A ride without a destination

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by wittyusername, Sep 7, 2019.

  1. Motoman66

    Motoman66 Green Rider

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    Hi Scott. Finally went through all you RR. A very good writing indeed as some other Riders mentioned. I am not a US citizen although I can understand your opinion on many topics. PTSD, no matter the circumstances should be given more awareness worldwide. Too many people are affected. Getting back to your friend medical device invention, you might contact the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation in the US or some other Non Profit Medical related organizations in the US or Europe. If you look for private investors, their objective might no be the same as improving Health for the People. Cheers Up and hope to see some pictures of your RR (and motorcycle :clap)as the earth is a beautiful place. Just a Ride to Grand Canyon (and Hick North Rim to South Rim highly helped me to see the world with new eyes ).
    wittyusername likes this.
  2. wittyusername

    wittyusername This is the spot for my custom title

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    Hi SlyByrd,

    I read your reply a few days ago and you've been on my mind ever since. I wanted to reply the instant I read your question but I didn't have time until right now. I, too, often find myself staring at this blank screen while trying to string together my thoughts for everyone to dissect. You're not alone in that regard. This isn't easy. None of it is. I've typed out paragraphs in this journal and then immediately deleted them for whatever reason. It's difficult to type thoughts and expose my weaknesses and vulnerabilities for everyone to pick apart. When you're struggling the hardest, sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to look in a mirror. That's what this journal is...it's a mirror.

    Remember in my initial ADV post when I said, "Some of you might enjoy reading about my unique life. But, mostly this is for me."

    I write with raw emotion the same way Van Gogh used color, style, and form on a canvas. I mix emotion with logic; left and right brain merged to form a clear and beautiful picture into my strange world. Painting this picture of words helps me see myself.

    It's a mirror.

    Here's the magic of writing in a journal...when I sit down to type a story or paint a picture for everyone to read, I was forced to mentally review my actions. It's impossible to type an elegant story with personal thoughts, raw emotions, and surreal events without connecting the "why." Context is the solidifying agent. Why did I do that? Why did I feel that way? What made me react to XYZ the way that I did? Why was said event significant to my life? Writing it down in a story format forced me to look in the mirror. It forced me to connect with myself.

    The perception of yourself is vastly different than the image people see. The 'therapy' doesn't come from ride planning, the pretty pictures, or from describing the beauty found along the journey. The 'therapy' comes from taking a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. The 'therapy', my therapy, came from deciding to do something I've never done before because I needed different results in my life.

    I didn't type the last paragraph in my finale ADV post and then say, "I'm cured!" This is an ongoing process of reflection. If you never ask questions and never look at yourself then you'll never identify your flaws. We all have them. Some are better at hiding them than others. If you never identify your flaws then you'll never change. You can never improve as a human being if you lack the ability for self-reflection. So, you want to know, "did it work?" Did I find a life worth living? Yes sir, I did. I absolutely did.

    I found the avenue to enlightenment by examining my actions. I found the path to peace by sharing my soul with you all.

    It's not a "check the box" and be done with it sort of quest. This is a life long endeavor to be a better human being. This quest to better oneself should be an endeavor for all human beings. The motorcycle trip helped me find the trail head that eventually leads to lasting peace. One doesn't arrive at the destination "Zen" after all possessions are sold, a ride around the country is complete, and 60,000 words are submitted in a journal. The trip, the experience, the journal just turned on the navigation lights to help me identify the trail that leads to Zen. Just like the lights on a runway to help airplanes land.

    Since my trip ended so abruptly and I'm not actively writing - what do I do now for introspection? What's my new "therapy?" How have I used the lessons learned from my Ride Without a Destination to continue my quest for lasting peace? Easy.

    I meditate on the beach after work and watch the sunrise. I continue to lead by example to help those around me be better human beings. I help other people. You'd be surprised the weight of a genuine smile and a calculated conversation has on somebody when you're able to recognize their signs of depression. I set the example for others to follow. I teach. I lead. I ask questions. I lift people up. I've been studying Quantum Mechanics and Vedanta to understand how everything and everybody is connected through energy and electricity. Our realities are defined by our perceptions of the probabilities in the world around us. I turn off my phone, sit on the porch, and watch the trees sway in the wind while I connect with my thoughts. Helping others helps me. I'm also thankful every day for my life and the responsibilities of being a husband. And of course, I always find peace in my garden.

    The sum of each sentence in the above paragraph are trail markers that keep me on the path to Zen. Of course I have ups and downs - doesn't everyone?

    My avenue to peace may not be for everyone. I'm wholeheartedly against medications that dull my mind. I also see no value in talking to a stranger with a PhD who doesn't have a clue who I am or where I come from. I don't fit in anyone's box. And quite frankly, I can't afford it. My process works / worked for me - and it may work for you too. If you desperately need different results, then do something you've never done before.

    I read the calm struggle loud and clear that was permeating through your message to me. The same reason why you were drawn to my ADV thread is the same reason why I spent 1/2 the night typing this reply to you. I get it. I understand what you're seeking and the obstacles in your way. You're not alone. Do what you need to do. Be responsible. Be careful. Be safe. Ride and reflect to help light up the path to Zen.

    Blue skies brother.

    Scott C.


    P.S.

    May I present to you, "Heather's Victory Garden." Named after my sister who passed away last December.

    HVG.jpg

    HVG2.jpg
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  3. SmilinJoe

    SmilinJoe Been here awhile

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    Well said my Brother. You have found those things that bring you back to reality. I can not express my profound happiness for you. Stay focused and keep moving forward. It takes one hell of a Man to open up their soul to strangers. You Scott are that man. Thank you for taking us on your Ride without a Destination. The Destination is you my friend. My you find your Zen. It is out there and I believe you are close. Stat safe. Oh, the garden is amazing!!!
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  4. SlyByrd

    SlyByrd Siksika

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    Scott C.,
    Thank you for the words of encouragement. It's hard for some some of us who're so immersed in the shiz-nit to find the "Zen" state of mind we're looking for. I'll wrestle with my demons and live to work on betterment for another day. I know this journey takes time, and I cant even begin to tell you how much it means to me to read everyone's words of encouragement. It's extremely hard to shake this "alone" feeling, but you all make it easier to understand that as much as I cant shake this alone feeling, I know I have Brothers out there who're more than willing to lend the shoulder to lean on if ever leaning is needed. Holy crap! I think the ringing in my ears is a little less deafening.

    Respectfully,

    SlyByrd
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  5. wittyusername

    wittyusername This is the spot for my custom title

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    Dr. Dude,

    Thank you for your input. I appreciate that your 42 years’ experience within the medical community has given you an authoritarian stance to be the benchmark of credibility for a device that you know nothing about. That’s a bold position and I respect your courage to be the instant voice of doubt after reading 1 paragraph on a free motorcycle journal website. I’m always open to input and constructive criticism. I’ll bet your PhD in physics and mathematics look pretty intimidating hanging on your wall next to your medical degree. What’s your area of expertise? Are you a chiropractor? A dentist? Maybe you’re an obgyn? Chiropractors, dentists, and pussy doctors probably know a lot of calculus too.

    When Ludwig Boltzmann postulated that matter cannot be infinitely divisible into ever smaller pieces, but instead, is made up of basic building blocks called atoms, his scientific peers ridiculed then ostracized him for such an outlandish theory. At the time, Boltzman’s theory was sacrilegious. Boltzmann’s theory about atoms wasn’t proved true until Einstein provided the mathematical equations to vindicate Boltzmann. Unfortunately, Boltzmann’s theory wasn’t proved true until after he took his own life. The ridicule drove him insane because he knew something that others scoffed at.


    No one believed atoms existed until Einstein’s mathematics proved it to be true.

    No one believed that light behaved as a particle AND as a wave until Thomas Young proved it with math.

    No one could fathom the energy stored within uranium until Einstein showed us the math.

    Nothing, not even light, was thought to be able to escape a black hole until Stephen Hawking showed us the math to prove that old theory to be false.


    Before every Earth-shattering scientific discovery, we find mountains of small-minded people who say "it’s impossible." The spiderweb that connects every single scientific discovery is mathematics. Math is the language of the universe. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s impossible. The Earth was flat until is wasn't.

    I don’t recall if your name was mentioned in the clinical trials that already took place in Europe. I looked through a lot of the paperwork and didn’t see Dr. Dude in the references. Did you help with the field trials that took place in Afghanistan too? Maybe you were cc’d in the letter from NATO? Or maybe you’re on the board that’s conducting clinical trials in the US right now? Do you know some inside information about this device? Or are you simply telling us that atoms don't exist, photons only behave as particles, there's no 'energy' stored in uranium, and nothing can escape a black hole? Is the Earth flat too?

    I appreciate your concern and recommendation that I seek “real therapy.” Surely only “real” treatment can come from someone with an MD or PhD after their name. Naturally, any alternative treatments are obviously smoke and mirrors that act solely as a placebo. This New-Age meditation and introspection nonsense is malarkey right? “Hooey…get that boy some meds!” Your smug reply reinforces the disconnect and shows me that you failed to grasp one of the underlying themes of this journal. Your smug reply is the reason why people like me don’t visit people like you.

    You’ll never understand….and that’s ok. This journal landed where it needed to land.
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  6. The Dude

    The Dude Just Love To Ride

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  7. The Dude

    The Dude Just Love To Ride

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    Scott I wish you all the best. May you have a happy and joyful life. You take my words for concern and twist them to fit your response. You have no idea who I am or what I believe in but you have no problem defining me in your response. Again, I wish you all the best and I Thank You for your service.
  8. The Dude

    The Dude Just Love To Ride

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  9. The Dude

    The Dude Just Love To Ride

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    Thank You Smilin Joe AKA Rambo.. for your enlightened response. A true intellectual you are.
  10. Dumphead

    Dumphead Errand boy (sent by grocery clerks) Supporter

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    Hey, was following along early on, but feel like I missed where the ride report is. Could you share a link to it -- I'm not so good at searching these forums.

    Thanks!
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  11. wittyusername

    wittyusername This is the spot for my custom title

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    Yes sir.

    No worries, the ADV format is a little confusing.

    Here’s a link to the first page.

    https://advrider.com/f/threads/a-ride-without-a-destination.1405385/

    I’m also working on putting this into a book. I’ll post an update when it begins to take shape.
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  12. Themastermike

    Themastermike Think you caught me in a coma Supporter

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    And the cats in the cradle with a silver spoon......
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  13. wittyusername

    wittyusername This is the spot for my custom title

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    Likewise. I wish you (and everyone) the best. There’s enough strife in the world.

    That’s the challenge of written words...intentions can be inferred from multiple angles. Your attempt to push a sincere message was a whopping swing and a miss.

    Respectfully, “Don’t be a ticking time bomb” is an absurd statement that I assumed was a push for me to seek “real” help. It was a backhanded euphemism which shows that my journal missed the mark. I’m not a “ticking time bomb”. Nobody is a “ticking time bomb”. That kind of old school mentality is what I tried rewrite within this journal. That kind of thinking is the wedge I tried to remove. In one thoughtless comment, you suggested that my biggest (self-identified) failure was over something you immediately shrugged off as fake, my new outlook therapy was essentially a placebo, and I’m too dangerous to have walking around without being medicated. Swing and a miss, sir.

    Let’s end the discussion here. Your insensitive comments may convince other vets to remain quiet and suffer in silence.
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  14. The Dude

    The Dude Just Love To Ride

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    Sorry Scott letting you frame my comments as insensitive? Why because I was looking to help? Nobody is a ticking time bomb? Old school mentality? hardly. I’m sure you’re aware of how many individuals commit suicide on impulse? I told you your biggest failure was a fake invention? hardly I said I don’t see it. Will gladly step out of this conversation.
  15. Lemos

    Lemos n00b

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    For years I have been a lurker on ADV Rider. I have never signed up because I have never had anything important to say. Today I signed up because I have something important to say.

    I have done five deployments while enlisted. I have seen and done some shit while deployed that nobody should ever have to. That shit fucked me up. I thought it fucked me up for good. I thought that I was damaged goods. I tried to end my life on March 16, 2019. I stood at the edge ready to jump. By the grace of god, an angel in the form of a California Highway Patrolman rolled up and started talking to me. He never told me not to jump, he just told me that I have other choices too. We talked for over an hour with me on the edge. We talked like vulnerable human beings. It was not a cop talking to a stranger, it was a man talking to another man. I began to see a light, I began to see a life ahead of me. I didn’t want to jump anymore. Bawling my eyes out, there I was at my weakest extending my arm for the Trooper to help me up.

    My life has changed so much since March 2019. I am a new man. I know my value. I have a life worth living ahead of me. I am confident, I am secure. I am OK with my past and I look forward to my future. My life has changed thanks to group and individual therapy. Support groups. Being honest with myself and others. Leaving my ego at the door and not being too proud to FEEL feelings. Real feelings, not bullshit defense mechanism ones.

    Let me just say this directly, The Dude is not wrong. He’s spot on. This may be bold but based on my experience Witty Username is a ticking time bomb. If he does not get real help I really believe that he may end up where I was March of 2019. He does not sound far from it. I see a lot of my old self in his writing. And our friend here may not be as lucky as I was. He may not have a caring soul stop and talk to him.

    Semper Fi. Oorah!
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  16. CharlestonADV

    CharlestonADV I do my own stunts. Supporter

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  17. The Dude

    The Dude Just Love To Ride

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    Lemos, Thank You for your words. Thank God that Hwy Patrolman saw you! I’m glad you found new reasons for living. I’m old enough that I’m of the VIet Nam era. Although, I did not serve I lost friends and watched in horror at those that returned, and the mental and emotional anguish they lived with. Some made it and some didn’t. If I know anything it’s those that did required tons of support. I Thank You for your service. I wish you a happy and fulfilling life. Your words here are so important I hope since you’re a fellow soldier of war wittyusername will take heed of them.
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  18. wittyusername

    wittyusername This is the spot for my custom title

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    Well this journal took a turn I wasn't expecting. I'm happy to see dialogue and genuine concern being exchanged. I anticipated submitting the last chapter of this story and then continuing on with my life. Only checking in from time to time to give updates on my future success. Let me clear some things up so this conversation doesn't dominate the ADV ride reports section.

    First, Lemos your input was superb. Thank you for your reply. You identified a need then sought to take control of your life / emotions. I applaud your decisions and wish more vets were as brave as you. You found what works/worked for you. What works for you might not work for everyone.

    Life is a bell curve. Of course, the majority will likely benefit from therapy. Some outliers will not benefit. In no way, shape, or form, am I advocating that therapy is useless for everyone. I hope that isn't what was inferred. How do you know I haven't tried therapy - because I didn't write about it?

    I know myself better than you know me - all of you. There are volumes of unwritten text between these ADV posts. My existence didn't originate on my 1st ADV Rider entry. And my journey didn't end when I parked my bike and typed "The End."

    If I'm telling the room that I'm happier than I've ever been in my life - is that meaningless without a validation stamp from a therapist? If I'm telling the room that the constant frustration and survivor's guilt is a distant memory - is that meaningless without a validation stamp from a therapist? If I'm telling the room that I'm more optimistic about the future than ever before - is that, too, meaningless without a validation stamp from a therapist? Does a therapist need to validate my emotions to verify I'm not a liar? Is my exclamation of content unsatisfactory without a therapist to check the box?

    I can't speak for everyone. I'm sharing my journey. My life. My discoveries.

    If the room is seeking an anecdote to validate I'm not a "ticking time bomb?" How about this...last week the manager where I work was having a meltdown. He's a piss poor manager with a hair trigger for aggression. A Vietnam-era Marine vet. I've been working on coaching him to become a better manager and a better human being for months. He put me in an unsafe situation while utilizing heavy machinery then charged at me while displaying numerous signs that he intended to do me harm. What would a "ticking time bomb" do if someone was yelling, pointing a finger at my face, and questioning my manhood?

    I smiled, turned around, and created distance to let him vent. I was unaffected. I backed away because I understood his anger and his frame of mind. Instead of letting the situation dictate my emotions or reactions, I typed up a detailed summary of events then submitted it to his boss the next day. This wasn't the first time I was put in that same position by my "Time Bomb" manager. However, it was the first time I brought his aggressive actions to light. I recommended that my boss seek therapy for his anger. I explained that I'd like to continue working on his team so I could resume offering advice and leadership guidance. I hope he seeks therapy. I also hope he's able to look in the mirror and connect with himself one day.

    Happiness comes from within. I don't attach happiness to events or possessions. I am in control of my life and in control of my own happiness.
  19. Themastermike

    Themastermike Think you caught me in a coma Supporter

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    Reminds me of a song

    *I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall
    Thinking about everything
    But then again I was thinking about nothing
    And then my mom came in and I didn't even know she was there

    She called my name and I didn't even hear it
    And then she started screaming, 'Mike, Mike'
    And I go, 'What, what's the matter"
    And she goes, 'What's the matter with you"

    I go, 'There's nothing wrong, mom'
    And she goes, 'Don't tell me that, you're on drugs'
    I go, 'No, mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm okay
    I was just thinking you know, why don't you get me a Pepsi'

    And she goes, 'No, you're on drugs
    I go, 'Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking'
    She goes, 'No you're not thinking, you're on drugs
    Normal people don't act that way'

    I go, 'Mom just give me a Pepsi, please'
    All I want is a Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me**
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  20. red bud

    red bud alky w/motorcycle problem Supporter

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