At around 64,000 miles, my heretofore trusty and extremely beloved K1200RS (Naughty Zoot - and she was very naughty) had developed a habit of drinking her oil. The problem started suddenly on a trip from Flagstaff to San Diego, leaving Flagstaff full of oil and arriving in San Diego with that hollow look in her sight glass. While the trip didn't last nearly as long as the expected 7-8 hours, and we, of course, took the long, curvy way home, Zoot and I had certainly shortened other, longer trips in similar fashion before. After all, she was a BMW. A very hot, sensual BMW with great curves and exceedingly long legs. And stamina. Whoo. Of course, she started up in the morning with no blue smoke evident anywhere. Neither was it to be seen while riding, though the inside of the exhaust, typically a nice ash grey, had a few crannies where some black was building up. She was drinking behind my back and when alone, it appeared. And since I have days where we casually knock down 1,000 to 1,500 miles, this would not do. I've never had to carry any oil, and now she'd be carrying a quart everywhere we went. And she'd be going through much of it every day. It was clear she had developed a drinking problem. Lonely, I looked to the internet to salve my woes. I started an online relationship with another bike. I'm not proud, but there it was. And this one is an incredible sexpot, more lithe, she's much closer to her claimed weight, and incredibly agile in the, umm, corners. Here my internet fling, Double Yellow, posing with her sister Dirty Husky. Notice Dirty Husky's knobbies are showing. Aren't they just a hot pair of bikes? As you can see, it was only a matter of time. What a sexpot! I did the unthinkable and I left Zoot. Her new owner loves her, though last we spoke, he was holding back oil until her pressure light came on. By then, she was out of my life, so I tried to be the good guy and steer her new owner in the right direction to ensure a long and happy relationship. She was, after all, as her maker had made her and it wasn't her fault directly that she had a drinking problem. I can only hoped her new owner listened and didn't try to wean her from oil cold-turkey. My relationship with Double Yellow continued, hot and heavy. I soon found out she was swathed in carbon fiber, she came with skimpy city lids, and she wore a racy set of Ohlins. Even better, she came with regular lids too, enabling her to play the well-heeled in public circumstances. Oooooh man. Before I knew it, she and I had a hot and heavy relationship going. I was going to find out, looking good isn't all that I needed as a man. One day, DoubleYellow brought Dirty Husky along. :eek1 Dirty Husky's tail end was redone by Leo Vance, and with her skidplate and barkbusters, and her long, long travel, she liked it rough. Really rough. I'm going to leave the rest to your imagination. Dirty Husky's one limitiation was stamina, so an IMS 5 gallon tank was sent to help her get into shape for those day long sessions we all dream of. After a slightly more extended converation, and a close look at my financial condition to ensure I could sustain these two in the manner to which they were accustomed, I decided that it was time to make our relationship more meaningful. They were going to come live with me. What follows is my trip to collect these two sensual individuals and bring them down to a life of slavery and drudgery, where all they do is commute back and forth to work. It's a sad story, one no one wants to see a motorcycle live, but these two are living it now, in the shackles of a hard, demanding man, a man who's recently become lost, who works far too much lately to invest in pleasure time with his motorcycles. What a shame. I apologize in advance for the dry approach forthcoming, the lack if worldliness, but this writing style cannot continue and yet allow one to keep one's sanity... Whether the one is thee or me, we shall not know.