Grand Canyon Loop: Ulterior Motives

Discussion in 'Epic Rides' started by motoged, May 15, 2012.

  1. motoged

    motoged Been here awhile

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    Bob's bike was running before the beer and pizza arrived....the second wave of entertainment happened once we were under the cover of darkness and the influence of various intoxicants... :freaky :kumbaya:bmwrider
  2. bobzilla

    bobzilla Dirty Old Man

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  3. motoged

    motoged Been here awhile

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    Yeah, there are two more bike rebuilds before Bob can tell us what was up the 690's kister....so, back to the Travis Tiner show....Kevin, Bobby, Dan, Dave, Travis One....can you guys help out here ????:deal

    The motorcycle exhaust story???? The Toilet seat story??? The "What that guy will get if he keeps shining those lights" story???? I just got the punchlines, so would tell those tales poorly ...and the FF's out there in ADV Land are eager to be entertained with our outstanding wit and pics....:D
  4. roc104

    roc104 Been here awhile

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    According to some Baja Joe, Tiner is the guy you want to be riding with when things get rough. He has a great attitude and his face is unable to produce a frown. I saw this on the last day of KOTW 2011 when Tiner and I are going back and forth for the first 100 miles...we roll into a gas stop and I start filling up. Tiner looks at his clear tank and then looks at the support crew, you could tell what he was thinking..."You got this!!" is all the encouragement he needed. Tiner was gone. Go big or go home.

    About 100 miles later I catch up to Tiner pusing his bike up one of the countless rocky rolling hills at the end of the day. He is drenched in sweat and winded, bhut his helmet still can't contain the huge smile he had when I rolled up.

    "Tiner, what the hell are you doing man? We are 14 miles from the finish..."

    "Yeah, I was just thinking maybe it would be downhill."

    That is Tiner.

    What I did not expect is the comedic value that Tiner would bring to the campfire each night. There is no possible way to do these stories justice but I will try just the same. First thing I have to say is, allegedly, Desert Dave may have a hot mom. I know for a fact he has a hot sister, and apparently the apple did not fall far from the tree. Before you ask, I do not know why Dave missed out on the beauty the rest of his family shares. So the first glimmer of Tiner's world class ball busting came shortly after we made camp the first night and everyone started talking about Dave's mom. Like a good episode of Seinfeld, he brought every story back full circle to the beginning of the night by bringing up Dave's mom. I think one of these moments caused the other Travis to fall out of his balancing apparatus of a chair.

    The second night we had some jerks playing world rally championship in the camp ground at 10 pm. Then they kept turning their lights on every 5 minutes for the next hour...pointing directly at us. This led to Tiner declare, quite loudly, that "They are about to get a face full of my ass!". This caused the light show to stop, and we took our revenge by staying up way too late and loudly laughing every time Tiner brought up Dave's mom. Yeah, he was still on that.
  5. tucanslam

    tucanslam Adventurer

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    After traveling all that way through the dez and rock cliffs I almost get taken out by a camry doing 50mph in a campsite. :kat:kat
  6. DC Chad

    DC Chad Been here awhile

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    :rofl:lol3
  7. desert_dave

    desert_dave n00b

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    i would say that i learned a valuable lesson that day, no wait make it two. the first being, when you show up some where to find a campsite somtimes its best just to sit back relax and watch the show. As Dan had said, we sat there on the porch enjoying a cold beverage and the hot girl behind the counter and watched the rest of the group as if they were on a poker run looking for a campsite. Aboot (dammit jed now you got me saying it) 10 min later we casually walk over to our bikes and ride to the campsite. As soon as we got there we say everyone in various stages of unpacking. From just the helmet off to stripped down boots off and ass in a chair. They immediatly started yelling at us turn your bike off. in the distance we could hear some yelling. What was that you said, better campsite! trees, grass, tables!!! Without a moment of hesitation Dan and i were gone from that rocky no tree, no grass SOB. New campsight= Shang-la-ra... Dan i quickly picked our spots and waited while the rest of the calvery stumbled in half dressed with all kids of shit hanging half hazardly off the bikes. Lesson one, sometimes it pays to be patient.
    Lesson two; As this pains me to say i have been told enough times by countless diffrent people that,,,,,,,wait for it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Yes it is a fact my mom and sister are both hot...:ddog Sometimes you just dont want the accept the facts. I mean come on, its my mom and sister, there not hot to me. So if you find yourself in a similar situation take the hight road like i did. put on your big boy pants, have broad shoulders and then finally drown yourself in great beer....thanks for the royal roasting on the trip boys. the only thing missing was that fat B@#$%# Lisa Lampanelli and my red chair...
  8. bobzilla

    bobzilla Dirty Old Man

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    So Travis Tiner is telling us about a dual sport ride he went on with a friend of his. This friend is very experienced and a good dood and kind of like Ged and me…….A grey beard. He comes upon a guy that is having problems starting his bike and getting work out. When he asks if he can help the guys says” Nobody but Larry Rossler and Me touch this bike” . Now the old guy just sits there waiting to see if the kid changes his mind and needs help. About this time Tiner comes along and says “ Hey Man you look pretty hot and tired mind if I give it a try and maybe we can get you going”( of course Tiner has a huge grin on his face that will just piss off everybody for miles) the guy comes unglued yelling and telling them they don’t know shit and by the way “ you don’t need to wait here” So Tiner and his bud are off.
    <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:eek:ffice" /><o:p> </o:p>
    End of the day and they have dinner and cocktails and they guy makes some more comments that just prove what an asshole he is. When they leave the bar what do they see but the bike and as Tiner says the exhaust is just the right height to piss in so they both empty a 12er each down the pipe………
    <o:p> </o:p>
    Next morning they can hardly contain themselves as they watch the kicking process and spray coming out the pipe and when the guy has his face next to the pipe and gets piss in his face they can hardly contain the laughter and put their helmets on a leave.
    <o:p> </o:p>
    This is the second day together and we are just finding out WWTTD ( what would travis tiner do)
    <o:p> </o:p>
    Tiner A GREAT guy to have along………he proves his worth again later in the trip
  9. Uller

    Uller Long timer

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    I see this being a famous quote repeated many, many times in the future.

    This has to be the best RR ever!!!!!! :clap

    Keep up the good work boys, your audience is waiting.........
  10. goosecreek

    goosecreek fed up

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    +1 great story guys. I have never meet you guys but can see some of this shit in my head.:rofl
  11. SlowernOlder

    SlowernOlder Adventurer

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    Lost or exploring....
    You know that with a bag of flour and a wadded up pair of socks for her mouth you would be in heaven...:sick
  12. motoged

    motoged Been here awhile

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    Goosey,
    Boy.....do YOU need a brain enema.....:D Scarey thought: Other folks get it !!!! :lol3

    Reminds me of a time dirtbiking.....just had fork seals replaced...and while suiting up in the pits for a day of single track, my friends pointed out that my seals were leaking as there was fluid collecting on the front wheel rim.

    I looked down, sputtered out some expletives, and just was going to dip a finger in the fluid to confirm it was fork oil, when I remembered a Rotweiler pup had been scoping out gear bags and peeing on them.....the guys roared with laughter as I nearly took the bait.....

    Seems like a good piss joke gets us going...:D
  13. motoged

    motoged Been here awhile

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    DAY THREE:

    So, there we wuz....Bob and Kevin had a chance to focus on 690 problems and come up with a solution :clap...

    As I had indicated earlier, I met BobZ through the interthingie (ADV 690 thread) via his mechanical fix contributions (fuel pump issues, Safari tank instal, cannisterectomy, and ECU tuning....) little did I know that Kevin was also behind those tech scenes. So, to watch two competent guys trouble shoot was a learning experience for me. Travis Two (Tiner) offered up his wrenching ideas, but my eyes had glazed over by that time with tech-OD....

    Bob mentioned how Dave, with his own mechanical aptitude, had rounded off a bolt used to secure the Safari tank. Bob and I were left to ourselves for a bit and Bob set to undoing that nut (the bolt....not Dave....cuz he has a hot sister...AND a hot mom :evil). Bob decided that the vice grips and a spanner would be the trick, but he needed to make sure he would not round the nut even more if the vice grips slipped.....so....he set the bolt head in the vice grip with a few extra turns on the VG spring lever...and assured the purchase to be adequate by whacking the VG handle shut with a great whack with a hammer (that plastic job that it appears Dan brought along to pound tent pegs.....because guys from Nevada apparently haven't yet mastered the Canadian technique of applying pressure with one's foot to complete such a woodsman's task :huh).

    With 800 lbs of pressure now on that bolt head/nut, Bob easily turned it with nary a problem. I laughed out loud at the point where he smashed the VG into compliance, as I had never seen that trick before, and again, was impressed with how "thinking outside the box" is essential to most problem solving.

    Bob asked what I thought was so funny.....I hope he believed my truthful reply....because I was impressed with what appeared to be his calm approach to a mechanical SNAFU that would have me in neurotic paralysis of "I will never get this fixed....my ride is shot...".

    We saddled up our ponies and looked forward to another brilliant day of sunshine, motorcycle riding in exotic terrain, fun with a good group of motojunkies...

    We were headed towards Bryce Canyon Park....or somewhere like that...but first we had to do an ADV salute to all you FF's just to show you that we cared...

    [​IMG]

    The disarray of gear from the afternoon dismount the day before...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    was stuffed into Coyote bags, dry bags, and backpacks. Some semblance of order developed and we were ready to go.....coffee and power bars were on the menu...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Bob seemed to struggle managing to stuff all of himself into his pants...

    [​IMG]

    But he sure was happy to be rolling again :clap :y0!:thumb:wings:ricky:ricky:ricky

    [​IMG]


    We were headed for Bryce Canyon the hard way....

    We apparently skipped some GPS tracks as the property was posted "private". Kevin scouted and led us through alternate roads somehow so that we came back into civilization around Kodachrome Basin State Park, a place I had camped with my brother 15 years earlier on a 2-week southwest truck-camping trip...

    Bob apparently developed another 690 ailment sometime that day, but I wasn't aware of that until we were looking for a place to camp in Bryce....but more about that later.

    I don't recall how we got to Tropic, Utah, (through Kanab probably) but I was keen on that as I had earlier thought I would spend several days in that area getting my poop together just before meeting the gang in Mesquite (I gave that up for 4 days in Moab instead when I realized I would be near Tropic on this GC Loop).

    It was hot and we were hungry by mid-day and we found a great restaurant and a general/hardware store in Tropic.
    The plan was to head to Bryce and get a good campsite where Bob could dive into the 690's guts and brains again...

    It was determined to pick a pond-side campsite behind the tourisy motel area....and it wasn't as bad as that sounds. Several of us headed off within that campground to find what each of us was convinced the best spot.

    WWTTD??? "Over here", he said and produced what really was the best site. Bob set to his surgery immediately:

    A covered concrete pad with a few picnic tables....what else could a guy ask for?

    [​IMG]

    A willing assistant was nearby with his big honkin' plastic mallet (just the tool for some mechanics :eek1 :wink:)

    [​IMG]

    Travis One (Bob's son-in-law) is a flight engineer with military Lockheed C-130's (that's why they call him Herc, I just figured out.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_C-130_Hercules), so Bob trusts him with holding the gas can ...

    [​IMG]

    Bob, huffing the fumes for a quick hit, mumbles something about fuel pressures and stuff...:

    http://bobzilla.smugmug.com/Motorcycles/giantloopgrandcanyon2012/22765589_355C9X#!i=1853321689&k=gmj94nn&lb=1&s=A

    With the Safari tank off, Bob could probe the rear stock tank to do a fuel pump assessment/change...

    [​IMG]


    This job is kind of like that of being a proctologist....most folks really don't want to do it, but it's gotta be done :eek1.

    Other folks do it because....well, because they kinda have this thing about that behaviour....:lol3

    Bob had that tank bent over and with not even a snap of the rubber glove, Bob was up to his wrist in it...:huh:evil

    but was kind enough to spread that sphincter with only a few (cold) fingers at first...

    [​IMG]

    He had a spare fuel pump (CA Cycle works has them for a third of the price of the KTM pump....fits 'Bergs, Duc's and other Euro-peasant bikes)...and could hardly wait to insert it....the pump that is.

    Now, I have been into the 690's tank before and consider such a task to be equivalent of brain surgery....so, again I was attentive...

    The stock fuel pump housing upon removal:

    [​IMG]

    It is attached to the Safari adapter plate....and Bob had wired the external housing to the pump so that the pump would not loosen itself from the small tabs that usually do that job. (Bob likes to "Ride the Dez" like a baboon on meth that has several Thai chiles inserted rectally....and that tends to shake up the pump and its innards).

    The new pump is installed and Kevin insists on playing proctologist for the insertion....as he is convinced his technique is more gentle and less likely to create future hardships between Bob and his bike...

    [​IMG]
  14. Pundy

    Pundy Been here awhile

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  15. Bike Nomad

    Bike Nomad Been here awhile

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    Central Newfoundland, Canada
    Thank you Ged and your other contributors for this entertaining thread. I am greatly enjoying it except for two things. Firstly, once again I am exposed to a picture of a mangled Ged ankle. :puke1 I thought that was finally behind me by now. I&#8217;m seeing it so often I might as well give in and make that my desktop background. Secondly, I was somewhat disappointed by seeing a decent quality head and shoulders shot of bobzilla. :huh He is one of my favorite posters on the 690 thread. Somehow between his posts and his avatar pic I had concocted a vision that somewhere out in the Great Basin there was a hard charging, riding hell for leather dude :dogthat looked like the imminently homicidal spawn of Charles Manson and Hellboy :dood, pausing from his riding :rickyonly long enough to occasionally scan through the posts in the 690 thread and dispense succinct pearls of mechanical wisdom, like the oracle of handiness. :popeNow I find out that he is a pleasant looking fellow, is probably someone&#8217;s favorite uncle, and can actually take the time to write multi-paragraph posts. Ged, I guess you just bring out the best in people. :rofl

    I'm looking forward to the rest of the tale.
  16. Gros Buck

    Gros Buck Beef = Packed Vegetables

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    Well ... in this thread, there have been references to sphincters, anus, and a dick or two, but when I look at both of your profiles, it sounds like mission impossible to me ...:rofl

    Paul Jr 8
  17. bobzilla

    bobzilla Dirty Old Man

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    Lost & Found again in the Great Basin
    :lol3:rofl but mine is big enough for me to still see it without a mirror:evil
  18. motoged

    motoged Been here awhile

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    Kamloops, BC

    BN,
    Geez.....what have i done to dispel your first impressions of BobZ????


    Bob, I am so sorry for outing you as a sensitive man who truly cares for those close to him and who continues to open his heart to the human condition and the rest of us trapped in it.....but I am dedicated in this lifetime to de-mystifying myths....

    BobZ's avatar certainly leads many of us to BN's impression of BobZ....I think he chose that pic as an avatar after one of his week-long rides far from baths, Walmart-kulture, and other accoutrements of "civilization".
    He and I long for those safe places where other people are not able to trample our version of how life should be...


    Every evening around the campfire, despite how many 690 rebuilds he did that day, Bob would say, "This is better than any hotel !"

    We all had to agree...even though some guys were crushing their balls in their silly tripod camp chairs designed by the Marquis de Sade, others were pretending to find comfort in their miniature toy furniture, and I, lounging in the dirt or sand when not teetering on a boulder kindly placed before me by one of the youngsters....

    "Ride the dez" is what Bob would say....with the unspoken suggestion that one should also sleep in it, breath it in, and take remnants of it home with you (I am still dumping sand out of my tent and other gear.....the varying colours of each remnant reminding me of it all).
  19. motoged

    motoged Been here awhile

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    I keep my most valuable and precious tools under the protection of at least a roof of some sort...:D
  20. Gros Buck

    Gros Buck Beef = Packed Vegetables

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    Talking about your appendice or your sphincter ??? :huh A large sphincter is always handy to store a 690 spare fuel pump. And why not a spare injector. If you're talking about your appendice - and you realy can still see it - it brings the meaning of the word "telescopic" to a whole new level ... It makes senses however, and it would explain why you experience so much difficulties to fit the whole of yourself into your pants ... :lol3

    Paul Jr 8