“If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” - Solo X Country 2014

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by soph9, May 3, 2014.

  1. Ladybug

    Ladybug Bug Sister Supporter

    Joined:
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    17,027
    Location:
    Spokane Valley, WA (the dry side of the mountains)
    Cruizer :cry

    I'm so sorry I wish I had words to help but there are none.

    Take care of yourself and rest when you need too. If you need to cry pull over and do it.

    There are happier times ahead. :thumb
  2. devauxb

    devauxb How do you do that?

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Oddometer:
    31
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    Western NY
    Leslie - from what I can sense from you through your writing, Cruizer had a wonderful life with you and you with him. What an adorable face.

    You are in deep pain not being near him. Perhaps the universe conspired to have you away so that your eternal thoughts and images of him were of a healthy happy companion,.....

    You are dealing with so much now, have a safe trip home and may peace and some ease find you soon.
  3. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Oddometer:
    2,644
    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    from my blog

    Day 25 – My dog Cruizer died.


    I am behind in my posts…and will catch up with Day 22,23 & 24…but felt compelled to at least acknowledge today was the day my dog Cruizer died. Born April 30th, 2004 – June 10th, 2014.


    I was at a Badlands vista when I looked at my phone and there was a message for me to call home. I did and I was shattered to hear that Cruizer was found deceased this morning. More like I was SHOCKED.


    It was sudden after an apparent diagnosis of Addison’s Disease which I am still not certain that is what he had. A necropsy is being done so hopefully I will have a full report. I feel for Taylor & Dave who often care for my dogs when I go away. They found him deceased this morning in my house.


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    April 30 2004 – June 10 2014

    I am trying to get home as soon as I can but have a feeling it will be steady as I can ride. My bike and me will make it home and tonight is my time to grieve for this little fellow that I SOOOO adored. My parents would say “you would think Cruizer thought you had given birth to him, he wants to crawl back inside of you”. That was Cruizer…unconditional love, well, as long I fed him and gave him treats. He was my buddy and would not settle at night until I did. When I was upset he would try to comfort me.



    It is a forever sad day on my X Country 2014 solo trip. I guess the good news is the reason I took this trip? To work out my other loss? My separation?

    I have made progress on that front at least. I am slowly putting back together the shattered life I have experienced the moment Cheryl walked out the door. I have great friends who care about me…I have a great family who put up with me and love me too.



    This trip has provided some healing and as for Cruizer? There is nothing I can do but to accept what has happened.

    I did some side trips today into the Badlands and Blackhills, SD. I slowed it down a bit..maybe Cruizer was telling me something? I rode as far as I could before my body, head and heart gave in. I needed to stop, get a hotel and grieve for tonight. That is what I did…now it’s my time to figure out how I get home, well…not how…but when.

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    Until I can update this blog properly, I thank the virtual world for the many many messages, comments of support and to be honest it’s overwhelming to see such world-wide comfort. I love this blog, I love my FB page and again appreciate all the kind posts and messages public or private.​

    Some of MY absolute favorite pics of Cruizer

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  4. Reddywing

    Reddywing n00b

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2013
    Oddometer:
    6
    Really sorry to hear your puppy has past. When we open our heart to love an animal we all know this day is likely to come all too soon. But the love they can give us is worth the pain of bearing their passing.

    A line from a Lady Antibellum song: "Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all". I think this is all too true.

    Hope you can find some solice on your road trip. We are pulling for you.
  5. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
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    2,644
    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    Despite the day and the bad news...I did manage to have the Badlands Park almost all to myself because I left around 0545 hrs to drive the road and to explore the dirt...here is a sample of the roads out there that also say dry weather driving only....

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  6. K7TNT

    K7TNT Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Oddometer:
    577
    Location:
    N.E. Wyoming
    Very sorry to hear this news about Cruizer. Ride safe stay focused.
  7. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Oddometer:
    2,644
    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    Badlands, SD and Blackhills


    I am not a writer by far, I am a person who uses my blog as away to document my passion for riding and my other passions, my life, home, dogs, work and wildlife. It’s my journal into my life even though I share it with well, the “world” to read. Making new memories? Yep…this will sound funny but I like to stream pics through my Apple TV. I am getting tired of seeing all my trips with my ex other half. I
    am looking forward to actually streaming while listening to my music new pics…pics of trips I take alone versus the past. So, yes…Making new memories as Leslie only.


    I want to try something new. I want to start focusing on my future especially since yesterday June 10th will now be the anniversary of my dog Cruizers death. I spent last night texting my “support” system back home in both directions. West and East. I tried to face time my folks to let them know I was Okay but no answer. I had my sister-in-law call them after I heard the news.


    My parents and I think for the most part have witnessed how Cruizer and I got along. ;-) I received a face time request from a friend/colleague and to my surprise she was in the office where almost my entire team was present. I have not been very present at work over the last 5 months to be honest. That too is something I want to get back, my passion for organ donation and my new role as family support program director/developer.



    I have had a buddy or two all along this trip to remind me to eat and rest. They know who they are and with everyone I feel this trip, my blog, FB and the readers on the ADV Rider forum it’s been a solo trip with many following. I kind of like that, best of both worlds.


    [​IMG]RIP April 30 2004 – June 10 2014



    This was the view where I was when I heard about Cruizer. At least I was thinking wow this is a little like a piece/slice of heaven only to realize that Cruizer was all ready there…


    [​IMG]My view when I learned Cruizer died




    As I head home I been listening to the final chapters of “Ghost Rider”, by Neil Peart. I have an hour left. A truly well written or in my case well audible book that if you have experienced loss and ride a motorcycle, then you could not help to relate to the way he went about trying to heal and mend his broken heart.



    I only wish I could write like Neil. His attention to details about his first cross-country trip to Alaska and beyond was truly amazing. I have taken a bike to many of the places he went to but never paid the same attention. I learned so much about what he saw, what I saw too and listened intently to his details. Was as if I never been to those places when I heard how he described them.


    The most important lesson I am learning from this book is he had it worse than me. Ok, let’s rephrase that because it’s so easy to get caught up in a bit of a grief competition. I heard from a wise teacher there is no rewards for speed when it comes to grief it’s not a competition. Grief belongs to the individual no matter what the loss. I have to remind myself of that because I am after all competitive by nature, stereotypical Type A, need to control my surroundings…well, you get the gist.


    I left on May 17th, 2014 for a ride across the country. I had pre-determined places to stop and tried to meet as many people on the road as I could. I missed many who tried to accommodate my day-to-day route planning, and many of my wants to meet people fell through. I think I may have hurt some feelings by not making a connection and I am sorry for that, I really am but in the end it turned out to be sort of impossible.


    I am going to try from now on leave the name Cheryl out of my posts. The main purpose of my endurance ride was to shed the hurt and pain I suffered and still do to a degree when she left. I need to as a wise woman said to me in Geneva, NY….”put that away”. I am or let’s be honest I am trying for sake of me, my job, the people who care and worry about me.


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    Yesterday, I awoke really early to ride the Badlands National Park before all the cagers (cars) woke up. I succeeded in a big way. I had the park for almost my entire ride and exploration to myself with a few cyclists. Not sure if many know this but the park is open 24 hours a day because it’s used by truckers as a “short cut” and is part of the main highway system out there.
    Badlands National Park is a national park in southwestern South Dakota that protects 242,756 acres of sharply eroded buttes, pinnacles, and spires blended with the largest undisturbed mixed grass prairie in the United States. Wikipedia
    It was a cool, crisp morning, 12.5 C or 54.5 F and the sky was clear, blue a sunny.
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    I went here as a side trip because I was asked to and I am glad I did. I was told maybe I would feel some sort of spiritual connection with the Native American history of the park. Not sure about that part but I did allow myself to slow down and take the rare beauty of this area in.



    I was for the first half of my ride as they say, “stopping to smell the roses”. Perhaps Cruizer was telling me to so I could have the soulful experience most tell me I would before I would hear of those “bad” words, Cruizer has died.
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    The sun was still rising by the time I got into the park. I am certain if you go here, depending on the time of day, sunlight etc, this park would take on a different appearance each time. Without cagers, without the tourist traffic jams I have to say it was magical.



    As a solo rider I have found when I am around large groups of people who do not ride my type of bike, I feel I have nothing in common with them. I get the weirdest questions and I also get Kudos from travelers who wished they were on a bike like mine and my trip. Many men who were driving an RV would say to me in secret, “if I could only ditch the family for a month or two I could be on a trip like you”. I think they mean that in a loving caring way and I know many dream about taking off for a month or more like I do. My response is find a way to make a trip you dream about without hurting anyone’s feelings.


    Trips like this can be seen as egocentric. In my case I am egocentric…I mean I am the one in crisis right? Time to move on from that too…thinking it’s all about me is getting to be annoying not only I am sure to those I talk to most but to me as well. I annoy me. “Pull yourself up” Leslie. You are stronger than you think. I hear this all the time but need to absorb how others see me. “You suck at taking compliments”. I think many of us do. All good observations, all ones I will pay more attention to as I move forward into my “new normal”.


    [​IMG]meet Dan



    Jumping ahead for second, meet Dan. I decided at the last-minute and I mean last-minute as I would have missed to exit off I-90 to ride the scenic by way through the Blackhills. A very fine twisty road made for a little speed and lot’s of leaning into curves. I loved it and as for the cars? Well, they were easily passed with a little touch of the throttle so I could ride the curves with little interruption.


    The above picture I met Dan from Kentucky. Riding an old school BMW, forgot to ask what year, that he rebuilt for his adventure. Dan struck me as a bit of a lost soul as I began talking to him. I told him about my dog but nothing about the real reason behind this trip. He began to tell me, because I asked of course what he was doing out and about. Turns out he is unemployed. He used to teach math/sciences to high school kids but realized he does not want to teach. Dan is smart….really smart but is out riding his Beemer to figure his own life direction. I felt for him but found some peace when I found out he feels the same as me about riding.



    Passion or obsession…either way it is better than drinking or drugging.
    We chatted awhile, he then went north I went south only to run into one another heading west on I-90 hours later.



    We rode me in the lead until Wyoming…we just simply waved to one another and I tried to take his picture while riding but I don’t see it on my camera. That sucks. In any case while I turned off at the visitors area he continued west, waved good bye and that was it. I wish him luck in finding himself. That is what he is doing, trying to figure it all out. Amazing how many of us use our bikes as a therapeutic tool. Listen to Ghost Rider, he did. I have an hour left by the way before that book is done.


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    This morning I can say this appeared to be the road less traveled. I pretended it was because like I said most people were still sleeping by the time I packed up to ride. I even saw a few awake, humans that is stretching and yawning as I passed campgrounds.
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    It doesn’t take long to see why this place is one to be visited. It is like a grand canyon of sorts above the land and down below. It’s pretty cool how mother nature continues to erode this area and changing its form slowly each year. Today it was not windy, it was a perfect day to ride.
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    You can see a cyclist in this pic. Probably wondering about. I did not hike the trails, was planning on doing that later on in the park but half way through when I heard about my dog, my focus was on my house sitters, my dog and me.


    If I had longer I would have ridden more of their dirt roads which had signs warning you that these dirt roads were meant to be on only in dry weather. I would imagine they would easily flood. Felt good to ride dirt even for a few hours versus thousands of Km’s. I will take it…this has been a long ride mileage wise. One I could only do in my time by riding asphalt and keeping up some speed.

    I left the pavement, which I am sure many GS riders will be happy to hear for the dirt of the Badlands. “Road is for dry weather only” the signs say. It was dry and perfect weather as far as was concerned. My new tires loved the mud and gravel. Nothing technical but if you weren’t paying attention, look where you want to go kind of thing, you could easily get caught in the HUGE ruts in the mud.

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    I like riding two-track roads. I like going where most cars won’t although these roads most could. In any case I still had these roads to myself and it was quite peaceful. I use the word peaceful a lot these days because I always feel as of late to be in turmoil. One drama after another. Dramatic yeah…that is how I feel I am behaving…so dramatic and overly emotional. Internal conflict I struggle with and need to hear I will be OK with my new life. Life now without Cruizer.

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    The dirt makes every BMW GS bike a happy bike with a rider who also becomes happy too. Again for all the non riders out there. It’s hard to explain the freedom a motorcycle can bring to ones psyche. It’s about feeling where you ride versus being a passive observer. Being part of the climate, the smells and yes the weather is all part of it making even the same ride feel different every time you do it on a bike.


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    Road to no where it seemed but it led to others just like it. I bet you could ride all day back here and not be seen but I had to get back to reality…soon after this little off-road stint I got the news from home and then most everything else became a blur.


    Frantic texting to home about the necropsy, the colour of the urn, do I want a paw print etc. I have had three cats I put down due to illness and never really thought about getting their ashes back or paw prints. But this was easy for me…the answer was yes to everything and I told Taylor and Dave pick the colour of the urn. You loved Cruizer like me.


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    Another challenge for me lies ahead. Keep my head on straight, focus on riding now my woes to get home. Getting home also is creating a little anxiety because everything that has happened since I left I get to see…furniture moved out and now one less dog.



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    It’s tempting to “quit” life and stay on the road but I need to face reality and make sure that this ride was not wasted. That this personal challenge to ride solo across the country can be of some use in my everyday life. We will find out soon enough.


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    My bike turned 24,000 KM’s on this day…# 25. I will get back to days 22-24 at some point but since I was up early, have this ride fresh in my mind, I don’t take notes…I thought get day 25 out there. I will pack up soon…it’s now 0512, have some breakfast and then off I go. Good news…weather for the region over the next few days is actually to be on the cool side. No high 30 C or 90 F. Somewhere between 70-80 or 20′s C. For that I have to be thankful…I am not a great rider in the blaring sun and heat. Cooler weather I could ride forever.


    The Metzler Karoo 3 tires I have on my bike seem to really like the pavement and dirt. But I know the rear won't last as long as my Heidenau's.

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    I needed to get food so instead of really enjoying Wall Drug, the little town I ate and ran. I was so upset that I think I was upseting the tourists. I was crying about my dog and there were too many people around so in and out I went.


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    So, this day I dedicate to my beloved Cruizer and ride with him for him. I never say I love you enough to most humans…so, I do love my human friends and family don’t get me wrong…but the love I felt for Cruizer was different. I have to work hard to hold back my tears right now. can’t ride with puffy eyes. I hope I can compartmentalize today and make some ground. Until next time…thanks for reading…
  8. Berger

    Berger Long timer

    Joined:
    May 26, 2009
    Oddometer:
    1,094
    Location:
    Ottawa, Canada
    Where did you cross back into the US? Much better choice than riding through Winterpeg and Saskatchewan.

    Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk
  9. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Oddometer:
    2,644
    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    Sarnia...then took the ferry across lake Michigan need to get that post up eh?
  10. Berger

    Berger Long timer

    Joined:
    May 26, 2009
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    1,094
    Location:
    Ottawa, Canada
    Nice!

    When I criss crossed, I went into Alberta to visit family and continued through Canada to Ontario. I should have dropped back into the Dakotas....beautiful country.

    Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk
  11. ADVSEEKERNYC

    ADVSEEKERNYC Wannabe racer.

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2014
    Oddometer:
    8
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    Hello good people of ADVGRRL. My name is Mani and I’m also a fan of Leslie’s great blog. When I met up with her a little over a week ago, she asked me if I would guest blog about our Sunday excursion. I said I would give it a shot even though I’m not a great writer. (please excuse my amateur spelling and (grammar!)

    So here after quite a few days late is my take on our ride. My apologies! I tend to procrastinate quite a bit. :(

    Here are a few videos I shot as well.
    iPhone video: http://youtu.be/HFyvuODO-lE
    GoPro video: http://youtu.be/0Gdg29TBpqQ

    I woke up at 6am and finished putting together a few things that I take with me on trips. Leslie mentioned that her chain was feeling really tight and odd so I brought my tool roll in order to adjust it quickly before we head out. The ride out to Stony Brook, NY was a bit chilly but I had my vents open so that made sense. I arrived a bit early and met Leslie with a big hug. She was visiting her parents for a few days before making a u-turn and heading back to B.C. Canada. After chatting a bit and meeting her lovely mom (Who wanted to make sure I wasn’t related to Donald Trump before I visited) who thought is inconceivable that Leslie would want to meet total strangers and go for a day trip. I then went to check the tension on Leslie’s chain and it turned out that it was VERY loose. So I got my tool roll out and started to loosen the main axel bolt. There seemed to be a lot of lock tight or something preventing the bolt to be removed but I think there was a lot of excess chain wax that was making the removal difficult (and I think it was over torqued).


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    Tensioning the chain.

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    Leslie’s childhood friend Dean arrived next with his Harley, I finished with the chain, and we were then ready to go.

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    The 3 bikes.

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    Such a beautiful bike, and I want that front fairing......:D

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    We then headed out with me leading to go get some breakfast.

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    I had done a bit of looking around to see if there were any cool breakfast dives near Stony Brook
    and I found this little diner called The Cook Room in Middle Island.

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    This old diner turned out to be quite cool, the perfect place for the start of a good road trip. As we ate omelets, sausage, toast, and many other delicious eats we all chatted about Leslie’s trip. I was quite fascinated to find out that Leslie was very open with her story and breakup which I think is the first thing you have to be in order to let go of the past and onto a brighter future. She’s been on a hell of a trip so far and it’s great to hear about the cool stories in person.

    We then saddled up and we decided to take Leslie’s GPS route rather than mine since it had us going over ferries. (way cooler!)

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    Along our route we stopped by this roadside beach to take a breather and take a few photos.

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    As we continued our journey we came upon the North Ferry in Greenport, NY that would take us to Shelter Island.

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    We then boarded and made our way to the Island.

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    I always like taking ferries and when traveling by bike it makes it that cooler of a trip.

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    As we arrived in Shelter Island we made our way through the windy roads throughout beautiful
    homes and scenery.

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    Ahh what it must be like to be vacationing here..

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    We then came to the South Ferry and made our way to Sag Harbor. (Leslie got onto me for taking too many photos and not taking in the scenery!)

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    We headed towards East Hampton and Montauk Hwy and saw a procession of quite a few people riding dirt bikes as well as firetrucks and other cars and trucks. Must of been local hero that had passed away.

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    As we headed into Montauk we came across a huge American flag hung from a firetruck latter.

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    We arrived in Montauk which is one of my favorite small towns. It is a wealthy beach town but doesn’t feel like it. No big skyscrapers, no lavish estates, just a quiet awesome little town.

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    We then proceeded to Montauk Point where the iconic lighthouse is.
    After getting robbed paying $8 per bike we parked and made our way to the lighthouse. We could of fit all 3 bikes in one car parking spot but the lady wasn’t having any of our guff.

    Such a beautiful place!:clap

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    We had to purchase another ticket ($9) just to go up to the top of the hill to see the lighthouse!!

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    Leslie knew a boy she grew up with that was lost at sea and his name is on a statue here near the lighthouse.

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    There was a bit of a wait to go into the top of the lighthouse so we decided to skip it but we did tour the little museum.

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    After walking about the lighthouse and all we were getting hungry for lunch so we packed up and headed to this little seafood restaurant I had been to before.

    West Lake Clam & Chowder House is where I had an amazing lobster roll before but they weren’t serving it this time. Must not be lobster season?? So I went with fish and chips, Leslie with a chicken sandwich, and Dean swordfish sandwich (more bacon than swordfish.....)

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    After a quick lunch and Leslie checking in on Facebook and this blog we headed out to more local roads back to Stony Brook. I had mapped out a route from Stony Brook to Montauk but I could’t for some reason reverse my route so I punched in the waypoint and told my GPS to avoid major highways and interstates. It actually turned out to be an amazing ride back! winging roads, huge fields with horses, at one point we drove through a golf course!

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    Spectacular roads!

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    After a bit we stopped and got some ice cream at Carvel to cool off and give us a bit of sugar boost which Leslie needed. (again I think it was $5 for a soft serve cone. Crazy!)


    We then headed back towards Sag Harbor and around the bay back towards Stony Brook. We made great time thanks to the great local roads and skipped the huge traffic jams along Montauk Highway.

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    Once we got back we de-saddled and took another breather. I then met Mr. Sofarelli, Leslie’s dad. He had been looking online at the SPOT page and was seeing that we were getting close! We had a good ol chat about this and that while we downloaded the days photos onto Leslie’s laptop.

    I headed back to Brooklyn and miraculously avoided the traffic with the help with live traffic updates via TomTom app. (I recommend this app for dealing with nasty city traffic!) As I was about a mile or so from home I noticed my left side case was lower than normal. Turns out my lock that secured my case to the bike had broken and my case was about to fall! Luckily I caught it in time and didn’t loose all my cameras and lenses! I had this happen about a month ago and I did lose one of my cases and lost my heated gear.

    Overall it was a great day with great people to ride with! It was lovely meeting Leslie and her parents. Dean was a great addition to the group and was glad he was able to join our ride. Leslie is quite the spunky gal and I think it’s great that she’s doing this trip SOLO and moving forward after a difficult breakup. She’s going to to be even stronger after all of this. I look forward to seeing her latest stories! I can’t believe how often she writes about her experiences and posting so many photos. Here I am quite a few days late and I’m just writing a small blog. I commend you Leslie! :beer

    Travel safe and hope to ride again sometime!


    Mani Trump

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  12. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Oddometer:
    2,644
    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    Mani I am honoured to be your first post! THANKS! That was awesome of you to be my guest blogger/RR. I will have to get this on the blog tonight.

    :clap
  13. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    Keeping with trying to be open minded while in the great magical states of South Dakota and Wyoming I stopped to celebrate Cruizers life.
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    I saw this American flag off rt. 16 about 100 km’s outside the east entrance to Yellowstone. I was surprised to see such a flag that seemed, I don’t know out of place?


    I went down a little dirt road and it seemed to be a flag with memorial rocks at the base. So, for me that was a sign. Leave something for Cruizer and I did. This is unlike me to do something like this but it felt really right and the most appropriate way to release some of my grief and frustration. Frustration because I was not home to be with him.
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    Here are the gps coordinates and a picture of the map where I did this. I had a good day yesterday riding but a bad night.



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    Taking today to play in the dirt with my bike and a virtual face book friend that I ran into by chance in West Yellowstone yesterday. His name is Paul.
    Taking it down a notch for a few hours and then will continue my journey home. More updates coming and pics of some of the sights I have been so grateful to see and experience.
  14. RONZU

    RONZU Adventurer

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2014
    Oddometer:
    11
    Location:
    Weatherford, TX
    Great post, Mani. Next time you take a road trip, be sure to do a Ride Report. We look forward to hearing more from you.
  15. Ladybug

    Ladybug Bug Sister Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2005
    Oddometer:
    17,027
    Location:
    Spokane Valley, WA (the dry side of the mountains)
    Mani, thanks for taking all those pictures and sharing them with us. :clap

    Leslie, that's a nice tribute to Cruiser. :thumb
  16. ADVSEEKERNYC

    ADVSEEKERNYC Wannabe racer.

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2014
    Oddometer:
    8
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    Thanks! I'll try to make this a habit on my next trip!
  17. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Oddometer:
    2,644
    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    can't wait!
  18. Dirty bike

    Dirty bike EricV

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2011
    Oddometer:
    2,259
    Location:
    Tupelo, MS
    Sorry to hear of the loss of Cruizer. He wanted to be with you, now he will always be so. Remember that, he's there, head in the wind, tongue out, with you and enjoying it all. Give him a ride to remember.

    Don't rush home. You'll get there soon enough. For the moment,and it's the moments you live in, you're free and in the wind, like Cruiser. So enjoy that. Enjoy those moments.

    Live.

    Home will come soon enough.
  19. soph9

    soph9 Would Love to ride ALL the TIME

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Oddometer:
    2,644
    Location:
    Stony Brook. NY
    Thanks and this has been a ride to remember on many levels. I need to get home probably 2 days so I can properly grieve the loss of my buddy. The sudden loss. I can't grieve on the road. My head gets messed up. These last few days since he has died has taken pretty much all my energy to get on the bike and ride clear headed and safely.

    I think I'm ready to return home. The initial reason for this trip was to let go of Cheryl the person who broke my heart literally. But now, since the trip I'm doing so much better with that loss. It's cruizer that I'm sickened over having not been home.

    I am sure in time the guilt will fade but the love I had for this beagle was unreal.



    If you see typos it's my phones fault!
  20. Dirty bike

    Dirty bike EricV

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2011
    Oddometer:
    2,259
    Location:
    Tupelo, MS
    I understand about not being able to grieve. So park the bike, make a few days to sit in one place, preferably a place Cruizer would have liked, and grieve.

    It won't be any easier at home. If anything, more confused and cluttered.

    NO Guilt. He couldn't understand your need to escape and find release, to let go of intangible things that are so damned tangible. But he wouldn't care either. All he knows is your love, and that he missed you. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty for not doing anything wrong, just as you wouldn't want him to feel guilty for things he didn't do wrong.

    Distance is a funny thing. At first, it seems so huge. But after you cross so many kilometers or miles, you realize just how small the world is. How small the continent is. Cruizer could run. Run like a beagle would, ears flopping, tongue out, tail wagging and all full of fun as he headed full speed for what ever he was after. Remember the "full of fun" part, because that's how a dog lives, full of fun. So take that lesson and live your life full of fun too.

    He's not there at home waiting for you. What's the rush? Park the bike, absorb the emotion, let yourself grieve. You owe that to Cruizer. You owe that, to yourself.

    Home, in the end, is where your heart is. Right now, in this time, this place, your heart is on the bike, and where your tent is.

    Center. Breathe. Calm.

    The rest will come. Allow yourself that freedom. Cry, yell, howl at the moon. Allow your psyche to vent, purge and most importantly, to heal.