Burning Man 2011: Gratuitous Debaucherous Escapism

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Day Trippin'' started by JayhooRay, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. JayhooRay

    JayhooRay Adventurer

    Joined:
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    Chapter 2: The Surly Bird



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    And we're back.
    Recognize the Mermaid?




    ..pushing through some heavy heartedness and lingering lack of sleep from the recent Reno Dakar Retrieval and Attempt to Forget the Heart Break Mini-Spring Break Road Trip...oh boohoo:cry:freaky:cry

    Very short RR pending.





    Ok…maybe a bit short on boobies in this chapter…but I figure at least a few folks are actually interested in mutant vehicle part.

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    Alright then, let's get started. So we go back to the good old days of 2003. When I bought an old Dodge Forest Service hay truck for about $800.

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    Add some steel bar stock and a bored guy with welding skills and some underemployed artsy folks with spray paint and power tools

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    And some spray glue for inspiration…

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    We had a mutant vehicle.
    (side note, that woman, Hannah Banana went buck wild her first year on the playa. disappeared all day and came back at sunset buck naked with palindromes written all over her body in sharpie marker. my favorite of course was one beautiful butt cheek that said "live" and the other that said "evil." wri

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    For its day it was pretty sweet although the sound system was a little primitive compared to what we run today…standards were lower.

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    Some other vehicles that were outstanding for the day…

    Dracca.

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    A multi-section dragon with plate steel welded scales and a big huge kerosene flame thrower on the front. Haven’t seen that one around in a long long time.

    Or the Contessa:

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    She was an old school bus with a full wooden ship built around her. I went on board one day and the smell of gasoline and the stifling heat inside were scary. Contessa was pretty sweet looking but super dangerous when moving. She had a reputation for traveling way too fast and yielding to no craft smaller than her…which was no one. Apparently she pissed enough people off that she was torched in the desert one year since she was too big to go anywhere off season and had to be left somewhere in the brush…

    But I digress.

    So the next year the Bird becomes. Red.

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    A new truck is cut up and put under the party decking...twice...both running on bio-diesel. A second rear axle gets welded on. A little DJ booth goes in...blah blah blah bike rack on the back...various configurations of shade on top... And the “branding” starts to take shape. Add more sound, more lights and she eventually becomes what we see here with the “bot” becoming part of the vehicle.

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    Why is it called the Surly Bird? I don’t know if anyone knows anymore. But strangely, the camp salute might look familiar to some readers…

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    He is the guy, Angry Hatey Cat, who came up with Surly as a camp name back when all we had was bikes and coolers and a fucked up dome. He was kind of sick of the peace love and yoga stuff...

    Some more Bird pics for fun.

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    Did you need eye candy?

    Here is an early Sparkle Pony from 2003.











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    Now wouldn’t you go back next year?

    Coming up next...Art and Sparkle Ponies! Oh yes...you will like this one...because like the art cars...the sparkle ponies got better over the years...
    #41
  2. gfloyd2002

    gfloyd2002 Title Free Since '12

    Joined:
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    For an excellent writer and otherwise intelligent guy, you clearly have no clue about your audience. :D

    See, now you're back on track. :nod
    #42
  3. fredster

    fredster Clueless Adventurer

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    Ummm, not really sure my heart can take BETTER sparkle ponies. This one is pretty freakin' amazing.
    #43
  4. pigpen

    pigpen Gone Riding

    Joined:
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    Portland, OR
    Push through the pain!

    "..pushing through some heavy heartedness and lingering lack of sleep from the recent Reno Dakar Retrieval and Attempt to Forget the Heart Break Mini-Spring Break Road Trip...oh boohoo"

    Going through a divorce right now, empathy abounds! go through the whole process and then focus on the good things in life!
    Focus!

    BTW thanks for the small update!
    #44
  5. JayhooRay

    JayhooRay Adventurer

    Joined:
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    Bend, Oregon
    Chapter 3: Art and Sparkle Ponies and the Burn...


    Ah yes, now we get to the good stuff right? Sparkle Ponies.

    The Sparkle Pony is an elusive creature unless you are aware of their preferred habitats and gathering times. The are essentially synonymous with Playa Poodles, although the latter are strictly furred whereas the Sparkle Pony is often quite hairless and decorated with shiny or sparkly things. One of the world’s largest gathering of Sparkle Ponies is Burning Man. Honestly, its about 30% of why I go.

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    Flashback to 2009. I’ve just arrived home rough and sick from a trip to India. I’m about 30 pounds underweight…seriously. I just make it to the burn thanks to a last minute House worthy diagnosis of an autoimmune disorder caused by malnutrition and acute gastrointestinal illness first documented in German prisoner of war camps in WWI. Really. Diagnosed by my ophthalmologist. Treated with steroids. “The make it hard for you to sleep and may make you very amped up.” Sweet, can I take extra for a few days? So I spent a lot of time chillin’ that year in the front seat of the Bird reading a book and smoking cigarettes and drinking various things. Other guys from camp would come hang out. We are usually camped on a corner so there is lots of random stuff going by to gawk at. Little motorized cupcakes with people in them…topless women on bicycles…the usual. Usually about twice a day some absolutely beautiful woman would come by is some state of fancy hardly dressed…followed by a few more…followed by a few more with spectacular bare breasts letting their full Sparkle Pony selves turned up to a reasonable mid-day 8. They stop and chat about the Bird…when are we going out? They live in the neighborhood and partied with us last night/year whatever…ok cool…see ya later! One guy says to another…I love this place.




    Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah… So what was mysterious until last year, because bare breasts are distracting and cause thought impairments, is what do Sparkly Ponies do? Well. They eat your food if it is fruit cups, bacon, ice cream, or ticktacks. They drink your drinks, especially if they are fruity boozy dranks or champagne. They sit around under the shade structure in your camp every now and then and look like they just might want to have sex with you some day maybe…if you have more champagne. And they will gladly do all your drugs before they traipse off in a little posse giggling, squeeking, chattering, prancing, tossing their pretty manes, and breaking necks and causing bike crashes. Basically, they are DJ’s girlfriends…almost to a one. If not, they were last week or will be next week. They don’t seem to have jobs much unless it involves a stage and a brass pole or a lot of time in Mexico on a beach. Well, they might teach hoola hooping.

    Off Season Sparkle Ponies:









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    Bet money that guy is a DJ.








    Usually it is just fun to stare at Sparkly Ponies from behind your mirrored shades and make jokes about them as if you really would kick one out of camp…for whatever reason it is you are bitching about. Then one day it occurred to me that on the playa I am in danger of becoming the very rare male heterosexual Sparkle Pony…more on that later. And I realized that my camp is full of hot chicks…and a few Sparkle Ponies. Would you like to see some? Oh! Ok!


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    Yep, her again...



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    oops...that's a Mermaid.

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    You gotta be careful around them though. They lull you in with cuteness and when you pass out trying to keep up with them they tag up your face...









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    Or steal you bike...look there's a bike in this picture...its mine...see the bike? Hello?









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    Aren't they pretty?

    Ok…now…deep breath…let’s redeem ourselves now shall we? Art…well…funny but I stopped photographing that years ago because other people do it way better. But here is my favorite piece from last year.


    Funny…it’s a giant naked woman…

    How big?


    This big….









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    hey...how'd that super hot artsy chick from Europe get in there?

    Zoom out!


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    Here's some Art Cars and stuff...


    This one follows the Bird around a lot...their sorta neighbor friends folks kinda in our camp. Check out the Temple in the background...more on that later too...

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    Yeah...its all red faux fur inside with a little sound system...its like a Sparkly Pony nest in there...you have to chase them out all the time...if you only need a few...

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    Yep...those are kids...


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    WTF is wrong with that guy!?! Seriously, its hot out there. Makes your brain soft, your judgement questionable, and may lead to changing underwear with British tourists.





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    Yeah...but check out that party...a regatta...like a thousand plus people dancing and a dozen or so boat style art cars...



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    That's a giant flame thrower mounted in that thing. Big Flames...Like 30ft +





    Ok...some inmate, av_mech, just invited himself over to my house to crash on my couch so I'm gonna get him some whiskey and food...

    Next post we'll go for a little bike ride, visit the temple, have some cocktails in the middle of nowhere, go to a wedding, burn the temple down and pack up...shew.


    How do you know this is not a Sparkle Pony?








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    She's working....:lol3
    #45
  6. JayhooRay

    JayhooRay Adventurer

    Joined:
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    Oddometer:
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    Bend, Oregon
    I thought about saving this for the very end but changed my mind.


    Photo essay for balance. Bike Porn. We went out on Monday when you can discretely drive on play. We visited the trash fence, the Man's ashes, and the Temple's ashes.


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    #46
  7. Papa Big Cycle

    Papa Big Cycle Adventurer

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    Portland, Oregon
  8. W.C.Angel

    W.C.Angel Adventurer

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    Bendiego, OR
    lame.
    #48
  9. W.C.Angel

    W.C.Angel Adventurer

    Joined:
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    "Its a joke. Only Djs ride sparkle ponies...I ride motorcycles, bikes, and mutant vehicles...

    seems like if you were going to receive an update you would have got it in September...

    whatever

    doesn't explain the butt only pics...so sorry. took it all down, closed down the account settings...blah blah blah...

    seriously, sorry...

    Seems extra lack of classy"

    I'd agree Jay. Extra lack of classy
    #49
  10. JayhooRay

    JayhooRay Adventurer

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    It ain't over 'till it's over.

    You've probably forgotten that half of my BA was paid for with a creative writing scholarship. I know what I'm doing when I write a story...most times. It's probably why my life keeps turning out the way it does. I'm not quite ready to be done with the story; it could be better.

    I'll be more receptive to critique of the whole work, which I am sure will be deserving.

    Until then, thanks for the aid in the dramatic build up.

    :baldy
    #50
  11. Rainshadow

    Rainshadow Been here awhile

    Joined:
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    Bend, Oregon
    Keep up the report Jay. There's a lot of folks enjoying both the exposure to some interesting alternative culture and amazing art along with the eye candy. A bit of gratuitous exposure never kilt nobody...
    #51
  12. gfloyd2002

    gfloyd2002 Title Free Since '12

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    Anyone who comes into a thread entitled "gratuitous debaucherous escapism" to complain better be complaining about insufficient levels gratuitous debauchery. :D For example, one might complain of the rising anti-sparklepony vibe in the most recent post. One might balk, for example, at the "they use their lack of clothing to manipulate us and mooch stuff" POV as a naive, moral perspective inconsistent with the thread title and, disturbingly, signalling fewer sparklepony pics in upcoming posts. However, since the commentary is founded upon sparkleponies not having sex with the author despite taking his drugs, it seems a completely valid point. Please proceed. :ear (Oh, more butt pics please. I found them to be completely gratuitous, thus delivering perfectly on the promise you made in the thread title.)
    #52
  13. woodly1069

    woodly1069 Long timer

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    Louisville, KY...really too far from the hills!
    More sparkle ponies please!:D
    #53
  14. Emperor Norton

    Emperor Norton Kilroy was here

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    :hide:slurp
    #54
  15. Petrolburner

    Petrolburner Noise Maker

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    Redmond, OR
    :drif

    Keep up the good work Jay! Looking forward to seeing the new Dakar.
    #55
  16. seabee1

    seabee1 we build, we fight

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    i've gotta admit, those sparkle ponys are cool to look at! i might have to go next year and set up a food court! :D
    :1drink
    #56
  17. trevhead

    trevhead Adventurer

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    :lurk
    #57
  18. MOTO DUDE

    MOTO DUDE Rydin Dirty

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    +1 :evil
    #58
  19. WHYNOWTHEN

    WHYNOWTHEN where are the pedals?

    Joined:
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    closer to Baja
    And then................?
    #59
  20. JayhooRay

    JayhooRay Adventurer

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    Sorry to tease you. I picked up a little extra work this week and have been packing for a litte spring break get together in Crooked River Canyon with some other inmates.

    Promise I'll get back to work next week...

    Its not like you weren't going to look at all those previous posts again anyway...

    Something to tide you over...





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    #60