but will get that you do.

I just rode from CT to CO because its there and I've never been. My wife wanted nothing to do with a trip this loosely planned and of this magnitude but happily sent me on my way following along in pictures I sent from the road. Some family/friends don't get it - but we do and thats all that matters.

Happy wife = more $$ to spend on tires!!!
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Old 07-04-2015, 03:29 PM   #12
Dr AT
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" I'm going on this ride, can you come as well"
If you're lucky, she might join you and start to understand why you do it. If she doesn't understand you pull out and go solo next time.
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Old 07-04-2015, 04:26 PM   #13
Doug Pirahna
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Doing the math, if you been married 28 yrs you're 50ish anyway. In my experience, I'm 56, you reach a point where you say hell, if I don't do it now when will I? I took up running in my late 40s and when I was 49 ran my first marathon. I've run 13 now, and while I'll never win one, I've gotten good enough that I qualified for Boston and will run it next spring. I absolutely love competing now, but runners anyway are very supportive of each other. Before I started running I thought anything to do with competition was way behind me, I wasn't very athletic in school anyway. Two years ago I decided I'd combine my passion for riding and running and rode my Multistrada 1200 from central IL to Missoula MT to do a marathon then ride back. An absolutely unforgettable experience and a real MFer! I did 3700 miles that week with four 700+ mile days and a marathon in the middle.

Anyway, point being, if it's a goal of yours, just try to get your wife to accept it, she doesn't have to understand it! You aren't going to be on this planet forever!
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Old 07-04-2015, 04:47 PM   #14
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It's all intrinsic. Tell her it's the cave man in you. Many of us still have the hunter in us and these are just ways of letting that out. In modern day society cavemanism is frowned upon. They (society as a whole) want us all to be neutered domesticated bulls, happy to just graze along...while some of us are still buck wild manimals.
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Old 07-04-2015, 04:52 PM   #15
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I'd rather take ten days to ride 1500 miles than do it in two. Wtf is the thrill in spinning an odometer on a friggin interstate? Go see something, do something, experience something or some place but to just pound miles? I think she's got a great point in not being interested and I've been riding since around 1978. She isn't the only one who doesn't get you.

I'll give you something to do, and you don't have to leave home! A guy in NJ is trying to dig the deepest hole ever dug by one man in his yard by hand. Now you have competition. A goal. A deed worth doing? Let me know when you hit 100'! I'll keep him informed of your progress too.
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