Venting 74 days later....

Discussion in 'Face Plant' started by lulo, Aug 3, 2016.

  1. lulo

    lulo Cochino Aventurero

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    as i write this, motorcycles have been at the epicenter of my light force for the better part of 7 years, owned several at a time, rode 20k a year at a minimum in anything from street, off road and track days, worked part time at a shop doing anything from front desk duty to wrenching when it got real busy, more importantly, i think anyone who has met me could very well define me above nothing else as a hard core motorcyclist.

    Along the way i met my laura, she thought bikes were cool when we met and soon became my trusty pillion, supporter, friend, and ultimately my wife, and though her love for them never grew beyond that pillion seat, she respected and encouraged my love and commitment to them.

    on may 20th, a day before my birthday and 3 days before lauras bday, i got up early, slipped into my one piece leathers, back protector, race boots and set out solo on a pre bday celebratory ride w a couple friends, my buddy led till lunch and then asked if i wanted to take over lead for the return portion since i wanted to be home at a certain time On account of a formal dinner w friends for both lauras and my bday.

    An hour into our leg back, my friend who was riding behind said we pulled up to a stop sign in a T intersection of 2 county roads, we stopped, i glanced both ways then as i was inching forward still looking both ways out of nowehere a black suv at a great rate of speed tboned and launched me about 100ft in the air, the suv continuing off the side off the road w my bike under and stopping several hundred feet ahead.

    severely bruised, w broken rib And with a badly shattered lower leg i layed there on the ground bleeding, coming in and out conciussness for the 30 minutes it took for the medevac extraction out to a trauma center.

    Here i am, 74 days later, 17 trips into the operating room later from mosly attending to my leg witch i am happy to say still is part of me as it came very close not too, missing my home, my bed, but fuck....missing what my life used to be as nothing will be the same, not because i had this moment of clarity or epifany because i have to be honest it has yet to happen, if it does, but merely because my life will never be the same.

    Its been and awfull 74 days between the pain, the surgerys, the intubation induced pneumonia, constipation from narcotics.....of feeling like a slab of meat on a bed at the mercy of a nasty, arrogant nurse who seems to wake up on the wrong side of the bed almost every day and who doesnt relinquish on her non carring no matter how many times i say thank you and god bless you....and thought it seems im done w the worst of it im sure theres still and a few awfull more days ahead.

    Dont get me wrong, im gratefull, not in a blissfull way like people sometimes speak about after traumatic events in their lives, but i am gratefull knowing i still can get lost in lauras eyes, that i can see my parents and that in time, i will get out of this.

    Laura loves me and has gone thru hell and back over this, she being the great partner ive always made her out to be, ackowledges that as my wife, never wants to see me on a bike ever again, but as a laura the person feels very sad knowing what i must i feel being put at ods between my love for her and my love for them....motorcycles.

    I honestly dont know if i have the will to ride again, i lay here in bed w a dirty diaper under me waiting for the aide to clean me, its a beautifull day outside and i yern to go riding.....but i honestly cant see myself being in this position again and to go riding is to accept i could be back here again....i also cant see laura going thru hell....again, but man do i love riding.

    Thanks for reading!
    #1
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  2. John2453

    John2453 Discovering the Northeast

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    Godspeed, fellow rider. You are truly blessed w/ a loving wife and family. Your body will do what it can to heal. Do what you can to heal your mind. You are in my prayers.
    #2
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  3. Dorito

    Dorito Dreamer and Doer

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    I know that 74 days seems like an eternity! But you have probably been alive for a few decades or 10,000 days.

    They say the biggest accomplishment modern medicine has made is entertaining the patient long enough to let the body heal itself. The days of intense days will meld into occasional days of pain, which will subside into activities which lead to pain...and one day mostly a painfree year.

    Focus on the important stuff now...spiritually and following strict PT orders and such. Riding will find you when time is right. You are a survivor.
    #3
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  4. Charlie Gary

    Charlie Gary Been here awhile

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    This is why there are racers who refuse to ride street. That may be how you get what you want and your wife gets what she wants. Have you experienced grief yet? Don't be surprised when you find the need to mourn what's been lost. Stay strong.
    Any idea how fast the SUV driver was going? I have a friend who experienced something similar when he was a teenager. He was driving a convertible Corvair and was hit in the left front fender by a guy doing about 120 mph in an El Camino. There was a dent in the outside of the door where his head hit it. El Camino driver went to prison.
    #4
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  5. lulo

    lulo Cochino Aventurero

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    Thanks for the support, i know in hindsight im being a crybaby wuss compared to many experiences from other riders amd inmates, people going thru harder battles on account of sickness, but this is my pain.

    Re track riding, yes i know, ive done my share of time and its always a possibility though one that brings its own risks regardless....well see in a year when its stimated i will have some form of normal functionalty whatever that may be.

    Don't know exactly how fast the escape was going but it was estimAted at anywhere between 50mph to 60mph, driver stopped, older fellow in his 70's, his statement is that he never saw me, it is unmnown why the car veered off line nor what he was doing at the time, he has been charged w speeding and careless driving.
    #5
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  6. gmk999

    gmk999 ____ as a Rotax

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    Hang in there. You have a tough but doable road ahead. Focus on healing. the rest sorts itself out with time. Good or bad it needs to be in your rearview. Life, Health, Love. They are the only things that you need to bring with you to the future.
    Worry about riding when you are healthy enough to ride.
    It is hard to be a survivor, and even wierd sometimes as there is a lot of hard emotion to it. But it beats the alternative. Glad you are going to make it and sorry for your troubles.
    Keep that girl steady, she sounds like a winner.

    From a fellow survivor.
    #6
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  7. NJ-Brett

    NJ-Brett Brett

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    I have no idea what happened other then someone ran into you.
    Its rough after a bad crash, but before you know it, things will be the new normal and you will move on.
    Its up to you what you do about riding.
    I started riding at about age 12, and made it till 55 before my bad crash (dirt riding).
    Its not a good idea but I still dirt ride and street ride a lot.
    I did change my bike choices, light and smaller in the dirt, lighter and smaller on the street.

    I think group riding increases the risk about 100% over solo (for a number of reasons).
    I think the choice of bike can also increase the risk a lot.

    If you are good enough to ride, and want to, you can always truck a light bike to the dirt and ride around somewhat safely.
    I had a TW200 for a while, its hard to fall on one of those unless you want to...

    Give it 8 to 10 weeks and you may be good to go...
    You could give up the bikes and get a boat, or a sports car, or something...
    #7
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  8. hardwaregrrl

    hardwaregrrl ignore list

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    Hey man, it doesn't have to be more fucked up to be fucked up. It sucks all around and you are a far shit fling from a cry baby. You are a lucky and loved man.....try to stay in the present. You'll heal in time, and you'll figure out your future in time. I've never had anything like that happen to me, so you know a hell of a lot more about healing that most folks. Glad you're alright and pissed off!
    #8
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  9. mceee

    mceee Welcome to the dark side!

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    Prayers for a fast recovery brother, give everything lots of time. Been where you are, and it's not fun!
    #9
  10. Nytebreed

    Nytebreed Need more braaap

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    Wow.
    Heal well, and keep your spirits up.

    Also, remember the same thing could have happened standing on a sidewalk, you just happened to be sitting on a bike.
    #10
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  11. juno

    juno Long timer

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    What has that got to do with anything?

    #11
  12. juno

    juno Long timer

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    @lulo
    Only time will tell. Heal well, physically and emotionally first!
    #12
  13. Skidmarkart

    Skidmarkart Dirty Middle Age Man

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    Ten months in an external fixator here, lots of screws, nearly the whole time on about 100mg Oxy a day. You are right. Your life will not be the same. BUT, you will heal (it will feel like it takes FOREVER when it is happening)... somewhat, and you will resume a normal life... somewhat, and you will go about your day and not remember the pain... sometimes. Just be patient. It takes so long to get a sense of normalcy back. Then one day, almost without realizing it is there, you will have it. The injury will become part of who you are. There are parts you will appreciate, the humility of needing help, the realization that your heath REALLY is the most important thing you have, the appreciation that you are still here. Would I go back and avoid it, given the chance... HELL YES, ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING!?! But we don't have that chance do we?

    It takes a LONG time to get there. Just be patient, the return to a normal life WILL come.

    ...and watch out for the painkillers. It's a real b***h when they take you off. I didn't sleep for three weeks. Make a plan. Do not visit your local freelance urban pharmacologist.

    Also, as soon as you are up for it. Get your a** to PT. Do lots of it as quickly as you can. It makes a HUGE difference.

    Worry about getting back on a bike later. There will always be more to ride.
    #13
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  14. craigincali

    craigincali Just hanging around

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    After my big crash I didn't ride for a year. I missed it everyday. I ended up just doing track days and eventually racing. I no longer rode in the street and I didn't miss street riding at all. IMOP Track riding is MUCH safer.

    I am street riding again (and still track riding) and I have found my happy place.

    Good luck on your recovery. Heal up quick.
    #14
  15. RZRob

    RZRob Long timer

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    I feel your pain, but can't imagine all you must be feeling. I broke my right proximal humerus on my dirt bike last December and while the bone has healed, there's definitely nerve and muscle damage. Now I'm thankful for what I can do, and am definitely more cautious. There's a ton of preoccupied people on the roads these days, so nobody would blame you if you never wanted to ride there again, but the sport is inherently dangerous. You takes your chances every day you get out of bed. Best thing you can do is manage risk. When I was feeling sorry for myself, I just had to read here about everyone that got dealt a worse hand then me and then relatively speaking I felt better - selfish, but better.

    RZ Rob
    #15
  16. Morgan Steele

    Morgan Steele Been here awhile

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    Godspeed to you in your recovery. I wish you peace with whatever decision you make.
    #16
  17. CSI

    CSI Long timer

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    Best wishes on a full recovery.
    #17
  18. NJ-Brett

    NJ-Brett Brett

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    Just that you can control a lot of the risk in riding.


    #18
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  19. lulo

    lulo Cochino Aventurero

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    Thanks to all for your kind words and wishes.

    Today was sorta a good day, coming off the pneumonia from the weekend i felt much better, laura came in and helped me off the robe and into some civilian clothes, then i pushed myself into the wheelchair and spent 4 hours outside in a lovely afternoon and she brought some nice homecooking witch we enjoyed under the shade.

    Mind you, besides the ambucar rides back and forth the hospital, rehab or doctors office, the most i had been outside a hospital seting was 20min, being outside in the patio of the rehab facility really helped my spirits even though i still feel a lot of pressure on my chest.

    As someone mentioned, though it is completly true i could have just as well been hurt standing on a sidewalk, one has to admit, riding a bike is significantly more dangerous than walking.

    Now, though i am religious, i wouldnt consider myself a strong practioner of a faith and its rituals as such, that said, im a strong believer in life karma, in respecting peoples lifes, world and both physical and emotional enviroments around me, and whereas possible, trying to do a good deed as much as possible.

    more importantly i believe that some things are just ment to happen in ones lives and such events cant be avoided because some things that happen, happen as a means to a message in ones lives.

    Life seems to develop as a pre written book w multiple endings that are dependent on personal decisions at the multiple crossroads we will encounter in life, crossroads being this multiple significant life changing moments that happen at random throught our journey,

    Soo, my initial pondering relates more towards that point, becuase maybe the message is i need to stop and think things seriously from here on??

    as a bit of background, besides a couple small lowsides witch i dont count as real off's because i can very discernably tell where i fooped, last year i had my first real off.

    Shortly, while driving thru middle of town, approached a train track intersection w a parallel street road running along it, that road having a stop sign, me on main road w the right of way, teenager driving up parallel road, i slow down as im watching him and covering the brakes, kid stops, turns and looks my way, we connect eyes....i thought, i resume slowly and as im humping the train lines he just pulls out.....at this point im doing 30 but i aint stopping, im ON him, i just counter steer as much as i can cause im lined up dead on to his pass door, i clip his rear fender and over i go the handlebars and onto the road.

    To not make this too long, Im ok, just pissed and bruised, bike eventually totaled cause it just got damaged where it needed too, and here we go, that wasnt my fault, so much so his insurance paid the claim in full w no argument.....now this happens, again not my fault....and crash number 2, so whats number 3 going to be?

    Anyway, im wasted, tired wasted that is, bruised, but today....happy.....time to sleepy and again, thank you for letting me vent.
    #19
  20. takeiteasy_U2

    takeiteasy_U2 Been here awhile

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    Wow. Just take it easy & I hope that you heal real fast. You could have been killed but you made it.
    #20