By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. TenereMark

    TenereMark Where are we????????

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2012
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    Sea Lion Place, WA
    Sorry this is slow getting here, been away a couple of weeks..

    I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he had ever read.
  2. Adrian V

    Adrian V Long timer

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    Albany Western Australia
    But if you want the real deal you have to go to Britain, as the burqa's are best at Burqa King.......:fpalm
    SmittyBlackstone and Big Willy like this.
  3. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    King River, Western Australia
    A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, the man informs his wife of his new purchase.

    "Olympic condoms?", she asks, "What makes them so special?"

    "There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

    "What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

    "Gold of course," says the man proudly.

    The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
    Tenerrod, Dukehunt, goochman and 3 others like this.
  4. dirty dennis

    dirty dennis are we there yet

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    Yass NSW
    Heard that a fair few times before
    Not the joke, the last line
    SmittyBlackstone, Dave Ward and Mouse like this.
  5. Mouse

    Mouse I'm only smelly

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    Being deaf can be a truly wonderful thing...
  6. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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    EH??:ear
  7. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Sunshine Coast
    HE SAID "BEING DEAF CAN BE A TRULY WONDERFUL THING..."
    OldDog, rvt, Angry Pete and 6 others like this.
  8. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Sunshine Coast
    Oldie...

    Old bloke goes to the hearing specialist and gets himself a new hearing aid. He's later bragging to his mate...

    "I just got the best hearing aid money can buy...cost me $10,000"

    "What kind is it"

    "Oh, about 10.30"
    SmittyBlackstone, Nashcat and Mouse like this.
  9. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    What do you get hanging off apple trees?




    Sore arms.
    SmittyBlackstone and rvt like this.
  10. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    King River, Western Australia
    I went to a trendy new nightclub at the weekend.

    I walked up to the door and the bouncer said "Sorry mate, you've had too many"

    "Drinks?" I said.

    "Birthdays".
  11. Night Falcon

    Night Falcon TRIUMPH TIGER 800XC

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    this thread is on page two.....its getting like the butcher who sat on his mincer and got behind in is work
  12. Dad

    Dad Diapers & Dirt

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    AZ
    This is a banjo. There's a big difference between the banjo and the guitar. The banjo has a round pot, has a skin stretched over the top and projects the sound outward.... the guitar gets you laid.

    Steve Martin
  13. lentil

    lentil All round nice guy Super Moderator

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  14. Dad

    Dad Diapers & Dirt

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    AZ
  15. Bluetonguejak

    Bluetonguejak Pretend racer

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    Gippsland
  16. dirtsurfer

    dirtsurfer Adventourer

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    On the road to recovery
    Angry Pete, goochman, lentil and 2 others like this.
  17. dirtsurfer

    dirtsurfer Adventourer

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    On the road to recovery
    lentil likes this.
  18. BOOTLACE

    BOOTLACE Bikie Scum.

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    Location:
    Methane Central..(Sth Gippsland)
  19. JMick

    JMick Been here awhile

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    FNQ, Oz
    Very existential!

    Mick
  20. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    Location:
    Snowy Mountains Oz
    A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?"

    No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

    The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

    They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.

    She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

    The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner.

    They invite her back again, but each man harbours a burning desire to beat her.

    The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.

    This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

    The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth." "When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."

    The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"

    She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."