as i write this, motorcycles have been at the epicenter of my light force for the better part of 7 years, owned several at a time, rode 20k a year at a minimum in anything from street, off road and track days, worked part time at a shop doing anything from front desk duty to wrenching when it got real busy, more importantly, i think anyone who has met me could very well define me above nothing else as a hard core motorcyclist. Along the way i met my laura, she thought bikes were cool when we met and soon became my trusty pillion, supporter, friend, and ultimately my wife, and though her love for them never grew beyond that pillion seat, she respected and encouraged my love and commitment to them. on may 20th, a day before my birthday and 3 days before lauras bday, i got up early, slipped into my one piece leathers, back protector, race boots and set out solo on a pre bday celebratory ride w a couple friends, my buddy led till lunch and then asked if i wanted to take over lead for the return portion since i wanted to be home at a certain time On account of a formal dinner w friends for both lauras and my bday. An hour into our leg back, my friend who was riding behind said we pulled up to a stop sign in a T intersection of 2 county roads, we stopped, i glanced both ways then as i was inching forward still looking both ways out of nowehere a black suv at a great rate of speed tboned and launched me about 100ft in the air, the suv continuing off the side off the road w my bike under and stopping several hundred feet ahead. severely bruised, w broken rib And with a badly shattered lower leg i layed there on the ground bleeding, coming in and out conciussness for the 30 minutes it took for the medevac extraction out to a trauma center. Here i am, 74 days later, 17 trips into the operating room later from mosly attending to my leg witch i am happy to say still is part of me as it came very close not too, missing my home, my bed, but fuck....missing what my life used to be as nothing will be the same, not because i had this moment of clarity or epifany because i have to be honest it has yet to happen, if it does, but merely because my life will never be the same. Its been and awfull 74 days between the pain, the surgerys, the intubation induced pneumonia, constipation from narcotics.....of feeling like a slab of meat on a bed at the mercy of a nasty, arrogant nurse who seems to wake up on the wrong side of the bed almost every day and who doesnt relinquish on her non carring no matter how many times i say thank you and god bless you....and thought it seems im done w the worst of it im sure theres still and a few awfull more days ahead. Dont get me wrong, im gratefull, not in a blissfull way like people sometimes speak about after traumatic events in their lives, but i am gratefull knowing i still can get lost in lauras eyes, that i can see my parents and that in time, i will get out of this. Laura loves me and has gone thru hell and back over this, she being the great partner ive always made her out to be, ackowledges that as my wife, never wants to see me on a bike ever again, but as a laura the person feels very sad knowing what i must i feel being put at ods between my love for her and my love for them....motorcycles. I honestly dont know if i have the will to ride again, i lay here in bed w a dirty diaper under me waiting for the aide to clean me, its a beautifull day outside and i yern to go riding.....but i honestly cant see myself being in this position again and to go riding is to accept i could be back here again....i also cant see laura going thru hell....again, but man do i love riding. Thanks for reading!