Ganso de América del Sur (South American Goose)

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by OtterChaos, Sep 16, 2016.

  1. hardroadking

    hardroadking Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Oddometer:
    383
    Location:
    Columbus, OH
    Warning: this entry might be off the charts with psycho-babble


    OC, so sorry to hear about the anguish you are experiencing, especially after getting a good nights sleep…I can just feel your frustration with this unexpected and “uninvited guest” that is running around in your head like a “Bull in a China shop”.


    Inmate Dracula said in one sentence what would take me 10 pages to describe to you in PM’s. I think he has efficiently distilled the essence of adventure travel to it’s most basic, purest undividable form.


    This (mental aspect) is your actual journey.


    The motorcycling, the fantastic sights, sounds, smells, tastes and people met on this physical adventure are just the icing or the back drop of this fantastic mental adventure. You did not tip toe into this (mental) adventure, you jumped in fully committed….very brave…and the shock of this class 5 rapids has produced some suffering you are not accustomed to dealing with.


    I’ve always thought poetry to be one of the silliest past times ever invented…how to word something in mysterious ways where the meaning is vague and uncertain. BUT, I did come across this “poem” by Rumi, during the last year and it does describe very accurately the human condition and it is very relatable to what’s happening with you right now. Think a lot about the last sentence.


    This being human is a guest house.


    Every morning a new arrival.


    A joy, a depression, a meanness,


    some momentary awareness comes


    as an unexpected visitor.


    Welcome and entertain them all!


    Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,


    who violently sweep your house


    empty of its furniture,


    still, treat each guest honorably.


    He may be clearing you out


    for some new delight.


    The dark thought, the shame, the malice.


    meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.


    Be grateful for whatever comes,


    because each has been sent


    as a guide from beyond.



    I’m probably the last person on earth you want to ask about the meaning of a message in a poem but here is what it means to me.


    This stuff in your head that’s going on is a (gift) message to you telling you that you need to work on this and it will make your life better. It won’t be easy or fun but it’s important and that’s why it’s taking up so much space and energy in your head.


    Maybe working on it would be better done in a Class 2 rapids…I don’t know. But this “thing” to be worked will follow you wherever you go. So the decision is, do I want to work on it in a full immersion, high intensity environment (the current trip) or do I want to work on it in little pieces, here and there back home.


    Maybe turning around is the right thing to do and maybe the full on high intensity immersion is the right way to do this but for shorter durations, 1 month (2 weeks out into Mexico and then 2 weeks back to home) Then another 1 month expedition and try to stretch it a little longer. You can figure out the formula that works best for you.


    The great thing is, it sounds like you have the means, the time, and the desire to figure this all out even if it is a bit scary and uncomfortable. And if some meds are needed to help lubricate the process…get them.


    I think everyone here is pulling for you to successfully navigate the “mental journey” in whatever form that takes. Yes we are all a bit greedy and would love to continue to get your fantastic photos and great story telling for the next 4 months but ultimately, what’s best for you is what we want.


    Wishing you the best in which ever way both of your journeys go. You will make the right decision for yourself at this moment in time. And, even if you turn around, as Dracula said - unless it is harming you, please continue to share your adventure with us on the journey north.
  2. Xlratr

    Xlratr Been here awhile

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Oddometer:
    532
    Location:
    Seevetal, Germany
    OC, first off I'd like to say thanks for this ride report. I guess not many people are brave enough to put their fears and worries on the table, but I'm sure a lot of people have them.

    I don't know if I can contribute with any good advice but it occurred to me that if you're struggling with a feeling of "no control" maybe you could put any experience you have from your business background to good use. Why don't you take a day off, sit down and do a risk management scenario? Write down the things that could go wrong, rate the potential impact and likelihood of occurrence and then write down the mitigation scenario. It might just give you back the feeling that you're in control (and you probably are!) and maybe you'll see there really aren't any things you haven't got covered.

    And don't forget, there aren't any commitments. You *can* do whatever you want to do.

    John


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Dracula, goodcat and hardroadking like this.
  3. goodcat

    goodcat Changing latitudes, altitudes and attitudes

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2015
    Oddometer:
    3,994
    Location:
    British Columbia
    Hardroadking. ...

    That was probably THE BEST piece of writing I have ever read on the challenges of life's journey.

    I'm going to copy and paste it.

    Purely magical and very true.

    And I can only hope all these helpful posts aid OC in the correct direction for himself.
    hardroadking likes this.
  4. powderzone

    powderzone Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2016
    Oddometer:
    236
    Location:
    Calgary
    Hi OC, thanks for sharing with us. I think many of us have experienced similar emotions while travelling. I went through similar experiences years ago; on two occasions, with two different lessons learned.

    The first, was while working in southern Patagonia for a large oilfield services company back in the mid-90's. The work was very remote, and involved full immersion in a different (but terrific) culture, language, and way of doing things. It was very rewarding, and something I had always wanted to experience... but it is also very challenging. I traveled quite a bit through south america and really wanted to explore southern Patagonia and TDF. I remember after working in the field for 3 months straight, checking into a hotel in Rio Gallegos and watching a movie in English and just about lost it. I was overcome with emotion and became very homesick. A few weeks later I transferred back to Canada, only to regret the decision a couple of months later. Like you, I had built up this idea and objective that I had wanted to accomplish, then when the reality was different from my preconceived notions, well...it was hard to get my head wrapped around that while wrestling with all the other demons / uncertainty we need to cope with when traveling. Lesson learned: next time I'm 500km from my objective after traveling 17,000km...I'm going to push through the doubts and demons.

    The 2nd experience, was when I took a winter off to ski in my late 20's - something I had always dreamed of doing. It should have been the best time of my life - I had built up this perfect mental image of roosting lines in pristine powder, day after day. The skiing turned out to be pretty amazing but what I hadn't contemplated was how much I would miss the daily challenges that type-A's thrive on. In summary, I felt adrift without a purpose. That really bothered me. Lesson learned: aimless wandering isn't my thing. I still enjoy travelling and have some pretty great moto travel plans coming up but knowing myself, I will break these trips up into segments, store my moto at various points along the way and do my bigger trips in 3 to 6 week segments. I usually hit the wall after 3 weeks anyhow so that is a natural break point, but I can often push through it and make it 6 weeks without going ballistic over the little things.

    I'm not a shrink and don't know why some people seem to thrive in uncertainty while others don't. From my experiences it isn't the fear of adventure either. Like many on this forum, I gravitate towards adventure. I think what has bothered me about some of my travels is the lack of objective, uncertain timelines, or uncertainty about what I'll be doing when I return home. So, you likely won't have multi-year ride reports authored by me (I'll leave that to Lalo, Radioman, RTWPaul, Gene/Neda, Dano/Saralou and other world travelers).
    But I will enjoy similar travels, interspersed by normal life back home, and hopefully a RR here and there.

    If and when I do, I hope to share the ups and downs of my travels, as you have OC.
    Keep it shiny side up!
    Dracula, goodcat and hardroadking like this.
  5. JCastro

    JCastro F.N.G.

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2015
    Oddometer:
    15
    Location:
    Riverside Ca
    Balls. You got em, dude. First for attempting such a ride (regardless of the outcome), but mostly for being so bloody honest and sincere. Thank you.

    I wish you safe travels and a memorable journey, no matter which direction your bike is headed.

    -Jose
    Dracula likes this.
  6. tncpowell

    tncpowell Long timer

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Oddometer:
    1,009
    Location:
    Christmas Island Western Australia
    Hope you had a great ride today buddy! Check in and let us know how you are!
    powderzone likes this.
  7. OtterChaos

    OtterChaos Guzzi Sud!

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Oddometer:
    1,484
    Location:
    Grover Beach, Ca
    In Mazatlan for the night, I need time to process all your posts so please forgive me at least for tonight. I am not where I want to be but where I need to be right now.
  8. Rubinski

    Rubinski Adventurer

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2016
    Oddometer:
    72
    Location:
    Phoenix AZ
    You made it that far my friend, do what your heart tells you! You have great stories to tell. Stay safe. I will keep tracking you and be wise on your decision!
    OtterChaos likes this.
  9. OtterChaos

    OtterChaos Guzzi Sud!

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Oddometer:
    1,484
    Location:
    Grover Beach, Ca
    John I hope you don't mind me quoting your post to explain some things in better detail. As I told the Powell's this morning or yesterday tequila can do that to you, nothing went wrong. All the planning was correct, the bike was just fine, the weld I got done was holding fine, I had repacked my loadout so the bike was handling better, my grasp of Spanish was enough to get some tasks done with the help of great people. The only thing not going to plan was myself, very hard to explain but be assured I had reviewed my performance and was actually very happy with how far I had come at times. The breaking point was that the anxiety came on without a cause but the effect was enormous. That is where analysis can not be the answer at times, if there is no cause how can you mitigate the effects?

    I wish it was something else turning me back, if the bike wasn't right then I could try a different setup or bike altogether. If the language was the problem I could study more and take an immersion session. If it was fear of safety then I could plan a better route. But how do I plan for the ethereal?

    For anyone reading this please don't be afraid to try a trip like this, I'd hate to turn someone away with my story.
    goodcat, Dracula, Vampir and 5 others like this.
  10. FiveGs

    FiveGs Adventurer

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2015
    Oddometer:
    25
    Location:
    Georgia
    OC. I have been following along as I am a couple of weeks away from heading south. I have an open ended trip planned....I can be gone for anywhere from a month to a couple of years. Family and friends keep asking how long I will be gone and my answer is I don't know....I am trying to give myself permission to stop or turn back at any point for any reason without having to explain it to anyone. I really appreciate your courage to share what are experiencing. It takes balls to start on a trip like this and even more to stop if this aren't working out....Thank you and have a safe re-entry☺
  11. yokesman

    yokesman Long timer

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2008
    Oddometer:
    1,139
    Location:
    Meridian, Idaho
    What you are going thru kept me from doing a ride report that n computer virus that is in my head. this didnt keep me from the ride, harder coming home wondering what that was all about, only 3 months later realizing that I need to do it again this time without a return ticket. Being able to get on the bike on a one way ride day to day rather than the picking n choosing of some destination within a prescribed time limit , to be back in said hours. I commend you on the report, keep riding and I will keep reading. you will get your bike legs soon.
    WhicheverAnyWayCan likes this.
  12. Dracula

    Dracula Facing Twin

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2011
    Oddometer:
    12,732
    Location:
    4th dimension
    If it's any consolation, anxiety attacks in my case are not related to trips only. After very very long struggles, and many miles, I eventually realized I can't outrun myself, yet that was exactly what my subconscious was trying to do. Now I know it's not at all a matter where physically I go, although that may help, it's where emotionally and psychologically I sit or I steer my travel choice to bring me to. I could now be home and do an afternoon ride, but I am all too often still lusting for that far horizon, perhaps that unknown city square with people I never saw nor will I ever see again. Or, being farther than few days away, I could miss my home comfort and the nice place in the garage for my bike. The trick for me is making a conscious decision to control a subconscious realm but it goes both ways and it's never full on or off to either side. I truly wish you find inner peace, wherever that may need to be sought.
    hardroadking and Cmnthead like this.
  13. goodcat

    goodcat Changing latitudes, altitudes and attitudes

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2015
    Oddometer:
    3,994
    Location:
    British Columbia
    Be safe and well.

    And please keep your RR alive as you travel.

    Maybe just maybe you'll get the pang of the need to keep travelling to places unknown soon. Maybe maybe not.
    But following my heart has done me right.
  14. stitch007

    stitch007 n00b

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2016
    Oddometer:
    1
    Hi OC. Stepped into your travel diary by coincidence.
    It was very interesting to follow up for me as I'm currently starting to prepare a single 6-month tour to South America next year. Maybe someone might join but I'm not planning for it. If so, fine. If not fine too.
    Your report was especially interesting for me as I have experienced some aspects myself on single journeys and it gives me an outlook on what I might experience and that I wouldn't be the only one. I greatly appreciate your honesty and openness towards the not so positively exciting aspects of such a challenge you took and I'm about to take. And believe me: You rather encourage people to leave the sofa and head out into the unknown despite giving them arguments to stay on there. If they decide for the couch then they never really had the plan to leave anyways.
    Rather do you help preparing potential adventurers to be better prepared if the mind strikes on the way.

    Thank you for that honesty and all the best, no matter where you are heading to.

    Cheers,
    Thomas
  15. hardroadking

    hardroadking Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Oddometer:
    383
    Location:
    Columbus, OH
    I think OC decided he needed a break from the ride report for a little while. I'm pretty sure he is doing fine. I checked his Delorme map and he has been traveling north the last few days. He has gone past both port cities where he could have caught a ferry to retrace his route back home. So it's good to see he is feeling good enough to push himself to do some more exploring on unfamiliar roads.
    Vampir and Dracula like this.
  16. Dracula

    Dracula Facing Twin

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2011
    Oddometer:
    12,732
    Location:
    4th dimension
    Doing a ride report of this type takes balls and also effort of time spent, commitment to readers becomes to oneself. Not many, even the best I have read and followed ever had same day updates, and understandably so. It's also kind of too intense since you are still trying to distill your thoughts, while tired from the road, have things to sort out for the day, and if on top of it dealing with stress - you get the picture. At the antipode are travelers who rarely if ever even tell the story of their trip, I never quite understood them, but I am sure they are right in their own mind about that. The rationale may be similar with the principle that when measuring something, it causes it to be perturbed, thus altering the very thing that is being observed. I hope he reads and has a chance to reflect, as am almost certain it is so.
    Trip Hammer likes this.
  17. OtterChaos

    OtterChaos Guzzi Sud!

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Oddometer:
    1,484
    Location:
    Grover Beach, Ca
    Hi guys! Sorry for the silence but I'm sure you understand. Unfortunately I did not do much but ride the toll roads north to get home. Any side trips caused me to start overthinking again so I made the decision to head straight home and regroup.

    I am at home now after 5 long days of nothing but ride, get gas, ride, get hotel etc... The trip home did drive home the fact that I went a long ways before the end! Gosh the trip home was so long but gave me time to think inside my helmet and except for a couple of moments of uncertainty I never felt turning around to continue my ride would be the best choice. Now that I'm home I know it was right for me, the stress/anxiety is gone and I can sleep and think clearly now. I got home yesterday and took some time today to get back on balance but I really wanted to let followers know that at least I made it back. It was with a large twinge that I wrote Ludwig on the Stahlratte that I wouldn't be there and I'm sure I'll lose sleep on the date I was due to sail but such is life and I must continue on.

    I wish I could thank each and everyone of you in person for the support during this trip, you can't know what it meant to me. Ride on everybody and chase those dreams no matter where they lead!!
  18. hardroadking

    hardroadking Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2007
    Oddometer:
    383
    Location:
    Columbus, OH
    Great News OC !!

    Glad to know your heart and your head have reached an equilibrium again.

    Thanks for sharing all the great pictures, story telling and the adversity that we are all vulnerable to. Lot's of great road wisdom here for the dreamers, like me, who are also planning a motorcycle trip outside of our borders....and our comfort zones...soon.
    tncpowell, yokesman and OtterChaos like this.
  19. WhicheverAnyWayCan

    WhicheverAnyWayCan Deaf Biker

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2011
    Oddometer:
    1,651
    Location:
    Seven Springs NC
    I'm happy to know you made it back to home sounds and safe. So sorry we didn't have the opportunity to meet in Durango.
    OtterChaos likes this.
  20. Vampir

    Vampir Aimless Wanderer

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Oddometer:
    388
    Location:
    Currently in Guatemala
    Excellent news OC that everything worked out for you. I'm very happy to hear it. I've been rooting for you the whole way.
    yokesman and OtterChaos like this.