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Old 07-12-2011, 03:42 PM   #1
Gnarly Adventurer
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Joined: Jul 2005
Oddometer: 198
CETME rides again - Older and Fatter edition. FL to Montana on the Nighthawk.

Dear Friends,

I'm old now. I just turned 30. I'm also fat. How fat you ask? Let me explain:

The reason I got fat was because I graduated school and got my teaching degree. Nobody respects a fit and trim teacher, so a belly and a silly beard was in order. I merrily got to work by eating DiGiorno's pizzas and lots of bowls of cereal. Unfortunately, due to the education budget crisis, there is, and has been, a hiring freeze on teachers in my county. So here I am, as a fat and bearded teacher, and no full time job.

Not wanting to be dissuaded, I started substitute teaching. This form of teaching is a totally different animal and is horrible when you have a beard and a belly. Substitute teachers need to be fit and trim and ready to kill and murder at any moment's notice, it's a battle for survival there and the meek and jolly get slaughtered. I was waiting and hoping for a full time teaching position, so I had to keep the belly in case any positions magically opened up.

Then with a further budget cut, my county decided to send all it's substitute teachers their retirement notices to try to get a few of them to retire early. Well, I decided that I'm 30 and early bird gets the worm, I took the retirement.

I'm back in school doing something totally different than teaching, and as such have zero money.

A week ago, my friend Anna:

Told me she was flying to Montana to visit our friend Crissi-Lyn (right):

Who drove from FL to Tennessee in her truck to save me:

Who rode to walmart to buy flea/tick spray, and then sprayed me with down with said dog flea/tick spray when I got covered in ticks in Tennessee (this state hates me.)

You see, we've been friends since high-school and Anna and I have been driving across the country to visit Crissi Lyn at her cabin in Wisconsin since we were 16yrs old. Anna recently bought a ticket to go see her and it sucked that I couldn't afford a ticket to go see Crissi Lyn, not to mention knowing that they would be hanging out and having fun without me.

So I thought about it, and like a clever fox, I hatched a plan. I started writing for an automotive news site part time recently. I get what amounts to $.01 per click on each of my stories. Looking back to my old ride reports, I've had 50,000 views on them. If I could get a small fraction of those people to click on my stories, I would have more than enough to afford to go AND even possibly make it back.

Like this path here:

So here I am, and here are my stats:

Me, Fat. Check this out:

As attractive as a 6000lb Tiger

And the faithful Nighthawk, sitting in a friend's leaky shed for a couple years:

Not looking so hot

Check out that rear tire and chain!

Here's the plan, and the only plan. If you guys can manage to click on each of these links once, I'll have enough to go. This is a legitimate website, it's not pornography, it's not spam, it's a real automotive news site. You don't have to read them either. It would really only take 10 seconds to do and if I can get enough clicks, I'll go and do my damnest to entertain the socks off you guys in the process.

Cars that make us feel 10yrs old again
Cars you should know: Porsche 959
Cars you should know: Lamborghini Countach
Funny Video: Drag racer loses something important at 200mph
Ducati 1199 shows its face in leaked photo
The future of Jeep and the end of the Compass and Patriot
Awesome video of 240hp Motorcycle racing up Pikes Peak
How to choose the right car to survive the Zombie Apocalypse
How not to save money: The true cost of motorcycle ownership
CEO of General Motors Dan Akerson would like to see gas tax increased
2014 Ford Mustang: Lighter and faster pony car the whole world can enjoy
NHTSA considering mandating black box recorders in all cars
Come on Jeep! Build a Wrangler pickup already!
Spy Shot: 2012 Ducati Super Quadrata revealed
Mazda Miata MX5: Least manly car in the world loses 720lbs
Obama's Cadillac defeated by speed bump
Leaked: Mercedes Benz hides their 2012 C63 AMG black by painting it red
Husqvarna releases photos of ugly but awesome 2012 Nuda 900R
Audi releases photos of punch-me-in-the-face awesome Audi R8 GT Spyder
Merceds Benz SLS AMG Roadster revealed!
Broward County, South Florida: Judge rules officers can no longer issue tickets for running red lights
Suzuki fails to impress with its new 2012 V-Strom
No money, big problems. SAAB bankruptcy drama simplified

I would leave in a couple weeks. If I can get enough by then I'll leave. In the meantime. I'll be posting about the resurrection of the Nighthawk back to original glory.

CETME screwed with this post 07-12-2011 at 04:04 PM
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Old 07-12-2011, 04:37 PM   #2
Gnarly Adventurer
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: NYC
Oddometer: 138
I enjoyed reading about your adventures and was wondering what happened to you. Anyways, I clicked the links so lets get this show on the road.
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:03 PM   #3
Jim Z
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Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Winona Lake
Oddometer: 134
Originally Posted by Radu View Post
I enjoyed reading about your adventures and was wondering what happened to you. Anyways, I clicked the links so lets get this show on the road.
Exactly. All your trips are in my browser favorites. I clicked all your stories, and even read them. The Nighthawk condition makes me sad. What happened to the Aprilia?

left-field edit: Nice Tigers. I have the same shoes.
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Old 07-13-2011, 04:13 AM   #4
prometheus rising
Ghost In The Machine
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Joined: Jul 2008
Oddometer: 745
Done, looking forward to this one
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

The Adirondacks and Beyond ADV ride report
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Old 07-13-2011, 07:29 AM   #5
I got a job, I explore!
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Joined: Jan 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Oddometer: 58
Sweet, Your RR are funny as hell!!
Links clicked to help with funding.
02 DR 650
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Old 07-13-2011, 02:21 PM   #6
Gnarly Adventurer
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Oddometer: 198
Radu, i'm still alive. I thought after University, I could just be a simple man trying to make a living, but that didn't work out.

Jim, The Aprilia is in my shed. It's pretty much the only nice thing I own, don't think it's roadtrip worthy yet, too pretty.

Prometheus, Thanks my man!

NB_CRF, I appreciate it. Hopefully this one will make you chuckle a time or two as well.

Everyday I'll post up how many clicks I got in a 24hrs period. I'm predicting a slow start, but hopefully it picks up.

Nevertheless! the Nighthawk! It's out in the sun. I could almost feel its eyes squinting as it emerged from its leaky cave and into the Florida sunlight, just like an old bear emerging from its cave after a long winter.

As I rolled it out of the shed a wave of memories and good times came over me. I thought of all the things I've seen on this bike, all the places I've been, all the people I've met, The friends that have ridden along. Not to mention all the pain and suffering that I've experienced along the way aboard this bike.

Here he is!

To say it's filthy is an understatement. While the bike looks sad and old and tired, I don't see it that way. I know this bike's spirit is one of ultimate survivability. I KNOW it will be a proud bird.

To further understand this Nighthawk's easy going attitude, I decided to look up what a Nighthawk really was. This is the result:

Seriously, look at that bird, it doesn't have a care in the world. It just sits there looking awesome all the time. In fact, as soon as I saw this picture, I was instantly reminded of my bike.

To help those who don't see it understand better:


Here are some pictures of the ol' boy in his post leaky-cave condition:

So first things first, bring out the air compressor and clear out a few pounds of leaves, dirt, pollen, mice and baby unicorns.

Lookin good!

I thought it would be funny to try to see if the tough bastard would start after a few years. I still carry the key to it on every key-chain I have, so i pulled out my keys, placed it in the slot, gave it a turn and thumbed the starter. Eerily quiet. Not ready yet methinks.

To the battery charger!

This old battery was a replacement for the one after my Grand Canyon trip with Kelsey. I can't remember how far back that is, but at least four years or so. What are the chances that the battery charger brings it back from the dead?

I've decided that I'd strip the bike down to nothing and rebuild it. The transmission likes to jump out of second gear, and I have a spare engine.... I think a swap is in order.

Stay tuned and click on those links!
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Old 07-13-2011, 02:51 PM   #7
Pig ridin'
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Saguenay, Quebec, Canada
Oddometer: 177
Nice ride! Links clicked. I liked the Obama story. Good luck.
TCAT traveler: If ever in need near Saguenay, Quebec; have tools, will help. PM me.
My HPF: 21 inch-mx forks R11GS conversion
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Old 07-13-2011, 09:00 PM   #8
Invisible Man
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Location: Socal near the great 33
Oddometer: 2,417
clicked and read em all. now let the fun begin!
"Otherwise, its been a carnival of idiots, and Im the f*ckin ringmaster" - RTW Doug
Speed is your friend, it also why you see a bike up in a tree from time to time - WarLlama

2009 Alaska , 2010 Moab
2011 Calif Dreaming , 2013 Mexico
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Old 07-13-2011, 09:26 PM   #9
Trail Dumpster
4.5 Years to Freedom
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Joined: Nov 2009
Location: Roy, Ut
Oddometer: 152

Clicked the links.. Good luck.
2010 Victory Vegas (Stock Rocks)
1992 Yamaha WR-500ZD (Plated) Needs rebuild Threw chain cracked case
1975 Honda XL175
1991 Klr 650.. 1994 FE501 Berg'
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Old 07-13-2011, 09:38 PM   #10
cereal lurker
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Joined: Jun 2006
Location: Zambo.Peninsula
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I enjoyed reading your ride reports and click on all the link. I'm looking forward to your report.
'85 xr350, XR440, '99 RD07X, 01 XR650R
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Old 07-13-2011, 09:57 PM   #11
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Joined: Dec 2010
Location: Maryland - USA
Oddometer: 77
I did some clicking for you....


Teaching is a honorable profession.......I salute you..

Clicked on all your links......Obama being stuck was funny.....The Saab story is just sad....

Good luck on the re-build.....subscribed.....

I'll stay right here, you go first.

1997 Suzuki Savage 650 - it's a thumper.

1980 Yamaha XS 1100 G - The fast silver one.
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Old 07-13-2011, 10:01 PM   #12
Do it.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Dublin, California
Oddometer: 115
Choosing the right car to survive the Zombie Apocalypse - was my favorite. Clicked them all.
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Old 07-14-2011, 11:40 AM   #13
Gnarly Adventurer
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Joined: Jul 2005
Oddometer: 198
Today was a sad day. After 24 hrs on life support, the battery didn't make it. I spent most of this morning calling it's relatives and by noon I had loads of C's ,AAA's, AA's even some D's at my house for a quiet ceremony.

It was a gentle affair as I broke ground:

We all had kind words to say as we laid him to rest. I think it was particularly funny when his ex-wife said he was all volts and no amps (if you know what I mean.)

After we buried him we had some flavorless ham and cheese sandwiches cut into triangles on boring white bread, but we all thought it was a nice homage:

Nevertheless, back to the Nighthawk.

The bike, in it's current condition is actually a blend of two bikes put together. Unfortunately, the transmission loves to pop out of second gear, so I have to replace the engine with this spare:

A new heart!

Here is a parts bike I bought from an older gentleman a few years ago. I have to say his taste for spray paint is quite exquisite. He really used the paint to his advantage in making a truly gorgeous and beautiful bike. Red paint on the engine? sure! thick, black paint and gaudy flame stickers on the tank? PERFECT SENSE! Paint the wheels silver with no regard to any aesthetics? Brilliant!

Don't barf.
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Old 07-14-2011, 12:17 PM   #14
NWGS's pwner!1!!1!
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Joined: May 2006
Oddometer: 25,998
Clicked away. Enjoy the ride. Don't blow the $0.23 I contributed all in one place.
Originally Posted by NWGS
This post has zero to do with civility and more to do with stupidity.
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Old 07-14-2011, 04:42 PM   #15
On a different frequency
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Auburn, WA
Oddometer: 270
Roman Rosa ???

i clicked some today and more tomorrow. My boss doesn't like it when i giggle in the office.
"Gravity, sometimes it works better than I want it to" -- Land
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