Gassers "Big Island Ride From Hell"

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Day Trippin'' started by Gasser, Dec 13, 2010.

  1. Gasser

    Gasser Control crash rider

    Jun 7, 2007
    Holy knobbies from Dunlop Heaven, Steve Lau's Level 4 Hilo Big Island Power Sports Dual-Sport no whiners ride was epic!

    When us 15 riders got to Kualani rain forest, Wayne, Dennis, Oahu John, Raife, and I waited as Darryl Vierra took the Honolulu bruddah's on some of his mountain bike loop's, these ain't foo foo pansy girliemon trail's, this is some serious shit when it's wet!

    We older bugga's hung back not wanting to crash on slippery roots in tight turns trying to keep up with the brake sliding "pro riders", instead we talked bench race story as we slapped mosquito's off each others foreheads, mine being the biggest bald blood sucking landing zone, Dennis was a close second, Wayne had his naturally covered in silver grey, da lucky bruddah!
    Somewhere out in the rain forest Joe Edsmen busted off his front brake caliper and rode all day with no front brake without crashing, try that my friends!

    Flume Rd was laced with more than you can count of long deep ponds with rock's and Guava limbs just waiting to take you out, I was following Ben's lines as we were splashing big wall's of water through these motorcycle Olympic pool's, I was thinking about the depth of the river crossing that lay ahead, because it rained like a cow pissing on a flat rock all Saturday night---sure enough the river was flowing fast and air box deep, I wanted to take pictures of the crossing but Dennis and I were riding sweep and had to wait for Jerry Miller to wrench his rattled off Baja headlight kit back on as Joe Edsmen was wiring his broken dangling front brake caliper to the fork tube---before Dennis and I could hit our starter buttons those dude were off an gone roosting up rocks heading towards the river crossing, (got to love that race talent) anyhow not wanting to crash I stayed off the gas cuz Kulani area has put me on the injured list too many times, hence I've renamed it Cruel-lani, it has no mercy for my skinny haoli okoli.

    When Dennis, Ben and I arrived at the water crossing Ben dropped in a deep over the wheel spot and gassed it hard lurching him to the other side quickly and up the muddy rocky river bank, it was a good line so I did the same thing with no problemO (mahalo Ben) then Dennis dropped in a foot off the good line de-tenting between some rock's in the middle spinning a column of water high like a fire hose on a 3 alarm fire as he rocked back and forth trying to find traction, the tire finely hooked up almost ripping the bar's from his hands, being a well seasoned Rock Island Rider, Dennis always has it under control.

    Turning left going up another power line 4wd trail that was solid undulating Pahoehoe lava with standing water at every dip with over hanging Uluhe ferns obstructing vision at every twist in the trail, we stayed on the gas cuz we had too in order to "go faster than the crash".
    The next section was a 60 ft wide freshly dozed road with Hunter's 4wd multiple crisscross mud rut's along a power line for a few miles to where we stopped so Joe could completely remove his uncooperative dangling brake caliper.

    Popping out on Saddle Road around mile marker 9 we rode up to marker 23 turning left toward Mauna Loa, 20 years have passed since I've been up there and forgot just how bad ass this section can be as it lulls you into it's beautiful semi dirt road forest sections, then kind of smooth rocky 4wd roads in treeless lava flow sections that progressively get worse as we climb up toward the 8000 ft elevation relay station about 20 miles ahead---Josh Lau's Honda sub frame bolt snapped off under the seat at a sign post saying Saddle Road 3 1/2 miles back.

    Being Dual-Sport riders with on the spot inventive mental attitude's and more tool's than Dickey Wilson's Snap-On truck can carry, Joe Edsmen performed major bolt surgery as five different hands held back parts taking tension off subframe by pulling it wider for room to get to the Honda's threaded gut's as Joe finessed the broken bolt out with a hammer and drift punch, that's right folk's someone actually packed a chrome steel hammer whodathunkit? and whodathunk a drift punch also!---I'll bet we could have done a 4 stroke top end job right there on the spot if needed, coz Dennis Vierra be da 10 lb fanny pack tool guy and we could use Darryl Vierra's stinking crusty funky worn paper thin helmet liner for a head gasket---hey Brah, no laugh Brah! if you break down on the lava flow there's noooooway you can ever get your bike out, this is why Dual-Sport riders make sure they got there shit together covering all base's, if shit happens they got the anykine toilet paper fix.

    Question? did anyone bring toilet paper? not me, glad I didn't have to crap in the bushes, but I damn sure will put it in my back pack now!

    Once under way again we come to the 40 foot tall a'a' lava rock wall with "rock's that roll" lava hill climb with a dog leg turn mid way to get up on top of the 1985 Lava flow, the Honolulu boyz made that like a it was a Wal*Mart parking lot ride, though John an Oahu trials rider didn't get a run at it and dug a hole in the rock's down to the swing arm in low gear, he, Raife and Dennis huffed and puffed pushing the bike up this nasty loooooose a'a' spinning rocks out like a roto-tiller on steroid's as I took pictures, next it was my turn to gulp air and gas it hard, I made it up around the dog leg de-tenting on basket ball size chunker rocks probably spun up from Joe's tire (hey you got to blame somebody he can't be that innocent) I fell over on my right at a dead stop near the top because that top heavy pig ass 450 Honda sucked me down into a pointed solid lava rock smashing the end of my little finger like a rotten grape stomped on by an 800 pound Gorilla on the throttle grip splitting it wide open, didn't even want to look at it the time, when I got home I pounded a few beer's then took off my glove to see the big ouch!---cool it wasn't broken but it was ugly.

    Trying to grunting that top heavy pig ass Honda up, the rear tire was wedge between two big rocks stopping me from standing it completely up right, making me hold it side ways as I pushed the magic button lighting the big heavy snorting pig to life, thanks to a Recluse Automatic Clutch I was able to do this in gear---spinning and chunking the knob's off my once bitchen 606 Dunlop tire, making the bike jump up and down violently and rocking back and forth like a kid's hobby horse it finely unwedged it's self---in pure hyperventilating exhaustion I swung a leg over the seat gassing the snot out it all in one motion launching the Honda Earth anchor with wheels, up on to the flow---shootzz I was a wasted puppy from that monkey motion, and had miles of this brutal ride waiting for me with a lot of rock's with my name on'em---eventually I come across Raife and Wayne Blyth, they were stopped and Wayne had his boot off, I thought holy hog shit he's hurt, but it turned out he had poor circulation from a blood clot in his leg causing it to go numb, he and Raife waved me on, as Dennis pulled up behind, I continued to ricochet off every rock from Hell till I went down again a few more times peeling up plastic curlicues on the radiator shrouds and front fender, I had stopped 5+? times hyperventilating deep breaths with my head slumped over the bar's because of the now 7000ft altitude thin air, nature was kicking my ass and I was loving it (ya right dude) lets do it again---no wait---I said that---shit! I must be bench racing again without power beer.

    Finely I could see some power pole's falsely thinking the 4wd road is just over that next 10 foot loose rock climb only to find out I had another 10 ft climb and another pole sighting, and another, and another, this went on for 20 (lost count) power poles and lot's of them were missing from the1985 lava flow, it seemed endless, but I stayed on the gas working hard to keep my weight forward and feet on the foot peg's to keep the center of gravity low, focusing 50 ft or more ahead, this smoothed out the ride, because if I only looked 3 ft in front of the tire I would hit what ever big rock I looked at to dodge, causing my feet to come off the peg's jamming my boots into the rocks on the side of the 2 foot wide sunken trail, looking way ahead is kind of like your brain telling your ass what body English to use way before the tires get to the nasty square edge and rock & roll stuff so I won't eat nasty tasting rock's.

    Then through the rainy fog, way off in the distance, I spotted Darryl and the Honolulu boyz sitting on a power transformer rise, I knew they were laughing their okolie's watching me, Raife, Wayne, and Dennis whipped to the max in survival mode ricocheting off the rock's from Hell to get our beat up bod's off that a'a' lava flow.

    When I got to the end of the a'a' lava flow there sat Phil Oveland calm and collected like always on a monster heavy Kawasaki KLR 650 with a gun rack on the bar's, ya a freaking gun rack! and lot's of spider web's covering the instrument panel, he and Dennis Lawrence on a big heavy Honda XR 600, they came in from the Relay Station side which is no gilriemon ride, it's laced with thousands of square curb high sharp ledges and rollie-pollie chunker rocks everywhere, there's no dodging this stuff you got to hit it with speed and finesse (finesse> ass off seat toes on pegs to suck up the rock hit's) so as not to get a flat or square the rim's or go down in the unforgiving rough 4wd road, we had to ride this nasty crap up hill to the 8000 ft elevation, your bike acts like a dog continually bouncing up and down like it's running in tall grass and the rear end of the bike is swapping back and forth violently, spinning off the loose rock's like a dog waging it's tail for a big juicy bone, all this is going on about 35 mph, it's hairy but wait forget the fun's f---ing butt hole cinching wicked---ya that's it, the bunghole is shut tight, not a hemorrhoid in sight.
    Honolulu bruddah Kong, hard on the gas got a flat from a square edge rock hit and he fix it (thanks to Dennis Vierra's tube carrying capacity's) when we got down to Saddle Road @ mile 28 about 3:pm where we had extra gas stashed in the lava rock's.
    Next leg of the ride was Mana Road to Waimea for a food pit stop.
    Mana Road was wet cold and up in the clouds foggy, I got about 4 miles in and my shifter leg started to cramp as the numbness wore off the split open finger greeting me with that nice throbbing sensation, you know the one that makes you repeat expletives, well anyway I called it a day dropping out because I knew that the slippery muddy hill climb section at about mile 22 would be more than the old 68 year old accent geezer body could handle, leg cramps and slippery mud is a bad combination and I didn't want to delay the ride because it was getting late, bottom line, I was a pussy.

    From what I heard most everyone went down once or twice, some three times in the slippery stuff, Dennis plowed into Wayne because he could not stop on a slippery down hill section, Wayne was stopped waiting for a rider he almost plowed into that was taking unintended wet soil samples, it was late when all the riders got to Waimea so they did not ride the strength demanding tough Mud Lane trail's, taking old upper Hamakua Hwy back to Hilo getting home around 8:pm
    My Big Island Dual-Sport Riders "He Be Da Man" trophy award's

    Joe Edsmen rode the whole day with no front brake! he be da Superman.

    Jerry Miller didn't even flinch at any of that radical ride, he be da cool man.

    Wayne Rhoden loved every nano second of the ride, he be da grateful man.

    Kong loves square rock hit's at high speed, he be da flat tire man.

    John a Oahu Trial's rider, first time Big Island Dual-Sport ride, he be da still alive man.

    Anthony Ortiz Rode an XR 600, he be da 800 pound gorilla bench pressing man.

    Raife Lucas was smooth as Guinness Beer, he be da man's man.

    Darryl Vierra knows all the Big Island trail's, he be da tour driver/rider man.

    Ben Kimura, quiet, reserved, super nice guy, quick on the gas, he be da speeding Buddha man.

    Phil Oveland just flat out rocks as the nicest guy you would ever want to meet, he be da diplomatic man.

    Dennis Lawrence is a big guy with a big bike, he be da pumped Malasada man.

    Steve Lau put this ride on, he be da sadistic punisher man.

    Justin Lau pop's 10 mm subframe bolts off from big air time's, he be da iron man.

    Josh Lau just flat out hauls ass any time anywhere, he be da passing man.

    Jarred Yoshida never crashes, he be da faster than the crash man.

    Wayne Blyth @ 57 just getting over cancer rode the whole freaking demanding ride with multi cigarette breaks, he be da smoking man.

    Dennis Vierra @ 55 didn't bobble once, he be da wise rider man.

    Gasser @ 68 huffed, puffed, wheezed, coughed and sputtered, he be da old still alive man.

    These were a great bunch of guy's to ride with and I'm happy they put up with my old man geezer off the wall humor.

    Mahalo! Dudes it was a pleasure to ride with you "Honolulu Boyz" you guy's are good! come back again.

    Note the rider giving the Hawaiian shucka is pro rider Phil Oveland.


  2. cyclewizard

    cyclewizard Long timer

    May 28, 2007
    I tried the link it didn't work.
  3. Gasser

    Gasser Control crash rider

    Jun 7, 2007
    Oop's sorry about that, I nuked that story and replaced with one of our Dual-Sport rides.
  4. GB

    GB . Administrator

    Aug 16, 2002
    That looks like quite a gnarly ride!