33 1/3 N C S + Cuba

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by Throttlemeister, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. SmilinJoe

    SmilinJoe Been here awhile

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    Glad to see the ride report coming together John!:clap This is some funny stuff!:rofl
  2. Throttlemeister

    Throttlemeister Long timer Super Supporter

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    All hell breaking loose aint' FUNNY Vincent:deal That was a very difficult time in my life! But, I suppose it could have been a little worse, but not much:wink:



    It's getting a whole lot more serious, now moving into defcon 4 status.
  3. bigdon

    bigdon Long timer

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    And Now For the Rest of the Story! :eek1
  4. SS in Vzla.

    SS in Vzla. Totally Normal? I'm not!

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    Ditto :rofl

    Yeah, you really sounded traumatized when you told us the story....

    It sure sounded funny over beers and cigars :lol3 :freaky
  5. Throttlemeister

    Throttlemeister Long timer Super Supporter

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    Yeah I'm jacking around with Vincent:lol3

    I've got to work this evening so I will get to writing this all down once I finish up. I was scared shitless there for a good while:deal
    It does make for a really good drinking story doesn't it:lol3 This one time, in Cuba...

    Story coming soon I promise.
  6. MikeinSA

    MikeinSA The sheep lie Super Supporter

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    Hey John, yea that was me. Glad you're finishing up the report - probably the closest I'll ever get to Cuba. Wish I had your cojones (um, figuratively speaking of course :lol3).
  7. crashmaster

    crashmaster ow, my balls!

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    I gotta tell ya man, when you told that story I was on the edge of my seat and some of your one liners almost made me piss my pants I was laughing so hard. :lol3 If it had happened to me I would have been crapping in my Carharts. Dont leave anything out here OK? :freaky
  8. DirtyDog

    DirtyDog Omnia mea mecum porto Supporter

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    Hola, Johnny. :wave

    Blue Tilapia Oreochromis aureus, AFAIK

    Odd that you caught it on that artificial lure, as they are typically vegetarian. It's an introduced / invasive species.

    Regardless, these are interesting fish... they are mouth-brooders and one of very few fish species that reproduce via oral sex.:deal

    No, I'm not joking.
  9. bigdon

    bigdon Long timer

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    Hey Throttlemiester did you get any of that rain yesterday?
    No I don't know why it is underlining :lol3


    :ddog:ddog:ddog:ddog:augie

    How bout an update.:eek1 I'm on pins and needles here! :wink:
  10. SS in Vzla.

    SS in Vzla. Totally Normal? I'm not!

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    :ddog

    No you may not take time off the RR to tend the cattle, so get to it :lol3
  11. Throttlemeister

    Throttlemeister Long timer Super Supporter

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    Hmmm, interesting to know I am able to attract vegitarian oral sex lovers with my bait:lol3 It was fun to have my fishing pole along and a cheap way to have some fun, it was that fish's lucky day I was on the catch and release program.


    Yes and even a whole lot more than was a near flood in our little town:deal
    Thinks just always seem to work out with the weather after while, just REAL happy it's rained we needed it dearly along with some more.

    I'm sorry I dropped the ball, I had an unexpected old friend from school pass through on her way to MO and I had to entertain and got some every important sleep today during the rain storm. Now headed down to TX to Preston Haun's Memorial Bash here: http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=700132

    I will get back to this when I get back from Texas after the weekend. I think it will be worth the wait:wink:

    I gotta take care of them, they are my bread and butter for travel down South, big sale day coming up soon. I will get this story written down for sure:deal Just have to wait for the weekend:evil
  12. BeachGuy

    BeachGuy Lost in paradise!

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  13. SS in Vzla.

    SS in Vzla. Totally Normal? I'm not!

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    I'm pretty sure THAT is one fish that will never try to get out of the vegetarian diet again :rofl
  14. Wolfgang55

    Wolfgang55 Long timer

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    Ssssssssssssssh, my wife is listening
  15. jthomas82

    jthomas82 Been here awhile

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    Man the wait is killing me! Has to be the worlds longest Cliffhanger?
  16. Dr. Benny

    Dr. Benny Enjoying the Journey

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    +1 - I hope it comes before ALARR... :deal
  17. Throttlemeister

    Throttlemeister Long timer Super Supporter

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    I hated doing that but it takes a good while just to tell the story let alone type it all up. With the rains over the last weeks came lots of work too and I've just been way tired in the evenings to think and type it down.


    I had extra long weekend and didn't get home until late Monday evening and then went to Tuesday Pub Crawl in Tulsa and missed that night. I got my new to me little XR bike in a million pieces down in the shop that I've got to get working on, shocks coming back from Ohlins on Wed and have to fit to the ole 1150 and sometime take off for New Mexico for 1 or 2 days next weekend.

    I need a clone:lol3

    I will try to get at least some typed up before NM and then get the rest up to date before return South.

    Turned out I needed more than this and my bike's papers:eek1
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    I will work on getting this craziness typed up soon!
  18. Throttlemeister

    Throttlemeister Long timer Super Supporter

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    I thought I was dreaming at the time, as there was a bright light along with a calm silence. I wanted to think I was dreaming about a perfect world expecting to see the Swedish Bikini team members coming out of the brightness and lure me in with all that is beautiful, but instead I finally snapped out of it and began to recognized the yellowish/orange color of the inside of my tent that was lit up by something very bright outside. I was in near disbelief as I knew that no one would be using these little used tracks that I navigated to head up into the moutains working my way back Northwest to the autopista and stopping on this turn-out on the downward slope where I was full expecting to rise to a new day with a glourious vista it could have been so nice.

    Before I could even begin to think about what the hell was going on the tent started shaking violentley and and yells in Spanish that I couldn't comprehend but where easy enough to understand that I was in deep shit. In a flash tent door came ripping down and before I could do a single thing I manhandled and drug by my shoulders out of my tent in my long johns; all I could think to do was cover my head with hands and elbows and tensing up thinking how bad this beating was going to hurt getting kicked in the ribs:cry


    The yelling kept coming faster than I could think of what they where after as I was covered up in protection mode and then the yelling switched suddenly from Spanish to my native tongue and I was amazed at what I was hearing. WEAPONS, WEAPONS, WEAPONS over and over again. I yelled NO NO NO HELL NO I DON'T HAVE ANY WEAPONS only saying I have a couple of knives as I layed on the ground still covered up expecting the kicks that never came.


    The next thing that happened as I looked up at my assaliants in the glow of the bright headlights was vigoursly questioned "Why you no go back to Santiago" "Why you no go back to Santiago" still a little confused by what all was happening I started putting it all together and figured these guys must be the Cuban military guard around Gitmo that had come looking for me since I didn't pass back through the eailier checkpoint that I'd been held up at for such a long time yesterday in the late afternoon. I could only thank God that one of the soilders knew some English that made things a few degrees easier than it could have been with me trying to decipher mad Spanish. I went about trying to explain as quickly as I could to my new captors what kind of trip I'm doing at that this is totally normal behavior for me, as I ride this type of terrian and camp in the woods and I was crossing the mountains to get to the autopista on the other side. As the situation of emminent beating never came, I had gotten sat up from my defensive position as I started talking to the officer in charge who spoke the English, I then noticed the four or five other military guys just ransacking my gear especially my tent's screen and one of them taking pictures of everything like a Chinese on vacation, and I started pleading with the officier that I'd do what ever he wanted and asked him as politely and firmly as I dared to please, "Please don't destroy my gear as it was all I had and I described it as all my worldly possessions my "home" and at that I got the first bit of relief since all this madness started, he called off the dogs after I gave him all the knifes I had.

    Now that some conversation could be had, but still with a very upset officier I was instucted as to what was going to happen. I was to be taken into custoday and they where going to take all my gear but I would be allowed to pack my things, disassemble my cot and stuff my sleep bag and pull the tent down and pack it all in. All this happening in the cool very early morning hours. The officier in charge told me to get some pants on and be quick about packing the stuff up. I threw on my dirty riding trousers and a shirt and methodically began derigging my kit all the while be bombarded with questions like: "Are you military?" "Do you know anyone in the military?" "Why you camping in the woods?" "Why you camp so good?" "My answers: No, No, how I save money, and I lied saying "I was a boyscout"

    I got all my belongings loaded up and the entire time I was packing up one of the soliders with the camera was photo doucumented the whole ordeal, I just couldn't believe all what was happening still, my little ride in a Special Place had come to a very unexpected ending.

    Once all the gear was packed they took all my panniers and boxes and loaded them into their little Russian 4x4 Jeep looking things and the officier in charge directed me to one of the jeeps and said that one of his men would be riding out on the bike. Hearing this I got down on my hands and knees and begged the officer to let me ride the bike out of the mountains and I told him I would follow him and that if one of his men were to ride my bike out they would surely break a leg or even be killed trying to ride my very big, heavy, and complicated bike through the very dark night over rough terrian. The begging worked and I was allowed to ride the bike out fully unloaded and instructed to follow him in the lead 4x4 and "Stay 20m behind & No passe" I was relieved to hear this and thanked the officer before asking if we where going to the autopista the closer direction down the moutain. I was replied to with a stern "NO, We will be going back the way you came in!"

    The bike was sprung very heavy not having the added weight of all my gear and was a little tricky getting used to as I began following the jeep back up and over the mountain. I still couldn't believe all this was happening and began thinking about what is going to happen next. One of my main concerns was the garmin with all its waypoints and tracks that I didn't care for them to see and another was my camera and all the photos that I'd taken on the island. The camera wasn't a big problem as the battery was just nearly dead and wouldn't last much longer but the gps was going to take a little work. Initially when I first got back on the bike I turned the gps off as soon as it tried to come on as I didn't want to draw too much attention to it as they had left it with the bike after taking almost everything else that was loose gear and loading it into the 4x4s. As I was following them out I turned on the gps and used the lowest brightness setting and went about turning off the track log display for all the tracks that were set to "show on map" so when they finally looked at the screen they would see my route right off the bat. The waypoints I left up as I didn't know a quick way to hide them without deleting all of them. It took a while because of the riding and me always trying to be sneaking not wanting the vehicle behind or in front to see the display light all while trying not to wreck following the dusty track of the 1st jeep. If there was anything nice about this at all was that for the couple of gates we had to drive through that night the soliders would get the gate for me:lol3 It took a good while to negociate the track out of the moutains and back down towards the South shore. I was getting covered up in dust and since my old visor was so scratched up I had to ride with it raise and it only made it worse. We finally got down to lower elevation and the temperatures had increased some making it a little more bearable in the cold of the night as I never got to put on my proper layers under my riding jacket as was fighting the cold, thank goodness for heated grips.

    When we finally came out to the first paved road I neally fell over from what I saw next. There must have been near a dozen little official patrol cars gathered with their lights on and dozens more of men in uniform at this very early morning hour. All I could think of it that I've screwed up on so many levels here and this is just so unreal! I was ordered off the bike by the Enlish speaker officer and all I could do was just slump over the side of the road, never even taking off my helmet and just sitting down with my legs crossed and my head sinking into my chest all I could think about was how royally screwed I was:cry

    After a few minutes that felt like an hour sitting in my little spot on the display of so many military and police officials at this unholy hour I just felt utterly exhausted and must have looked like hell as my eyes ached with all the dust they injested following the jeep out of the moutains. I've felt very alone in my life before but nothing topped the feeling of utter helplessness that I experienced on that roadside that night in Cuba in the middle of nowhere, I could only wonder what was going to happen next.

    Strangely thoughts of the Famous Cuban Five in US custody came to my head as I thought of the worst possible case first, now Cuba has something to bargain with and maybe I was worth one or two of the five in a trade deal. I still couldn't believe all this crazy stuff was happening. Finally the same officier from before came over to me and told me to remove my helmet and once I got it off he knealt down and asked if I wanted some cafe(coffee). I was most surprised by this offer and after looking around at all the witnesses of my predicament noticed that many where standing around having a cup too. I galdly accepted his offer and before he could take off to get it I stopped him with my question, "Are you taking me to prison?" which was followed by his firm reply,

    "No, you're going to Immigration."







    More after the Latin Rally, I've got to go to Sipapu on the big gs and it's over 10 hours on the big roads. Lots more to this when I get back. Sorry it's not edited.
  19. WakeDude

    WakeDude Been here awhile

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    Really?! This is how you are leaving us?! What a cliffhanger! Ride safe and have a blast, we will be patiently waiting your return.

    -Alex
  20. bigdon

    bigdon Long timer

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    Thanks TM, Man I hope you make it out alive! :lol3