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Old 02-17-2014, 05:33 AM   #1
vermin OP
unrepentant thinner
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Joined: Jan 2007
Oddometer: 542
The AngiNa Monologues: Part IV

So where was I? Oh yeh I lost

A) enthusiasm for my cubicle job,
B) half my 401 k
C) most my mind truck driving
D) all the equity in my house

So here I am fifty something and washed up on the shore of financial ruin. I went truck driving to get off the couch and ended up really irratating and routinely coming to blows with a 6’8” Argentinian Caballero in the cab of a Big Peterbilt.
(the bad kind of blows not the birthday kind).

A righteous bro/friend/mutant by the name of Fat Bastard hooked me up with a mondo cush job square up the arse of a major global auto company world design headquarters. BINGO! Sorry Corporacion Mas Grande you have been infested by Vermin.

The gig was made entirely palatable by large bags of money and a promise that I would never never never be surrounded by the muted mauve tones of a Steelcase series 9000 people solution (no that name is not ominous, implying that people are a problem that can be solved) brand work station/ cubicle.
Being a contract whore I could pretty much come and go as I please so after a Year I started getting a little restless. I told the most excellent boss on the planet that I had to blow the carbon out and it wouldn’t hurt to take the cack on a little spin either.



I had been rolling around in the bed feeling a little guilty because my kids had essentially been dicked out of the meager funds I had accrued (ok a lot guilty) by large banks who now wanted my kids to borrow from them to get an education so they could work for them (does that seem like indentured servitude to anyone else?).

Knowing full well SweetThang will let me do whatever I want as long as I take a runt with me. So while she was still 2/3rds asleep I mumbled something about my scheme and she did not say no (because she may not have been conscious not unlike my semi annual conjugal visit)

Anywho I woke up and axed Drifter if he wanted to go on a little ride. The kid still more or less wanted to be a writer and all I could really give him at this point is an excellent adventure.

So even though he generally is disgusted with the fact I am still breathing he jumps out of bed and starts scurrying about the casa de rodentia grabbing sundry items.

Stay tuned and see what happens when 12’10” of narcoleptic skeletal meat rolls on a busted up 1990 honda Pacific coast.

vermin screwed with this post 03-30-2014 at 05:55 AM
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Old 02-17-2014, 05:40 AM   #2
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Location: Annapolis MD
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I am so in
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Old 02-17-2014, 05:45 AM   #3
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You still got that PC800? Let's see where it takes you next. Buona fortuna
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Old 02-17-2014, 06:07 AM   #4
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Im' in !
uno avulso non deficit alter
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Old 02-17-2014, 06:39 AM   #5
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Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Okie near Muskogee
Oddometer: 3,864
Can't beat a trusty and very crusty old Honda. Amazing life in that ole bike. Bring on the sand lol.
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Old 02-17-2014, 06:48 AM   #6
Rhonda is home!!! :D
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Old 02-17-2014, 06:54 AM   #7
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Thought the day might never come! Der Vermin rides again! In.
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Old 02-17-2014, 07:14 AM   #8
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The winter blahs have me in serious need of some comedic entertainment.
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Old 02-17-2014, 07:41 AM   #9
Joined: Apr 2013
Location: Western Mass.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin
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Old 02-17-2014, 07:47 AM   #10
Is it cold in here?
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Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Eagle River, Alaska
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It's good to hear that you didn't fall off the edge of the earth and that Cack still lives!

Can't wait to see where this Vermon tail/tale leads...
It’s easier to have a strong opinion with less information.

Check out forum.

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Old 02-17-2014, 12:13 PM   #11
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Go ride while you can.
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Old 02-17-2014, 05:11 PM   #12
Marc LaDue
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Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Hancock Township, Plymouth County, Iowa
Oddometer: 147
Life Saver!

I'm currently going through some rather tough times with ailments requiring surgery and time off, neither of which I like too much. Consequently, I'm a bit depressed. Or should I say was, until I saw your latest contribution! Nothing like a little vermin to get one up and going. Even "Hondarider" Ross, your closet protege, has risen from the "not so dead, just smelly" pile of yesterday's scribes with a new addition to his continuing "Chowder Chronicles", what more could I ask? I'm feeling better all ready!

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Old 02-17-2014, 06:15 PM   #13
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About damb time!
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Old 02-18-2014, 06:23 AM   #14
vermin OP
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giddy giddy yup

So I chuck a bunch of stuff in my handy dandy tool box/luggage rack and throw it on the back and


My buddy chip had fabricated a cool heat exchanger in my exhaust out of old electrical stuff so I could cook my beans whilst driving (practical) and gave me a mean exhaust stack so I could put a tractor flapper on the top of it for the sole purpose of hearing something in this modern fast paced world that still sounded like (a neutered version of) my grandpas Farmall M.

Being the fastidious maintainer of machinery that i am I notice that I have no tread on the rear tire but I rue the day I spend money on this bike so I cross my eyes just right and imagine tread and hope I can get one more trip out of it. If I ever win the tire lottery and have both wear out at the same time I fully intend to dispatch this bike to the one square mile pile of shit near work.

Anyway being the adroit mechanical designer that I am I slung my barbeque rack/lawnmower handle/cheap trunk on the back it bashed into my new exhaust.

Work it out with the Cacksaw Drifter

I haven’t really thought about this trip much so while he sawed I perused the atlas I am sure to lose later. The notion crosses my mind that from a pure target acquisition angle I have not set foot in Rhode Island and Delaware yet. As much as I fancy that I am a smooth flowing hippy type I kinda really want to kill off those two states so I can say I hit all the states that you can without a propeller or something.

In order to get Drifters buy in I declare it a Snooky quest and we would go view Guido's in their natural habitat.

My Map lookin head (horizontal lines=worry and vertical=confusion/consternation)

So I run this by Drifter (newbies check out Zen and the art of motorcycle negligence if you want to know the players without a scorecard) and he seems entirely malleable.

I decide to not go through Canada. Not because Canada sucks but because I always get massively hassled coming back into “The Bastion of Freedom”. Random observation number one Canadian Customs has an inordinately high level of hot chick agents.

Well played Canada. Canada took an alternate course to responding to “British Tyranny” and seem to be more well adjusted for it. We have immortalized violence and putting holes in people so it is no wonder there is a lot of violence and people with holes in them.

Anyway I rectum that the Cackadian route is off the table so I ponder and squinch my head up like a shar pei (you know a wrinkly dog not a felt tip marker) and do some grade A rapid fire thinking. Most of my trips have a musical element to them.

Exhibit A: along time ago I took my alpha boy to Forth Worth (from Detroit) to see Willie Nelson’s Fourth of July Family Picnic. Which was a smooth idea but unfortunately on the way back I lost my wallet and had to call home to get a Western Union Cash infusion from a deeply hateful wife while I left her prescious baby alone in a dank ass hotel in Arkansas while I shot up and and down the freeway looking for it. My kid said dad you left it in the last gas station and having no idea how far back the gas station was I was required to go backwards one full gas tank to find it.

Pre wallet debacle at a house of worship

Anyway I digress, I reckon this adventure needs some substance instead of just a mile humping exodus so

I PLANNED! To stop at the rock and roll hall of Fame in the Land of the Cleavage.

In time all the necessary hunks were sawed off and we left. Drift and I rolled down the road purdy as you please. Two full grown men well in excess of 6feet tall on a bike that was designed for commuting secretary receptionisteseses.

Ohio always makes my sphincter clench because of a story my buddy GatorJane relayed about jail time and terse discussions with the law types there as he was just trying to pass through.

We landed without incident in Sandusky and having either zero or an intermittent charging system (tenderized in Alaska and Baked in Chihuahua) my first order of business is to vermirig up my whole wiring ordeal at the hotel.

Mexican alternator

Of course Drifter was still in normal world and was relatively disgusted by the rolling anomaly that is cack. Don’t worry he loosens up later.

vermin screwed with this post 03-30-2014 at 05:59 AM Reason: cranial ischemia
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Old 02-18-2014, 06:33 AM   #15
Lewddite at large...
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Location: BFE, SW Oregon/SF BayO'rea
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The Apocalypse is nigh!!!

Vermin and Cack have returned!!!

"...when I handed the 40 ouncer to him, he got that far off stare that a cat gets when it just gets done licking its ass for the last 15". Yeah, THAT stare." -WTF-Over
"Don't come in here with your thoughtfulness, empathy, and reason... this is shit, up with which, I shall not put." -Boondoggle
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