Ride Apart: Ten Dumbest Things You can do on a bike... ADD some more

Discussion in 'The Perfect Line and Other Riding Myths' started by DAKEZ, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. dwoodward

    dwoodward Long timer

    Dec 1, 2005
    Pacific NorthWet, Napa Valley North
    While we talk about the fuel valve, we never make students fiddle with the silly thing- we turn it on in the morning and tell them not to worry about it. One day I went to ride a demo and was *almost* back to starting point when bike died. Smug student: "Did you turn the gas on?"

    My KLR, for all it's cheapness, has a petcock that is both vacuum operated AND has an 'off'. I never turned it off because, hey- vacuum operated. Let roomie borrow it. He turned it off. I got two blocks... downhill... when it died. pushed it back home, changed bikes. Later that night- "Duh, you forgot to turn the gas on!"

    You're not complaining, you're bragging about getting to ride the Triumph.

    Many years ago, I made a plan to go riding with buddies on Sunday; then went out and got shit-faced falling-down drunk Saturday. Not far into the ride, I was forced to make a decision- whether to try to puke over, or under, the chinbar of my new $600 helmet. (BLARF- direct hit!) I will never, ever, ride hung over again.
  2. lmychajluk

    lmychajluk Long timer

    Jul 24, 2008
    Meadowlands, NJ (just east of the USA)
    No, mostly just the fact that I felt the need to turn my head...
  3. High Country Herb

    High Country Herb Adventure Connoiseur

    Apr 5, 2011
    Western Sierras
    Man, I need one of those.

    I was in a hurry during lunch, and had to make a quick stop at one the shops in busy downtown. Installed the disc lock on the front wheel, and carried my gear into the store. On my way back out, I was already putting my gear on to save time. Got the bike started just as an opening in traffic appeared. Leaned over, and hard on the throttle, I didn't even make it out of the parallel parking spot (luckily) before the bike threw itself onto the pavement. I picked it up, and acted all non-nonchalant until the cars that witnessed my get-off had made it down the street before I removed the lock.

    My saddlebags and tank panniers saved the bike from damage, but it was still the single most embarrassing motorcycling moment I've had. :shog

    The worst part was that I had left the house that morning thinking about how stupid my wife's bike looked with that fluorescent cable running from the disc lock to the handlebars. :shog:shog
  4. orangebear

    orangebear Long timer

    Aug 12, 2010
    dumfrie scotland
    The green ones are petrol :rofl

    On my r100gs I ran out off fuel and turn the tap to we're reserve should be only to find the taps were rebuild and the on and reserve are the other way round.
  5. MagyarMan

    MagyarMan Long timer

    Dec 8, 2009
    Chicken Necker Side
    Every once in a while I try to scratch my nose through my modular visor. I usually just laugh at myself!
  6. BEEF706

    BEEF706 King of the dumb dab

    Sep 29, 2006
    Rio Rancho NM
    Sooo... dirt bike version. I used to race motocross (quitebadly, but I had a lot of fun) and I got an invitation from a friend to go desert riding. Now this friend not only owns a local dealership, but he and his friends are all also expert level desert racers, so I am nervous as heck. The day before I went over my CR with a fine tooth comb, new plug checked the jetting, rode around till i thought it was perfect and then, OH NO, the shiney gold chain is dirty, I'd better soak that in degreaser!
    Next day I unload my perfectly prepared CR from the truck, ready for action, fired on the first kick, even idled smartly. As I was putting on the last bit of my gear, my buddy comes over and says, "pretty bike, but you aren't gonna get far without a chain" :eek1. I never got invited again. :rofl
  7. xymotic

    xymotic Long timer

    Jun 20, 2008
    Federal Way, WA
    Oh OUCH!
  8. k-moe

    k-moe Long timer

    Jun 27, 2012
    100º W
    In the U.S. the green ones are Diesel.
  9. Y E T I

    Y E T I Unpossible

    Apr 26, 2007
    San Diego
    I've done most of the 10 in the article. :fpalm

    First day of riding on my brand spanking new Yamaha FJ600 that I had just bought. It rained on the way home so I was soaked because I didn't have rain gear. Honked the horn as I pulled up the drive to get everyone to come see my nifty new motorbike. As the family all piles out the back door I pull into the garage and put my foot down. My WET foot. On the slick-as-ice concrete floor. The brand new bike and I hit the deck in a flailing mess. :lol3 :lol3 Dented the tank on my brand new bike. :cry :cry

    Ledaing a group of n00bs on their first dirt ride. Got to a view point and I had them all hold up while I rode a bit up the hill to get a group picture. Where I proceeded to dump the bike trying to turn around. Of course they got pictures of me . . . :baldy


    Riding through Oregon, stopped to take a picture of my bike in front of a dilapidated barn. Failed to judge how step the side slope was. I could "just" keep the bike upright with my tippy toe, but could not otherwise move. I couldn't push it back to the left. I couldn't get enough purchase to keep the bike upright if I leaned to the right. Sat there for about 5 minutes, straining to keep the bike upright and trying to figure out how to get out of the jam. Right as a Harley rider passes by, my leg finally gives out . . .

  10. pretbek

    pretbek Long timer

    Oct 7, 2008
    South East PA
    The one time I did this I was in a full crowded ENCLOSED parking lot, with a stebel horn, while doing a fully committed U-turn I couldn't stop the blaring horn quickly...

    I actually have a solution for the sneezing in a full face helmet. Sorta.
    I grab the chin bar, so I sneeze on the outside of the fingers of my glove. That surface is exposed to much worse conditions than a sneeze anyway.
  11. pretbek

    pretbek Long timer

    Oct 7, 2008
    South East PA
    Oh, one more:

    At the light, front of the line. Light turns green and I quickly notice that I only downshifted to 2nd gear on my approach, so I hastily downshift to first and try to get off the line and out of the way quickly...
    Thanks to a frisky motorcycle with a short wheelbase, I cross the entire intersection doing a wheelie -my first ever- and I need to pull over to bring my heart rate down from 180 bpm.
  12. malott442

    malott442 Slacker

    Apr 30, 2010
    Lakeland, FL
    The first time you four finger the front brake on an enduro on a gravel road, and learn how high you can bounce off of the earth, collarbone first.

    Stalling a bike at a red light because you let the clutch out without hitting the gas. Then subsequently "making up" for the stall by doing a rather nice balance point 20mph wheelie for 50 yards..... in front of an unmarked cop.

    Getting pulled over for doing 32 in a 65 going the wrong way on a highway on a children's dirt bike- doing a wheelie.

    Yeah, I'm a dumbass.
  13. Rick G

    Rick G Ranger Rick

    May 19, 2004
    Euclid, OH
    During the 80,000 miles and 9 years I owned my 1150GS I dropped it more times, mostly in funny ways than I can remember.

    1st drop was the 2nd day of ownership taking it off the center stand after filling up with gas. Fell into the gas pumps in a way it was impossible for me to right by myself. Had to ask a couple of construction guys getting their morning donuts and coffee to help right her. Of course I was BMW geeked out in full Savana suit and flip up Schuberth helmet.

    Then there was the time at the Georgia Mountain Rally, after packing up in a fierce downpour. I am soaking wet, and just want to get on the road, again I attempt to take the pig off the centerstand where it plops down, I loose my balance and down she goes into a big puddle.

    Probably the best though was on the way down to BYOB in KY a few years ago. We got a late start and were tired and hungry when we pulled into a Motel in Ashland Ky. Went to register, got our keys and then jumped back on the bike to pull in front of our room. I pulled into the same space as my buddy Chip so as to not take more parking spaces than needed. I go to put the Big Pig up on the centerstand like I have done a thousand times before, but this time I am tired and didn't give a big enough heave ho and just as I let go of the bike, I realized the stand did not lock into place, the bikes drops back down onto its suspension, gives a bounce as I frantically try to hold her up but she starts to fall away from me, towards Chips TDM850. Anyone who has had one of these pigs, know that as soon as she starts to fall away from you, you are done. She is going down! Anyway Chip was already in the room and did not hear my scream for help as she slowly falls into his bike. I hope beyond hope that his side stand would hold it for a couple of seconds so I could run around to the other side to push my bike off, but as soon as I let go of my bike, his bike then does the slow fall right into a brand new Chevy truck in the next space, his bar end right into the fender leaving a nice big dent! Fortunately his bike did not have any real damagae other than a scratch in his rattle can paint job but that dent in the truck cost me 1000 BUCKS!! Most expensive BYOB trip to date.

    All the drops was one of the reason I finally sold that Pig earlier this year. But I sure do miss her.

    Rick G
  14. Motor7

    Motor7 Been here awhile

    Sep 16, 2013
    East Tennessee
    That used to be the case, but there really is no industry standard anymore. They mix & match the pump handle colors differently at different gas stations. I even saw one place that had a blue handle for diesel....thats supposed to be Kerosene.
    I swear sometimes I think they swap them around for cheap entertainment............"oooooh, look at this guy, staring at the pumps, nono pick the yellow one, now put that one back, stare again, reach for it reach for it....."
  15. henshao

    henshao Bained

    Jun 11, 2013
    The Commonwealth
    Do some extraneous shit that fucks up your usual routine before you ride.

    Take off without realizing your bike is still chained to your car.
  16. shakeybone

    shakeybone Long timer

    Dec 19, 2010
    I am parked in the back of my garage. Bike does not have a kick stand safety switch. Take off and can't figure out why the bike is going to the right. Almost hit the wall. No witnesses.
  17. ptwohig

    ptwohig Adventurer

    Jul 15, 2007
    Almost died laughing did same thing with the brillo pads in an old yamaha as a teenager.
  18. Offcamber

    Offcamber Long timer

    Aug 23, 2010
    New Hampshire
    #3 all to often...

    I have also done this and then realized I haven't put my helmet on...ever try to use a d-ring strap with cold weather gloves on...:rofl
  19. revrandy

    revrandy The Riding Rev.

    Jul 10, 2009
    Montrose, CO
    This weekend out for a ride. Have a car cut me off and I have to stop real quick. Get the bike stopped no problem, except I forgot to put my foot down... so bike falls over at a busy intersection.

    Of course I was wearing my airbag vest at the time and the bike goes over with me tethered to it. No doubt I looked like an even bigger dork, bike on its side, me standing at an angle trying to unhook the vest so I can stand upright.
  20. Gonzoso

    Gonzoso Been here awhile

    Sep 2, 2012
    Pocono Mt.s PA
    Took my KLR in to get the throttle cable replaced under warranty. They had to pull my saddle bags. I should have checked how they tighted the nobs on my HT pannier holding a Pelican 1430. The case fell off at 1 am coming back from visiting my gf at her college. I was doing 60. Heard a noise(through plugs) and the bike leaned left all of the sudden.

    I had to turn around and go back, it was laying in the middle of the road. The guy behind me didn't honk or flash, but fortunately he also didn't hit it. I saw a guy coming and he narrowly avoided it as well.

    I was double checking my camera was in my top case leaving a sweet fly fishing hole after dropping my oakleys into a rushing creek. A bit flustered and sad when I mounted my idling bike my big doofy clown foot hit the shifter into first. The bike launched forward off the stand as it stalled and dropped the bike.