By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. Toejamii

    Toejamii Still Learning

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2015
    Oddometer:
    458
    Location:
    Brisbane
    Be on your guard ... Australian police have just issued a warning about keys.

    They warn that, just 5 keys can open 87% of cars, and 99% of houses in Australia.

    The keys you need to be on the lookout for are:

    Dar-keys, Pak-keys, Bi-keys, Jun-keys and Key-Wi's.
  2. barko1

    barko1 barko1

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2004
    Oddometer:
    4,137
    Location:
    By a lot of nice riding
    :topes
    numbat likes this.
  3. PBee

    PBee ...---...

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
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    11,314
    Location:
    Kersbrook
    I went to my doctor for a hearing problems & a test this week.
    He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
    I said "Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair."
  4. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    4,413
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"

    Johnny: "Seven, Sir."

    Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"

    Johnny: "Seven, Sir."

    Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?"

    Johnny: "Six."

    Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

    Johnny: "Seven!!! SIR!"

    A very angry Teacher: "Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?"

    A very angry Johnny: "Because,.... I've already got a bloody cat!!!"
    BergDonk, goochman, chicky and 12 others like this.
  5. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Nov 28, 2008
    Oddometer:
    4,086
    Location:
    Sunshine Coast
    What did the French pirate do when he dropped his bowl of blancmange?

    He custard
  6. gsd4me

    gsd4me 90% bluff

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Oddometer:
    8,520
    Location:
    Brisbane, Australia
    To do a job properly, one must do the job oneself.
    queen_gun.jpg
    diabolik37 and SmittyBlackstone like this.
  7. Gasman_ADV

    Gasman_ADV Been here awhile

    Joined:
    May 1, 2012
    Oddometer:
    746
    Cussed hard..


    Jeez that took me a while....



    :fpalm
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  8. badmanners

    badmanners Umm, yeah, no.

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Oddometer:
    438
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    received_991920650970397.jpeg

    Cheers, badmanners.
    Weldr, goochman, pratered and 8 others like this.
  9. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    4,413
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    "Please select your ring tone" said the woman as I walked into the anal bleaching clinic.
  10. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    4,413
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    Relationships are a lot like algebra.

    Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
    ECKS-Man, breil, Wodger63 and 2 others like this.
  11. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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    2,500
    Location:
    Hervey Bay
    So as I get around my local community both in work and my own time, I see a lot of abandoned shopping trolleys.
    It then came to my attention that there is an App for your phone from the respective supermarkets where you can report these abandoned trolleys.
    So in the interest of keeping people gainfully employed and getting that warm fuzzy feeling from doing my bit for the community.

    I've been reporting abandoned Coles trolleys to Woolies and abandonded Woolies trolleys to Coles.
  12. OldDog

    OldDog non impediti ratione cogitationis

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Oddometer:
    6,235
    Location:
    Kalgoorlie, Western Australia
    They're also like a deck of cards. It starts out with hearts and diamonds and ends with clubs and spades........
  13. a2zworks

    a2zworks Want to be a better rider

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2013
    Oddometer:
    409
    Location:
    Here
    D6C31FA8-DE86-4B93-AE17-C8284C3835B4.jpeg
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  14. a2zworks

    a2zworks Want to be a better rider

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2013
    Oddometer:
    409
    Location:
    Here
  15. a2zworks

    a2zworks Want to be a better rider

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2013
    Oddometer:
    409
    Location:
    Here
    2293A7A0-6DED-43E2-B4C6-68F7EB3AF515.jpeg
    SmittyBlackstone and Mouse like this.
  16. a2zworks

    a2zworks Want to be a better rider

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2013
    Oddometer:
    409
    Location:
    Here
  17. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    4,413
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
  18. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    4,413
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
  19. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Oddometer:
    4,086
    Location:
    Sunshine Coast
    Went to Maccas & the girl serving was wearing a burqa. I noticed it was quite dirty and tattered and a bit smelly.

    It actually put me off so we walked out and went across the road to Hungry Jacks. Here was another girl wearing a burqa.
    I was happy to see that it was clean and it actually was nicely decorated with beads and sequins.

    That's when I realised - the Burqas are Better at Hungry Jacks....
  20. Out6ack

    Out6ack Whale Rider

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2014
    Oddometer:
    551
    Location:
    Lake Macquarie, Newcastle.
    I'll have double bacon on mine thanks :D
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.