Dear Friends, I'm old now. I just turned 30. I'm also fat. How fat you ask? Let me explain: The reason I got fat was because I graduated school and got my teaching degree. Nobody respects a fit and trim teacher, so a belly and a silly beard was in order. I merrily got to work by eating DiGiorno's pizzas and lots of bowls of cereal. Unfortunately, due to the education budget crisis, there is, and has been, a hiring freeze on teachers in my county. So here I am, as a fat and bearded teacher, and no full time job. Not wanting to be dissuaded, I started substitute teaching. This form of teaching is a totally different animal and is horrible when you have a beard and a belly. Substitute teachers need to be fit and trim and ready to kill and murder at any moment's notice, it's a battle for survival there and the meek and jolly get slaughtered. I was waiting and hoping for a full time teaching position, so I had to keep the belly in case any positions magically opened up. Then with a further budget cut, my county decided to send all it's substitute teachers their retirement notices to try to get a few of them to retire early. Well, I decided that I'm 30 and early bird gets the worm, I took the retirement. I'm back in school doing something totally different than teaching, and as such have zero money. A week ago, my friend Anna: Told me she was flying to Montana to visit our friend Crissi-Lyn (right): Who drove from FL to Tennessee in her truck to save me: Who rode to walmart to buy flea/tick spray, and then sprayed me with down with said dog flea/tick spray when I got covered in ticks in Tennessee (this state hates me.) You see, we've been friends since high-school and Anna and I have been driving across the country to visit Crissi Lyn at her cabin in Wisconsin since we were 16yrs old. Anna recently bought a ticket to go see her and it sucked that I couldn't afford a ticket to go see Crissi Lyn, not to mention knowing that they would be hanging out and having fun without me. So I thought about it, and like a clever fox, I hatched a plan. I started writing for an automotive news site part time recently. I get what amounts to $.01 per click on each of my stories. Looking back to my old ride reports, I've had 50,000 views on them. If I could get a small fraction of those people to click on my stories, I would have more than enough to afford to go AND even possibly make it back. Like this path here: So here I am, and here are my stats: Me, Fat. Check this out: As attractive as a 6000lb Tiger And the faithful Nighthawk, sitting in a friend's leaky shed for a couple years: Not looking so hot Check out that rear tire and chain! Here's the plan, and the only plan. If you guys can manage to click on each of these links once, I'll have enough to go. This is a legitimate website, it's not pornography, it's not spam, it's a real automotive news site. You don't have to read them either. It would really only take 10 seconds to do and if I can get enough clicks, I'll go and do my damnest to entertain the socks off you guys in the process. Links: Cars that make us feel 10yrs old again Cars you should know: Porsche 959 Cars you should know: Lamborghini Countach Funny Video: Drag racer loses something important at 200mph Ducati 1199 shows its face in leaked photo The future of Jeep and the end of the Compass and Patriot Awesome video of 240hp Motorcycle racing up Pikes Peak How to choose the right car to survive the Zombie Apocalypse How not to save money: The true cost of motorcycle ownership CEO of General Motors Dan Akerson would like to see gas tax increased 2014 Ford Mustang: Lighter and faster pony car the whole world can enjoy NHTSA considering mandating black box recorders in all cars Come on Jeep! Build a Wrangler pickup already! Spy Shot: 2012 Ducati Super Quadrata revealed Mazda Miata MX5: Least manly car in the world loses 720lbs Obama's Cadillac defeated by speed bump Leaked: Mercedes Benz hides their 2012 C63 AMG black by painting it red Husqvarna releases photos of ugly but awesome 2012 Nuda 900R Audi releases photos of punch-me-in-the-face awesome Audi R8 GT Spyder Merceds Benz SLS AMG Roadster revealed! Broward County, South Florida: Judge rules officers can no longer issue tickets for running red lights Suzuki fails to impress with its new 2012 V-Strom No money, big problems. SAAB bankruptcy drama simplified I would leave in a couple weeks. If I can get enough by then I'll leave. In the meantime. I'll be posting about the resurrection of the Nighthawk back to original glory.