Insert clever airhead based title here ....

Discussion in 'Airheads' started by planktonnn, Aug 25, 2009.

?

I have been to the county of Fuckshire, it was ...

  1. Nice?

    33 vote(s)
    13.6%
  2. Nasty?

    36 vote(s)
    14.9%
  3. Nasty but nice?

    174 vote(s)
    71.9%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    I thought they'd blocked off Helens Passage years ago, but it seems as though someone must have removed the barriers while no-one was looking? Scandalous!?!
    You missed out madmen... I feel socially excluded now.

    Somethings going awfully wrong with my end of this browser interface, now I've got an attachments button but other sections of the page are going sucky!?!

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  2. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    Danlyboydustly?, calling Danlyboydustly, can you hear me? Astral may be interested in some Reliant parts from your near neighbour & I don't currently have your email or phone. If you've still got my eddress drop me a line & contact between them can be arranged while we perhaps point & giggle at their strange 3 wheeled 'cars'... My phone numbers have all changed so message me if you can? Ta.
  3. pjcr12

    pjcr12 Stercus accidit

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    And so...
  4. pjcr12

    pjcr12 Stercus accidit

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    And so on...
  5. pjcr12

    pjcr12 Stercus accidit

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  6. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    It's coming to that time of year when I must tidy up my two wheeled lover & present for inspection by operatives of her majesties vehicular standards observational authorities, or as we term it over here - it's nearly MOT time.

    So, all those niggling little problems like having no horn, or having no main beam light & having to run on high beam with a lowered hd/light shell, or other such piffling stuff has to get sorted out. The horn was easy enough, I opened up the headlight shell, popped out the top fuse & cleaned the ends, popped it back in and bingo - one horn. I don't know if it's just my bike, but I find the ends of the fuses fur up and cease to make proper contact, thus rendering the horn inoperative. Or it might just be that in getting at the fuse I jiggle the horn wire on the board in the headlight and it just co-incides that I've cleaned the fuse. Either way it's fixed now though, so I've been beeping at other motorists at every possible opportunity just because I can.

    The 2nd issue is slightly more thorny though, as I've two starting points as to what it might be caused by (yes the bulb has been looked at/swapped with another and isn't blown so just two) - looking at the under tank starter relay I noticed that the thinner of the two red wires (1 thick, 1 thin) attached to the centre slot of the relay mounting block had become independent i.e. it had broken from it's connector and was trying to make a run for it. This took a while to sort, not because it's a big issue, but because firstly the right sized allen key to detach the mounting block to give access wasn't in my police-tank-top-box-everything-I-need-thing, and then because the connector was a bit knackered and needed to be gently persuaded out of the mounting block, and thence to open to accept the errant wire rather than just snapping - being gentle isn't one of my strong areas. You know what I mean ladies? Eh? Eh?* To cap it I dropped the tank retaining plastic screw on things and had to feel trhu the grass until I found them.

    Having got this sorted it didn't solve the no main beam issue so I'm unfortunately going to have to resort to sorting out the couple of wires in the headlight shell that have been subject to melted insulation. Not a big task in itself as I'm just going to hack each end & run a replacement wire along the outside of the harness, thus bypassing the damaged wires. I know when the melt occurred, it was at the end of the first installation run after replacing the engine last time. As I returned from checking the engine ran fine it was just getting to half light & my lights were on. As I turned sharp left at walking pace to get onto my parking spot the headlight blipped out. 'Oh' I thought, 'what's going on there' and turned the bars full left again to see, one small electrical fire later I had a clue... I've checked various lines for continuity and tried a 2nd light relay so the problem has been narrowed down slightly. I've got an afternoon of form filling ahead of me but I'll get to the job later & see what happens.

    Toodle pip!?!

    * it's not easy to get that 'ironic '70s comedy reference used in a post post modern way' across on the internet is it? :D
  7. pjcr12

    pjcr12 Stercus accidit

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    "....needed to be gently persuaded out of the mounting block,"

    You've got a mounting block?!...I've never had a mounting block, but I've had many a relay bollox-problem..here's what I do: take off all the lights, and hard-wire in the horn directly off the battery, through the push-button. Yes, I'm aware that this may run counter to accepted airhead practice, but I tend not to have lighting and horn issues and, fortunately, no fires or sizzling thus far... also, in this modern age with nutter cage-drivers, riding without lights enhances that old 'dicing with death' sensation so beloved of real men and their motorcycles....quite frankly, I'm surprised that you of all people don't follow this sage advice. Also, I take note of your reference to the fact that I had not included 'madmen' in my list of human detritus in a posting somewhere above....sorry about that, but I just take it for granted that nutjobs automatically make the grade; I'll adjust my attitude in future. On a more balanced note, and even though I've suggested it before, are you entirely satisfied that your dip/main switch on the handlebar is not forked? If all else fails, bring the bike over here, and we'll get it MOT'd at Mad Dave's....given One-Eyed Dave's bad practice vis-a-vis faulty tyre valves, I'm surprised you're still dealing with the sloppy fuckwit. If I wasn't mood-altered, I'd run the fucker over in my little red van.....

    Anyway...how's the writing coming along? I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting to read some more of your ouevre. While we're waiting, here's a couple more frames of Maudlin Bridge....
  8. pjcr12

    pjcr12 Stercus accidit

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    .....Lizards, ok? What's their main failing? Cold-bloodedness, that what....here's how the secret-weapon works: what you do is, you entice one of the lizard-types to take a ride on the bike (having covered up the ray gun with a cloth, obviously), and then, while they're pootling along unawares, you ride up behind them on your spare airhead, then leap off onto the trailer and zap them with the kelvin (absolute zero) ray, freezing the bastards solid so they crash the bike and shatter themselves into a million little pieces, thus making a contribution to world-peace and harmony.....naturally, this has to be repeated a few thousand times, but I haven't heard of any other bright ideas to deal with the fuckers. It should work ok, but I'm just having a bit of a problem getting that massive ray gun out of my shed, as it's a bit large on one hand, and on the other hand, it's still in cartoon form, but the concept's sound......
  9. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    In the first instance Asstral may be looking for a heater matrix & box? Give me a shout if poss.
  10. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    Well no, I just hung onto the front of it? I have entirely honourable intentions toward Margaret (as I prefer to call her), I just want to car surf her until she can't walk, which she already can't as she is a little red van and therefore the whole thing is simultaneously theoretical/moot and already achieved. Now that's the kind of target I want, something that can't be done but for which the outcome is already achieved & in place. You know what I mean ladies? Eh? Eh?* Well perhaps not.

    Perhaps when I say 'mounting bock' I mean 'pastic bit on the harness what it pugs into, that's attached to the frame with a screw thru its top fange'. But see how many more etters that invoves? It seems ike a waste when we're facing such global shortage of etters. I've run out of L's aready.

    I fully & without reservation respect your views on and investigations into the mainly lightless bike, but however but I KNOW that you fitted a brake light!?! Also, you have one of those (for me) half useful daylight MOTs what requireth that thou doest not ride ye motorbicycle in what we refer to here in the fair county of Fuckingemshire as 'Not Bright'. As it says in our magic book (which is of course truer than any other religions magic books), we have 'Bright', which is when the magic glowing orb of the mystical, little understood and long searched for '100 million and 1 Candle Power Torch of Arthur' traverses the sky during the 'day' as our deity Arthur (pies be upon him) searches his 'Cosmic Cupboard of Crap' for a 'Thing He Needs'; and then we have 'Not Bright', when Arthur (Ben Spies be in front of him) has either found or is looking elsewhere for the 'Thing He Needs'** When it comes to the structure of time & space the above is clearly & demonstrably true, but look at the kind of rubbish some people believe:<object height="344" width="425">

    <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XGK84Poeynk&hl=en_GB&fs=1?rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></object>

    I have continuity from the switch end connections to the tails connected to the hd/light shell connection board. The switch is active & functional. I've other continuities which will take longer than a slice of pizza & a ciggie to remember let alone mention. It'll get sorted. The other thing it's doing is that if I remove the key with lights on & engine running it doesn't stop. DBD had the same symptom going on I recall? I'm sure someone could find me a directly relevant thread on this issue if they really loved me.

    Your delightful Maudlin Bridge ray gun will provide the last link in the revolutionary chain - a long sought infallable means of distinguishing the reptiles from the not reptiles: if the rider remarks 'Ooh, it's a bit chilly bbbrrrr' then they're not, if they shatter like in the movies & whatnot then they must be. This may turn the tide in our imaginary war with the imaginary foe, my imaginary comrade.

    Am scribbling shit, excerpts as and when. I'm more occupied completing the extension to the shedquarters***, being used as a pleasure toy & fixing the heating matrix for a Robin Reliant/Rialto or whatever it actually is... And filling out housing forms & other such overstimulating tasks...
    etc.

    * it's REALLY not easy to get that 'ironic '70s comedy reference used in a post post modern way' across on the internet is it? No, it's not. :D
    ** Arthur Forbid that He might one day rennovate an infinitely scaled loose bearing head race, for our Earth is but a rusty ballbearing in the greater scheme of things. If he ever decides to clear out the 'Great Shed-iverse' within which the Cosmic Cupboard nestles - we'd be fucked!?!?!?
    *** nearly done, though I'm not convinced I'd pass a woodwork exam with it.
  11. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    For the 1st time since the beginning of April I have a flat. Not a hospital, or crashing in someones shed, not sleeping in the woods (either with or without tent), not temporary accomodation which would be taken away at any moment. Not even really a 'home', but a place where I can stay while I sort the rest of my shitty life out. Somewhere that won't be taken away next week. I have landed. In other news I've got regular access to the Shedquarters, and have managed to complete the worlds worst woodwork project by building a roofed extension to the front, and doubling the size. Now, don't get me wrong, it's still a teeny* weeny blip compared to some of the mega sheds I see some of you people have, but to me it's my shed. Frankly, if this place hadn't come up I could have lived in the shed, I've lived in worse. But I got this flat instead. Now all I've got to do is get a few audio/video bits out of storage & start recording an album of cover versions, simply for the pleasure of it... *The inclusion of this word alone will get this thread monitored :-D
  12. tenderfoot

    tenderfoot PRJ

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    Sounds good, a space efficient residence makes so much more sense in these days of excess and waste. It also does away with having to deal with troublesome servants.
    I'll be monitoring the shed and the goings on inside, be warned. Side notes on the flat will be interesting also, but maybe you should spare us some of the "goings on inside" details, most of us are decent folk.
  13. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    Decent folk? What the hell are you doing here then :D

    My servants are hardly ever troublesome these days. I think this is because each year I sacrifice one in front of all the others & this seems to encourage the others toward good behaviour... Happenings in the Shedquarters are mainly based around sorting thru piles of packing cases & disposing of unrequired nonsense & scrap. I think I'll aggregate all the beemer bits & see what can be sold off as a job lot without losing the spare I'll need.
  14. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    Here @ MFM Head Office (yes, I know he says his end is head office but...) I have been mostly getting my bad boxers headlight main beam to work. No, it wasn't the bulb. What'd happened was that the yellow wire which feeds back from the left hand switchgear to the contact board had burned right through halfway down in the aformentioned test ride* short out/electrical fire (small), i.e. all other feeds gave me continuity - that one didn't.

    I was able to eliminate the switch itself as I got continuity through it in the main beam position (having dismanted the unit to get at the wires) so it was working fine. In the end I've simply run a (wrongly non diagram coloured now blue**) wire along the outside of the switchgear loom to replace the dead one, and all seems fine. There are a couple of other wires which have obviously got hot & melted the insulation, but heatshrink tubing & a heat gun solved that just fine. For now. In the process I removed the indicator switch unit & arm & sealed the snipped wires with heatshrink, both thru choice because I don't have indicators, and partly because my frazzed brain couldn't get the insides of the left hand unit back in successfully with the indicator switch mechanism in place, and I'd already pulled the horn switch mounting cradle apart trying to get (what I believe is referred to as) a quart into a pint pot, or the other way round, I'm all metric you know?

    Does any of this make sense?!?, come in houston!?!

    Luckily, what with me having less than half a brane DittybluDude passed by & verified my thinking over the wiring prior to the commencement of hacking, just so I knew I wasn't entirely nuts deep up the wrong bush so to speak, which is a technical term, and as you'll have observed by now is very much a possibility when it comes to the high standards I set my self for my work... Note to self, reconnect the fuel lines to the taps when you've been working under the tank... I didn't try to start it, but I'm so gormless I wouldn't have spotted it (unless that mug of mikless sweet tea had arrived just when it did) because I am a twat.

    'All' I have to do for the MOT is get a white plate illumination light running, as the LEDs in the bottom of my tail light (which is above the plate) have given up the ghost, and as I sealed the unit with supersteel glue to get it properly vibration proof/support the number plate type mounted I can't get in there to investigate. I've got something in a box somewhere that'll do it, and all will be well with the world, or at least the 10 feet surrounding me at any one point in time. Ok, not 'well with the world' as such, but at least not on fire.

    There are lots more mota-sickles on the road round these parts now. It's 'the season' as they call it, & all those (overly) lovely low mileage machines that spend all winter unused are coming out to play. Predictably this leads to a lot of accidents as riders forget they've not ridden since last september and that their R1 they were never good enough to ride anyway is really not very forgiving when it comes to out of practice broadly incapable (compared to the capability of their bike) riders. They're all out in their Power Ranger matching leathers & stuff. Bloody twazzocks :lol3


    * Look back & find it, I can't do everything for you.
    * I didn't have any yellow. DBD tells me all his splices & additions went in blue, I think by my recollection the addition above may have been in blue wire too, but I'm not taking the lift down 3 floors to check - the lift is manufactured by Schindler, wait for it, wait for it, yes, it's Schindlers lift... Was it really worth the edit for that?
  15. Lornce

    Lornce Lost In Place

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    :rofl

    :thumb
  16. Dirtyboydeadly

    Dirtyboydeadly AKA. Shineyboydudley

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    Dan do you have two spare rocker covers i can borrow for my track day.
    Just encase i get over excited and grind through mine or fall off trying??

    Oh and after you sorted through ur spares can I have a look see :rofl
  17. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    I think theres a pair that are mine that might be sitting in the back of the shed, there might also be an MFM pair sitting over in the Western Regional Office? I'll see what I can dig out. When is it you're going?

    If I do get round to getting rid of a pile of bits I'll give you a shout, but of course you'll have to pay twice the going price :evil
  18. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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  19. coastranger

    coastranger Been here awhile

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    thats a nice littel pic, love the 3 pound sledge, every bmw tool box should have one
  20. planktonnn

    planktonnn .also, i am a twat

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    Oh yes, always comes in handy for those delicate tasks :lol3