Goonie And Rider Hangin' Wif Da Holmes Boyz

Discussion in 'Southeast, The Lair of the Dragon - The Blue Ridge' started by Rider, Apr 24, 2005.

  1. Rider

    Rider In Your Heart, You Know I'm Right

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    A couple of years ago, me and fellow Riderlander Goonie decided to ride the roads of Holmes County, which is Ohio's version of Lancaster, PA; home to Mennonites and the Amish. The roads are peppered with horse droppings, you see almost as many buggies as cars and it's like a trip into a differerent and simpler time.
    As Goonie and I are both very differerent and very simple, it fits us pretty well.
    So we decided to return two years later to see if life had changed much in Holmes County ...


    First things first, of course. We're growing boys and need our fuel for a long, exhausting day of riding. So we stopped for breakfast in Mt. Vernon, named (one assumes) for George Washington's home in Virginia. It's not quite the same but they've got a decent breakfast place there where the waitresses think we're hot. Hey, you can't buy that, man.

    Goonie's got hisself a "new" 1995 R100GS-PD airhead with fewer miles on it than my '02. It's sweeeeeeeeeeet.

    [​IMG]



    Of course, since this is Riderland, many towns have been named for me. The list is endless; Dantown, Dancity, Danapolis, Kingston ... here is but one of them ...

    [​IMG]

    I signed autographs for the adoring townspeople for an hour or so then we moved on.


    These are simple farming folks, who power their Commodore 64's with power generated by wind power.

    [​IMG]


    Something told us we'd been been here before. Sooooooo 205 ...

    [​IMG]


    To more fit in with the native folk, we decided to forego ATGATT and dumped our helmets in favor of this headgear ...

    [​IMG]

    Goonie was displeased, however, with the straw. "It itches!" he cried, so he settled on more comfortable protection for his noggin.

    [​IMG]


    Off we went at breakneck speeds sometimes topping double figures! :yikes
    We weren't alone on the roads, however. Some hotties were pumping hard to impress us.

    Fast, they were. It took all of our highly limited powers of concentration to keep up with them.

    [​IMG]


    Only the latest in sleek, modern, pimped rides for Da Holmes County Boyz. Why, one could close his eyes and just imagine some Fiddy Cent pouring from this vehicle on a hot, sultry summer night, some Colt .45 being passed around, chasin' some bitches 'n' ho's.
    "Lemme take you to da candy shop
    You can lick my lollipop ..."


    [​IMG]


    Just in case we did run into trouble, it was good to know there was a tow-truck available at our beck and call. Hey, they may lead simple lives out in the country, but doesn't mean they don't have every modern convenience ...

    [​IMG]

    They've got some bitchin' rides. :super
    I liked this one ... note the low profile tires, enduro wheels and smokin' orange LED triangle light.


    [​IMG]

    Goonie and I pulled over and switched off our BMWs.
    "You know, Dan," he said. "I'm not sure I'm diggin' this motorcycle scene anymore."
    "Whatchu sayin', bitch?" I said.
    "Well, I'm thinkin' we give up our pretentions, sell our BMWs. Who we tryin' to impress anyway? We buy us some buggies, dig? Start hangin' wif Da Holmes Boyz."
    "Sheeit," says I. "Dood, I'm, like, so there!"

    Goonie found this sweet rig for sale. So we pawned our rides for $300 and gave the guy the cash.


    [​IMG]


    We were climbing into the cab, all jazzed up, groovin' to the dash-mounted iPod playin' some more Fiddy when this dude comes up.
    "Hey, you guys gotta have a horse to pull that, you know."
    Feh. :bluduh
    "How much be a horse?" Goonie axed.
    "Well, we had one this morning, a nice gelding, good and strong. But I just got an email and some guy named Mulekick just bought him."

    So we had to give up our dream. Holding back tears, we climbed out of the the buggy, got our money back and climbed back on our bikes.
    Somehow, the thrill was gone now. After a long day with Da Holmes Boyz, a motorcycle just didn't seem as cool anymore ... :cry


    [​IMG]

    The End
    #1
  2. Steverino

    Steverino Arrogant Horse's Ass #1

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    It's a big country Dan, go somewhere else for a change.

    Carry on...
    #2
  3. Rider

    Rider In Your Heart, You Know I'm Right

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    Dear Steve,

    :dizave
    #3
  4. JohnTM

    JohnTM I suck toes

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    Nice helmet. :rolleyes
    #4
  5. Linzi

    Linzi Crazy Plott Lady

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    Nice, but not as good as the original...

    [​IMG]


    Great lookin' bike, Goonie! :thumb
    #5
  6. mutineer

    mutineer pierpont lives

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    and again the chaingolian ambassador/defense minister does not get a call and so the hostilities continue




    viva la revolucion


    - cool report -



    where is the pics with one of you guys and kim?
    #6
  7. Rider

    Rider In Your Heart, You Know I'm Right

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    Hey, it was cheap. Some hillbilly sold it to me for nothin'. :deal
    #7
  8. Rider

    Rider In Your Heart, You Know I'm Right

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    Kim Basinger?
    We left her back at home in the kitchen.


    [​IMG]
    #8
  9. dragoon

    dragoon I'm the REAL Dingo Joe

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    We were also doing our part to find Mulekick some work in case things didn't work out west.

    Hi Stevie :wave
    #9
  10. dragoon

    dragoon I'm the REAL Dingo Joe

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    ...to regional forums :dunno
    #10
  11. Rider

    Rider In Your Heart, You Know I'm Right

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    I did. It's probably not worthy of a formal Ride Report.
    Besides ... there's a lot more country out there, you know. :rolleyes
    #11
  12. dragoon

    dragoon I'm the REAL Dingo Joe

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    Next time I'll head down the interstate and take some pics :lol3
    #12
  13. pilot

    pilot Slacker Moderator Super Moderator

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    So THATS what I have to look forward to in July. :huh
    #13
  14. Rider

    Rider In Your Heart, You Know I'm Right

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    No.
    The part you'll be in isn't nearly as exciting. :uhoh


    :hide
    #14
  15. Devil Dog

    Devil Dog Q-Tip With Ears

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    Cool report. Nutin betta than hangin wit ya homies. :freaky
    #15
  16. ktrjc

    ktrjc Displaced Yooper

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    Nice ride report.

    Goonie nice hat, are you gonna wear that at the next Goonfest? :D
    #16
  17. Castle

    Castle Red Cloud Slept Here

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    You saying you want Holmes Boyz straw cruisers with Goonfest logos?

    Say the word.


    Tod.
    Undersecretary for Riderland Hat Procurement
    Dept. 7 1/2 XXL
    #17
  18. Rider

    Rider In Your Heart, You Know I'm Right

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    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... :evil :deal
    #18
  19. ktrjc

    ktrjc Displaced Yooper

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    Actually I was referring to the cute little bonnet type thing. But straw hats have a certain appeal in a country bumpkin kind of way. :evil
    #19
  20. Castle

    Castle Red Cloud Slept Here

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    Hummmm.

    There's always the "King Dan Signature Model", but with a bonnet, it's probably more appropriate to have the "Dragoon Designer Do-Rag" or the "Baby Hughie Hat."


    Tod.
    Akting Ubersekretarie des Cabeza Covers und Schnutzelfeststuffen
    #20