I have been lurking here for a couple of months, enjoying the great community, the shared knowledge, and the general suckage of everything adventure motorcycling. I have been using two-wheeled transportation to access freedom for much of my life, though it has always been pedal powered. Last Wednesday, I got the call from the dealer that my new (first) motorcycle was ready to be picked up â a shiny, new 2005 KLR 650. It was then that I first noticed the beginnings of a disfiguring facial malady, commonly referred to as a âdumb-ass grin.â My wife even laughed at me as we drove to pick up the bike. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o> So, here I am with Carl the owner of Village Cycle Center in Starkville, MS. Despite my choice of a full-face helmet to hide the jack-o-lantern-like ear-to-ear hole in my face, the seemingly permanent deformity is plainly obvious. The symptoms grow more complex as an unknown force prompts a Tom Cruise âDays of Thunderâ thumbs-up. Where is the AdvRider salute I have been practicing? What a toolâ¦ Here is my first action-riding picture. Doing little circles in the parking lot. This seemingly simple maneuver accomplishes several ends. It assures my wife that I do know at least the basics of keeping a motorcycle up right. Confirms much the same thing to Carl, demonstrating that I can get far enough from the dealership to absolve him of responsibility. Allows me a couple of minutes to get used to the bike, since itâs been about a month since my MSF Basic Riders Course. Yeah, yeah, I remember thisâ¦ just like that Nighthawk I learned onâ¦ yeah, yeah, thatâs the ticket. Couple more circles and everyone is happy. Carl has all his money. My wife wonât start worrying until I ride off and I have a dumb-ass grin, a new bike, and a brain wading through 3 million new input streams processing the new motorcycle.riding function. Instead of a left turn out of the dealers, I take a right. This suggests another malady that may also be common. The left would have been the most direct path back to work. In what will become a recurring event, I subconsciously choose the long way to work. I sense that this will grow worse. I enjoy a nice, low-traffic loop back to the office, only riding for two miles with my right blinker on. It take twenty minutes to get back to the office which taking the short way is about two miles from the shop. Back at work, I pretend to work for the last 45 minutes of the day, though the grinning deformity makes my eyes really squinty â very hard to clearly view work on the computer. Strangely, AdvRider.com isn't affected by my impaired vision. No time for computer problems, I have to (get to) ride the bike home. If I go now, I can beat most of the traffic for my first ride home. I wind my way through the Mississippi State University campus, choosing lower speed, quieter roads for the trip home, allowing more time to become more comfortable with the new bike. About halfway through campus, using an advanced clutching technique, I stall the bike at a stop sign. Crapâ¦Dumbassâ¦push the starter buttonâ¦nothing..:huhâ¦crapâ¦push button againâ¦nadda. The nanoseconds seemingly stretch into hours and probably a thousand cars back up behind me. Crapâ¦:eek1 Problem solving kicks inâ¦why is the high beam indicator light outâ¦crapâ¦why isnât my blinker working anymoreâ¦ Two-thousand more cars behind meâ¦its been at least 10 seconds. Check kill switchâ¦its fine. Turn key off and onâ¦no diceâ¦ WTFâ¦ got to get out of the roadâ¦crapâ¦crapâ¦crapâ¦.15 seconds... What fate awaits our hero? Will this be the end? Tune next time when Noobie Adventure Boy says "WTF...crap...crap...crap!" Watch as our hero duck-walks his bike across two lanes of traffic. More adventure to follow!