A ride without a destination

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by wittyusername, Sep 7, 2019.

  1. MYUMPH

    MYUMPH 'Ol Timer Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2009
    Oddometer:
    729
    Location:
    Va
    May you find peace in knowing SHE is no longer suffering. May you also find peace within yourself as you take each step on the AT.
    wittyusername likes this.
  2. CaptCapsize

    CaptCapsize Long timer

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2012
    Oddometer:
    1,532
    Location:
    Corrales, New Mexico
    So sorry for your loss. We keep our loved ones alive in our memories. The AT sounds like a wonderful idea. The mountains and wood have a way of soothing one's soul. Peace.

    I thank you for your writing...you have a gift.
    wittyusername and roadcapDen like this.
  3. Snapper33

    Snapper33 Globetrotter Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Oddometer:
    357
    Location:
    Worldwide, home based in the United States
    Scott, the loss of a close sibling leaves me with few soothing words, as I know the sting. I hope that you and your family find peace for yourselves. Heather is at peace as you know, but you are left with emptiness and sadness that takes time. Stay close to your parents and be well. If you ride again, I hope that you resume this R/R. If you hit the AT, I (and I'm certain others) would love to read about it in one of the ADV forums; probably INMATES is appropriate. If you want/need to reach out for your personal struggles for PTSD, there are a lot of us here to help; you know who we are. Strength and Honor Brother.
  4. wilfred

    wilfred juvenile delinquent Super Supporter Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Oddometer:
    1,236
    Location:
    Hopedale, Massachusetts
    Very sorry for your loss, she will live on in your memories.
    wittyusername likes this.
  5. HPPants

    HPPants Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2011
    Oddometer:
    213
    At a particularly low point one time (nothing on the order of scale you are feeling, I'm quite certain), a close friend told me that choosing NOT to make a decision is most assuredly a choice. You selfishly and rightfully choose to NOT burden yourself with the responsibility and consequences of the decision, whatever it may be. She further advised that indeed, this is a marathon, not a sprint. You will finish and when you do, you will celebrate with those that love you. But not likely today or even tomorrow. So find your pace and settle in.

    Believing that really took a lot of stress off. Look, I'll put this in terms that I think you can appreciate. Whatever this is - it is most assuredly NOT some kind of logistics driven covert operation. Fire the planning chief and dismiss the Ops Plan. The operational period for the NEW plan should end sunset every day. Today objective is to get through today. Find people that you trust and you think might understand and by all means, talk to them. Tell them what you are feeling and try hard to listen to what they tell you. Focus sternly on whatever it takes to get to the sunset. Then close your eyes and rest. Tomorrow the sun will rise in the east. I guarantee it.

    When the pressure feels strong, use others and USE YOUR MOTORCYCLE to vent. ADV rider might be a GREAT way to do both.

    I hope you find what you are looking for. And I'm sorry to read about your sister.
  6. SmilinJoe

    SmilinJoe Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Oddometer:
    321
    Location:
    Pryor, OK
    Scott, my heart breaks for you and your family. Keep getting up every morning and put your feet on the floor. Do Not stop doing that. You keep getting dealt these blows, not because God hates you or God doesn't care, it is because you are strong and God knows you can carry it. So keep getting up and planting your feet. Your a Ranger and always will be Scott! Do Not give up my friend. Keep your head up, you were blessed with a wonderful and amazing sister. Be thankful for that. Trials and tribulations is what shapes us, it is what defines us and makes us strong. Never forget that. When you think of your sister, Smile. Do Not frown. You had a wonderful and beautiful sister, so Smile! Stay way from the darkness, get on your feet every morning, stand tall, stay strong and carry on. Be safe my friend.
    wittyusername, FF0758 and 2wingdoc05 like this.
  7. ThruTheDunes

    ThruTheDunes Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2018
    Oddometer:
    232
    Location:
    Northern Commonwealth Outside the 495
    Witty, your post hit me like a ton of bricks, rubbed raw a scab - I lost my kid brother to cancer in February last year, and I still find myself with waves of sadness wafting over me. Of the two of us, he, too, had the tougher breaks in life (besides the cancer). His battle was for about 5 years, feeding tube instead of eating, half his voice was paralyzed so it was a struggle to talk, and still had a fantastic upbeat attitude (he'd say, I woke up on this side of the daisies, so it is already a good day). It is my belief that Keytruda gave him three years he would not have otherwise had.

    He had bought a motorcycle and was planning for the two of us to ride the Dragon over the summer. He never saw the end of winter. You have my sympathies on the loss of your sister.

    And, I really feel for your mom - my mom's biggest fear was that she was going to outlast my brother (she passed away about a year before he did, so she did not have to face that demon).

    I signed on because you had an engaging writing style and it sounded like you were heading out on an interesting trip (both motorcycle and personal), kind of like Brett and his 'I've been everywhere, man' trip report. You have my sympathies on the demise (or long term deferment) of your motorcycle trip, and wish you well on its replacement, whatever it may be (hiking the full AT - wow!).

    I hope you will be able to at least go for a ride from time to time. I find that focusing on the ride is therapeutic because it helps blank out most everything else. Is there gravel in that turn? Once I get around this corner am I going to find someone's cow/horse/pig that has escaped from its pasture/corral/pen? How about a deer or two? Maybe a bunch of those blasted wild turkeys waddling across the road? Or worst of all, a skunk, or the fresh drippings out of the manure spreader. That kind of on-your-toes survival focus riding in rural New England is its own form of short-term escapism. Hoping you can get a little down in your neck of the woods.

    Wishing you all the best.
    wittyusername and 2wingdoc05 like this.
  8. 7t9cbx

    7t9cbx Adventurer

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2019
    Oddometer:
    15
    Location:
    lancaster ky
    Scott ,i only know one way i can help you and that is pray for you ,so I did any will continue to do so
  9. jeffmackvision

    jeffmackvision Boob man Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2011
    Oddometer:
    734
    Location:
    Marietta, Georgia
    Sorry for your loss....Good luck to you and your family
    as a hiker I’m hoping you tackle the AT. It’s awesome. Look forward to following your journal one day.
    https://www.trailjournals.com
    wittyusername likes this.
  10. misterk

    misterk Been here awhile Supporter

    Joined:
    May 30, 2008
    Oddometer:
    693
    Location:
    DFW Texas
    sorry for the loss of your sister. Thank you for taking us along on your ride and sharing your life.
    wittyusername likes this.
  11. crashkorolyk

    crashkorolyk just happy to ride

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2010
    Oddometer:
    246
    Location:
    vancouver island
    Thanks for sharing your R.R. and story,really appreciate the honesty.Although I served for 18 years way back when,was never "in the shit" as we called it back then.Many I served with did,and we lost a few of them over the years.But we also lost more,after they returned home,because they couldn`t deal with normal life anymore.Hopefully others will reflex like I have,after reading your narrative.Stay safe and good luck in your future adventures.
    wittyusername likes this.
  12. Shekinahglori

    Shekinahglori Loving good weather

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2018
    Oddometer:
    51
    Location:
    Asheville, NC
    Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. And thank you for looking after the sheep.
    I am neither a man not a veteran, but I regularly spend time at Veterans Restoration Quarters, where many successfully complete a 2 year program that gets them into meaningful work and connects them with others who have had similar experiences. Most of the staff are also Veterans and many of them have become friends to my husband and myself. You are right, sir. We must do something for someone else if we are ever to capture wholeness for ourselves.
    May The Lord bless and keep you. May His Countenance shine upon you.
  13. Lightyear68

    Lightyear68 Adventurer

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2018
    Oddometer:
    37
    Location:
    Bel Air, MD
    A friend suggested I read this. Glad I did. There's peace in unity, and you've found many people like you, and who relate to you. I won't go into my stuff, but it's parallel to yours in many ways. My journey back from combat was slow and difficult. Still going on really. Probably always will. My "World" doesn't let me voice a lot of the things your masculinity post cited, but it's spot on. Our journeys and thoughts are exceptionally similar. Sadly, with each passing decade those who feel the same are fewer and fewer. God bless you, brother. And God Bless the future generations.
  14. PilbaraGoat

    PilbaraGoat Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Oddometer:
    738
    Location:
    Tom Price, WA/Bendigo VIC
    Nice read.

    I am no vet, never had the courage. i do have a brother in law who was medically discharged after 16 years on a significant pension...ptsd among other things.

    The wolves and sheep poem sums him up perfectly. He’s talked a few mates off the bridge. He gets on with life, no excuses, no sooking , no shortcuts...he’ll be in a chair soon enough. I bought a block of land next door to him to be around.....he moved. He is not an easy person to be around , awkward, unpredictable, angry. Your description of trying to keep it all together with a veneer of feigned interest also describes him well. Before he got crook he was unbreakable. Always on point. So strong. Almost intimidating in his indefatiguability (?). A presence.

    He is a champion bloke who, without realising it has put a spotlight on my honour and courage and loyalty. I am a better man because i want his respect. That is another service he has done for his country.

    i was low over the weekend...working away from home (a pissy little 3 week “tour” hahahaha In remote construction), my kids are having some trouble, my wife quit her job, my dad is getting crook and mums slipping rapidlybinto dementia....all in all pretty normal life i guess.
    Your report has made a difference to me and has turned my week around.

    Thanks, your effort is appreciated and valuable.

    i like the idea of exploring masculinity. I will re-read....im not sure if you had enough emphasis on love. I believe a man should also be joyful - for he is a Man!
    Shekinahglori and wittyusername like this.
  15. manshoon

    manshoon Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2009
    Oddometer:
    552
    Location:
    Pnw
    Thanks for sharing your ride, and as tough as it is, your loss.
    wittyusername likes this.
  16. wittyusername

    wittyusername This is the spot for my custom title

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2012
    Oddometer:
    220
    Location:
    Unsure
    Who’s ready for a ride report update? Who’s ready to jump back on the merry-go-round of my crazy life and read about some of the cryptic challenges I was navigating? Who’s ready to plug back in and connect with someone who doesn’t connect with anyone? I wrote some cryptic stories in my ride report because I was bound by confidentiality agreements and nonsense legal obligations. My agreements and obligations are void. My muzzle is off. My fingers are itchy. Incoming…fire for effect.


    Why now? Why have I broken my silence now? What inspired me to put my naked thoughts down for all to judge again? I just realized it. What happened today…I took my bike for a ride around the neighborhood to keep the battery alive. It was exhilarating. Like a drop of water on a wilted plant. I was inspired to write after a 10-minute jaunt around the block. Yeah…ridiculous.

    My heart was pounding when I put on my helmet again. I could feel my heart pounding in my neck. The comfort of the isolation from inside my helmet was palpable. It was zen. My fix. My oasis.


    If you’re new to this thread. Welcome. It’s a different kind of ride report. Buckle in because it’s going to be a wild ride.


    Stand by...
  17. steved57

    steved57 Been here awhile Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Oddometer:
    883
    Location:
    East Texas
    Damn dude glad to see this post !!! Yeah get after it we've been waiting :augie
    wittyusername likes this.
  18. Double Apex

    Double Apex Been here awhile Supporter

    Joined:
    May 19, 2017
    Oddometer:
    142
    Location:
    Marietta, Georgia
    Yes!
    So glad to see you posing again Scott.
    wittyusername likes this.
  19. SDR82

    SDR82 Adventurer

    Joined:
    May 16, 2016
    Oddometer:
    55
    Location:
    NL
    yep, still in my watched threads, patiently waiting for an update. Good to see this thread coming back to life.
    wittyusername likes this.
  20. wittyusername

    wittyusername This is the spot for my custom title

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2012
    Oddometer:
    220
    Location:
    Unsure
    Let’s take stroll back in time. It’s September 2019 and I hear a knock on my front door that I’ll never forget. My semi-isolated 2-acre property was not welcoming to strangers. The Process Server ignored the “No Trespassing” signs, the “Beware of Dogs” signs, and she even ignored the barking dogs that are overly protective of their home.


    It was a bright and sunny afternoon. I opened the door, stepped through the threashold and onto the covered porch, then closed the door behind me. I don’t recall what she initially said. All I remember was how strange it was that she didn’t take a step backwards as I took a step onto the porch after I closed the door behind me. I normally don’t allow strangers inside my personal space but I couldn’t back up since I was so close to the door. More importantly, I couldn’t back up due to principal. After all, it was my home...why should I give up ground? She was standing her ground – square shoulders and direct eye contact. It was an interesting body language conversation. From that moment, I knew she was armed and had confidence in her ability to defend herself. I respected her confidence. “What do you want?”


    She handed me a packet of papers that was about an inch thick. Handing that packet to me was the catalyst for my thermonuclear meltdown. It was the final gust of wind to blow away my veneer of calm. It was the spark that started this ADV thread.


    Just when I think things can’t get much more complicated in my life, just when I think I’m completely maxed out with stress, just when I think I have the roadmap to save myself in sight…I answer the door to receive a 1 inch thick stack of papers from the friendliest Process Server on the planet. The packet was another ton of bricks on my shoulders.


    I ask, “What is this?” as I glance over a monster packet of lawyer-speak-nonsense-language. I loose focus on our interesting body language conversation and began to feel adrenaline and rage soar through my veins. A switch was flipped when I realized that I was being sued in a wrongful death case from an incident in 2017.


    She was clearly a professional and trained to deescalate conflict – a necessity of her profession. Instead of answering my question with a direct confrontational answer that would place the 'blame' in her court. She said, “I don’t know, let’s look together.” Clever girl. I knew exactly what she was doing. Even with my rage boiling over, I could still admire her tact, confidence, and situational awareness to put us on the same team.


    Once I was inside the house it took several minutes to fully comprehend the gravity of the new player on the board. I simply didn’t have enough hours in the day to give attention to everything that was crushing down on me. I paced back and forth across the yard while my mind raced with all the new to-do items stacking up. My wife kept her distance because she knew this was going to change everything.


    I eventually found myself out of breath and exhausted from swinging a maul for the past 2 hours. I ripped the callouses off my hands and then kept swinging that maul. See my ADV post #198.


    I needed to release this rage or it’d kill me. Exhausting myself didn’t help. It only made me feel more helpless. The next day I made the decision to create this journal and take a ride without a destination.


    The wrongful death case wasn’t even the most stressful event I was navigating. It was simply the icing on a shit sandwich I was being forced to eat. I couldn’t talk about this wrongful death case until the matter was settled. My lawyer even discouraged me from making this ADV journal public. Can you believe that shit…when I finally found an outlet to save my sanity…I was told to keep quiet. I told my lawyer that I’ve spent my entire adult life doing things that I can’t talk about and there was no way that a dead drug dealer’s scumbag family would keep me from venting and writing about my life.


    “But the family’s lawyer might find something in your journal to use against you.” The entire case was a moot point from my perspective anyway. It was all a bullshit dog and pony show where the family expected the apartment management company to settle. It didn’t matter if I was found liable because I had about $30 in my business account. Even if I was ordered to pay $1,000,000 by the judge, I’d just close my business and wipe the slate clean. That’s entire purpose of an LLC!


    This case wasn’t about making me pay money to the drug dealer’s family. It was about everyone else getting paid to run through the kangaroo court process of suing me. It was disgusting. Multiple lawyers, insurance companies, paralegals, court reporters, secretaries, judges, videographers, etc, etc, etc. Everyone had their hand out and was getting paid...except for me. During my deposition I vented those same exact words to the room – off the record – and during a break. After my rant, Mr. Fancypants has the audacity to draw doodles and spaceships on his legal pad in my line of sight. Embarrassing him was necessary.


    In the future, I hope you’re more respectful to the families you represent when conducting official business Mr. Fancypants Lawyer. Your aggressive demeanor, hostility towards me, and childish antics were a disgrace to the family you represented.


    I wasted days of my life and had to pause a trip of a lifetime just to have the “opportunity to defend myself” for something I wasn’t responsible for. The only satisfaction I received from this ordeal was to make Mr. Fancypants lawyer look like a jackass on the record (See ADV post #141)


    So what happened? What was the case about? Who died? What did they think I was responsible for?


    Remember that security company I owned? We provided overnight roving patrols for apartment communities. We’d spend a few minutes per night patrolling apartment communities then drive to a different apartment community for another patrol. We'd drive around all night conducting roving patrols. Well, A gambling addict resident was dealing drugs inside his apartment that we serviced and was shot and killed during a drug transaction – inside his unit with the door closed. It all occurred before we were even contractually obligated to provide patrols for that community. Not my fault. Common sense couldn’t relieve me from defending myself. I was forced to participate in their circus.


    A high-priced ambulance-chasing law firm who specializes in this exact kind of case saw the incident and decided to play the odds in hopes of getting the drug dealer’s family a payout from the management company. Even the 1-inch thick summons was a cookie cutter summons that they likely just pulled off the shelf when it’s time to sue another security company. It was full of “failures” of my business that my business model isn’t even responsible for.

    Turns out that the killers were arrested a few weeks ago and the case was dropped. The full story is that he was also a gambling addict who sold drugs. I’m sorry that your son was killed…your failures are not my responsibility.

    It's not slander if it's true.

    Oh yeah…this is an ADV thread. I’m going for a ride when it cools off this afternoon. Let’s see what else I can purge.