The Ashes ..... 2010 / 11

Discussion in 'Sports' started by slowbike smallpenis, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. slowbike smallpenis

    slowbike smallpenis Tester of Tooheys Old

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2003
    Oddometer:
    19,844
    Location:
    just above Tasmania
    Plenty of truth in that ATTW - I also feel the limited over games have a lot to do with it - Some of the shots were just appalling from The Australian Side - to much money in the IPL perhaps?
    #81
  2. Oscar

    Oscar Curmudgeon

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2002
    Oddometer:
    16,891
    Location:
    Karakariki, New Zealand
    *crickets*
    #82
  3. Phil_Fong

    Phil_Fong Labelled Extremist

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2008
    Oddometer:
    13,567
    Location:
    Land of Schnitzels
    best day evah ! ............ for the Barmy Army :lol3
    #83
  4. A. T. T-W

    A. T. T-W Can't be bothered.

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2004
    Oddometer:
    4,422
    Location:
    Centre of my universe
    Nope. That is today, a few minutes ago. :D

    Three-one and three wins by an innings.

    Not forgetting:

    [​IMG]
    #84
  5. nevgriff64

    nevgriff64 Spelt with 2 ffs Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2005
    Oddometer:
    14,866
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the
    children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical
    answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of
    industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet
    and so the teacher asked him about his father.

    "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
    clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really
    good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them
    sleep with him."

    The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took
    little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

    "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
    embarrassed to say."
    #85
  6. Wildman

    Wildman In my castle

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2007
    Oddometer:
    18,254
    Location:
    The Kingdom of Kent
    :photog
    #86
  7. A. T. T-W

    A. T. T-W Can't be bothered.

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2004
    Oddometer:
    4,422
    Location:
    Centre of my universe
    Even better than the jokes are the ten reasons why, according to Aussie journo Will Swanton, the Poms would lose:

    1 Overrated
    They walked around The Oval after their dominant home summer like they were God's gifts to Wisden. Here's who they really beat. No one. Nuffies and cheats. England clean-swept the worst team on the planet, Bangladesh, and then won three out of four Tests against rotten Pakistan. Now they're portrayed as superstars.

    2 Kevin Pietersen
    He might be growing a moustache for a very good cause but he's still getting around looking like Dirk Diggler out of Boogie Nights. His most recent Test efforts have been the biggest joke. John Buchanan was right with his assessment of Pietersen. Buchanan was panned because the truth hurt. There's more than one 'I' in Kevin Pietersen and it hurts morale.

    3 No top speedster
    Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steve Finn are respectable quicks. But they lack the fear factor. Every truly great attack has someone pushing 150km/h, like Mitchell Johnson does for Australia. None of the touring fast bowlers are frightening. Away from swing and seam-friendly England, that doesn't leave them with much.

    4 Passive captain
    Andrew Strauss has to lead by example because his introverted demeanour doesn't get the blood pumping too much. Only his scores do. He leads with quiet assurance when things are going well. But he comes across as introverted and submissive when things start going pear-shaped.

    5 No superstars
    Pietersen is as good as anyone when he's in the mood, but he hasn't been in the mood for a long time. He couldn't make a hundred against Bangladesh – his 99 was close but no cigar – and Doug Bollinger, Ben Hilfenhaus and Johnson can smell blood. Graeme Swann is the only Englishman to make a world XI right now. England are successful because they know their limitations. Which means there are limitations.

    6 Over-analysis
    They've faced bowling machines with footage of Australian speedsters running in at them – and still didn't want to know about Mitchell Johnson. They've given themselves three weeks in Australia to acclimatise but haven't played on pitches like the monster they'll encounter at the Gabba. Every breath they take is a part of a suffocating plan. There's no freedom, nothing instinctive or adventurous. Paralysis by over-analysis.

    7 No depth
    In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.

    8 Chokers
    This is England we're talking about. Losing is a tradition. Think soccer World Cups. Think Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Think every cricket tour of Australia since 1986-87. They always arrive talking themselves up, vowing they won't wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny, then wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny. They've hired a self-described Yips Doctor – because they need one.

    9 Warm-ups
    Everyone keeps rattling on about England's perfect preparation. They must be having a laugh. A few of them made runs at Adelaide Oval. It's like batting on the Hume Highway. Anyone seen the scorecards? Western Australia rolled England for 223. South Australia dismissed them for 288 on the Hume. And Australia A ripped through their top order in Hobart A yesterday. Perfectly prepared? Piffle.

    10 Scars

    Five of their top six batsmen are the same lot who stumbled and bumbled through the 5-0 loss on England's last trip to Australia. The scarring is deep and real. Jimmy Anderson's memories of Australia are all nightmarish. He averaged 45.16. Broad and Finn are yet to play a Test series in Australia. Hard surfaces jarring bones and muscles, oppressive heat – they won't know what or who has hit them

    As late as December 22, Swanton was popping up on Fox Sports with a further 10 reasons why their victory at Perth would prompt the Aussies to slaughter the Poms, whose morale was obviously shot.

    The whole thing makes for brilliant reading. England have, apparently “stirred the beast”. Their batsmen “need coaching like they’ve never needed it before”. Ricky Ponting is “in his element”. His team “has proved it deserves the unadulterated support of every single person in the country” – indeed, the sheer number and venom of the Australian fans will surely cause the English to fold like a paper hankie in Melbourne. Oh, and England’s four-man bowling unit simply isn’t up to it.


    :rofl
    #87
  8. rallybug

    rallybug Local Yokel

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2002
    Oddometer:
    8,096
    Location:
    North Salt Lake, UT
    [​IMG]

    :evil
    #88
  9. Oscar

    Oscar Curmudgeon

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2002
    Oddometer:
    16,891
    Location:
    Karakariki, New Zealand
    Bump.

    An interesting start...
    #89
  10. wxwax

    wxwax Excited Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2001
    Oddometer:
    82,091
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    Sure sounds like an exciting first Test.
    #90