Adventure Rider Fundamentalism: Utah minimalist style

Discussion in 'Ride Reports - Epic Rides' started by Joe Motocross, Sep 5, 2019.

  1. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    Well, just so you know, it's the same old shit we always do. About as fresh and new as another TAT report. However, if you like solid off road riding, sleeping in the dirt, cooking over fire, whiskey drinking and a lot of shit talking you're in the right place.
    K1DUDE, BillUA, breeno and 6 others like this.
  2. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    Oh crap! That looks like almost game over. Tough stuff. We've had crew members have to leave the bikes and walk out only to return a few days later when things dried out to retrieve the bikes. Exactly what we were trying to avoid on this journey.
    yakawars59 likes this.
  3. KLRalph

    KLRalph Because KTMalph sounds funny

    Jul 21, 2006
    California, USA
    (Well, just so you know, it's the same old shit we always do. About as fresh and new as another TAT report. However, if you like solid off road riding, sleeping in the dirt, cooking over fire, whiskey drinking and a lot of shit talking you're in the right place.)

    I'm good with that.
    Franque and Joe Motocross like this.
  4. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    We drop some more elevation and stop to regroup and decide what to do next.
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    While rolling through the next little settlement, we decide to hose off the mud while it’s still wet. It’s easy to do at this point. Once it dries, different story.
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    None of us are “clean bike fanatics”. We actually make fun of “power washer people” who use high pressure after every little ride, forcing water into all their bearings and places it shouldn’t go. However, it’s better we get the mud out which is jammed into the fork protectors, brakes, chains and sprockets. A little lube afterward doesn’t hurt.
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    We climb back out of town. We won’t be going quite as high so no mud.
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    The route is easy. Just smooth ATV trails. Nice cruising and enjoyable but not a whole lot of action. Just a nice way to cover some ground.
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    We drop back down through another small rural community. I liked these Old Crows on the wheel line against the green grass.
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    Next we enter a zone that should provide us a little more adrenaline.
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    We get into some terrain where there are some fun little features to hit.
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    We keep working along the more prominent ridges.
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    bike, Andreja, K1DUDE and 21 others like this.
  5. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    Then we all stop and acknowledge something.
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    A set of hill climbs that looks like the real deal. We’ve never stumbled onto these before but they look similar to a few other sets nearby which we’ve hit.
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    Some sort of force draws us in that direction.
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    We decide to take a break and eye things up a bit. This is the way it usually goes at places like this. One rider pulls one of the more obvious climbs. The next rider follows suit or perhaps steps it up a notch. This sequence continues until the whole group is going ape shit trying to get up anything in front of them. This is good fun with a whole lot of “WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” happening.
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    So I (not in the photo below) start it off with the easiest climb up the ridge in the far right of the photo. Drey Dog (pictured in the photo) comes at it next taking a little steeper, more direct line.
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    Things are going about as I’d anticipate. The 500cc dirt bikes are pulling us up the hills giving us a good thrill.
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    As the order should be, I take a stab at yet a more aggressive line.
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    But things start going south for me as a mid slope step-up I didn’t anticipate chucks me off my line. I’m in trouble but I try to regain with more throttle and at the same time attempting to keep the front end down and struggle up a different line. I’m putting on a fine show for the spectators below.
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    It doesn’t work out and I put it down. No big deal. I didn’t “loop out” or “high side it” and get thrown down hill. And I’m way above the steepest section.
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    The dust and noise settle and I hear, off in the distance, Blurry Murray mumble to the remaining Council “Well that doesn’t really instill any confidence”.
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  6. liv2day

    liv2day Life is about how you handle Plan B Supporter

    Jan 19, 2016
    Sherwood, Oregon
    :lol3 :lol3 :lol3

    Aren't riding friends the best...LOL.

    Great set of pics @Joe Motocross, looks like a sweet area to play in and test one's hill climbing prowess :ricky. Man, I really love the high desert and all it offers.

    WRT to the pic I posted and that effin' mud - it was game over. Didn't even cover 1/8 of a mile in more than 3 hours of trying (had to use tire irons to get mud out of forks, etc). Camped on the trail with the hope of riding out in the morning, but the weather f*cked us and it started pouring at 0400. Water in the tent by 0900 and we hiked ~5 miles to a ranch to get rescued by one friend who fubar'd his toe badly on day 2. Lived in a hotel until that $hit dried out and we could rescue the bikes 3 days later.

    Looking forward to what comes next, haven't seen any damn shots of you actually cooking over the fire or the wild turfee in the AM. Get with the program man.
    K_N_Fodder and Joe Motocross like this.
  7. fatbikeracer

    fatbikeracer Been here awhile

    Apr 18, 2016
    Warren County, PA, USA
    Power washer people LMAO, you are the first person that agrees with me on this that I have come across.
    ricko1320 and Joe Motocross like this.
  8. Bullseye

    Bullseye Mr. Bad Example Supporter

    Nov 13, 2006
    All these comparisons to LDS-F implies that there's a God involved. From all the chaos I see, perhaps 'Manson Family' is a more apt comparison.
    I'll be riding through Utah next week...
    I'll be the guy at the other pump on a black 990 with a chair strapped to the rear rack... avoiding eye contact. (I don't want any trouble.)
  9. joenuclear

    joenuclear Still here....

    Mar 16, 2007
    Fort Smith, Arkansas
    They're not too aggressive... don't drink the Kool-Aid [or whatever Rev. Jones is calling it.]
    84ceejay likes this.
  10. RedDogAlberta

    RedDogAlberta High Plains Drifter

    Nov 27, 2009
    Edmonton, Alberta
    1stWash 2.jpg

    Power wash people. LOL. My roadbike is ALWAYS spotless and when travelling washed every day. Showroom every morning. :D
    REALGRAVEROBBER and Ginger Beard like this.
  11. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    Oh man, you get it Liv! Exactly what I was talking about.

    I don't think a God needs to be involved to take advantage of the US tax exempt status. Currently researching this. Chairs in plain sight are subject to ridicule but as @joenuclear suggests, it probably wouldn't be considered aggressive ridicule. We're not going to light your chair on fire or anything, at least right away.
  12. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    My failed attempt ends the hill climbing session and we move on. Not exactly the “high five slapping” showdown I was hoping for.
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    The consolation prize is the rest of the 10 mile long ridge ride.
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    The ride can’t be going much better.
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    The single track route has lots of turns and ups and downs. Great 2nd and 3rd gear riding.
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    This is big country in central Utah.
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    The trail is fairly easy for the most part with a few sections to keep you on your toes.
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    It literally stretches along the spine of this little “range feature” for about 10 miles.
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    The spines aren’t all that serious but enough so to make those who don’t like spines a little queasy.
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    We ride over the last little knob on the spine route and drop off of it.
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    The trail crosses a wash and continues on in the valley for a few more miles.
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  13. derblauereiter

    derblauereiter Mostly made of cheese Supporter

    Mar 14, 2016
    Salt Lake City, UT
    I wash my bikes when they’re so muddy it impedes function or when I’m getting ready to sell ‘em, that’s it.
  14. chudzikb

    chudzikb Long timer Supporter

    Jul 17, 2016
    Riding pics, yeah they are great, but, the audience wants glorious pics of meat being cooked around a fire! Adjustafork style, for the win!
    Bullseye and Joe Motocross like this.
  15. DCrider

    DCrider Live from THE Hill

    May 7, 2008
    Washington, DC
    Ha those hill climbs look awesome, reminds me of being a kid in the late 70's in San Diego and trying to follow my Dad and bro on their Yammy MX125s up hills like that on my wound out Suzuki TM75, sometimes I'd make it others I'd have to decide when to bail and hope I had enough momentum to 180 back down the hill at a much faster speed! Also remember watching and smelling those bad ass Elsinores climb steep hills like they were mole hills.
  16. andso77

    andso77 Keep it Twisted

    Apr 26, 2012
    What rear tire are you running Joe?
  17. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    We are nearing the end of the day at this point. We will load up with meat which the Presiding High Council will prepare over the fire on the Adjustaforks for the daily feast!
  18. Joe Motocross

    Joe Motocross - CEO

    May 23, 2007
    We get spit out onto a well graded road which leads us into another small town.
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    The small towns in central Utah are plentiful. This makes Adventure Riding great because there are all sorts of small grocery stores scattered about. Much more so than out in the desert where we spend quite a bit of time. The drooling Presiding High Council stalk around the store and stock up. After some deliberations (and maybe a beer), we figure out which direction to go next.
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    At the grocery store the Council decides to cross the valley and get into some mountains that we don’t visit all that much. The farther south we get, the less the recent storm impacted the terrain so mud isn’t much concern at this point.
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    It’s late in the day by now and we’re just cruising some graded roads to cover a little ground.
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    We’re following a popular marked route which is nostalgic for me since it’s where my first overnight ride took place around 1991. If I had only known at the time how much of a stranglehold this motorcycle touring thing would have on me.
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    We drop some elevation to find a camp where the temps will be warmer than the higher terrain. We are getting off the beaten path.
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    We come into a little late day action on the trail.
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  19. Geraldo Rivera

    Geraldo Rivera Adventurer

    Sep 20, 2019
    Where the story is
    After sniffing around a bit the Council finds their spot and they settle in. They choose their spots dependent on wood and views. It appears they utilize locations perched where they can see any Beluga Class GS riders approaching whom they may have offended back in town. This is another reason they choose locations in remote spots; so the Beluga riders can’t easily access them. They start throwing meat on to what they refer to as the Adjustafork, a collapsible camp fork built by Joe Motocross for crude cooking over fire. Food handling safety is non-existent.
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    They start a fire using gasoline which is an extremely unsafe practice which most people with any common sense are aware of. Blurry Murray stays in his boots and the rest of the group starts poking at him to relax and get out of them. He states there’s no need to do this because he’s a “Minimal Motionalist” and starts to explain this is why he can stay in his boots for the evening. The Council didn’t think this really made that much sense but they can’t remember for sure because of excessive alcohol consumption so we have to go with it. One thing for sure is staying in your boots until bedtime is definitely what they consider ADV-F material and the Presiding High Council applauds him.
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    The moon comes up and starts to shine on them. I have to admit, at this point, if you overlook all the grotesque food handling practices, grime and stench of the Council, nonsense coming out of their drunken mouths, and basic disregard for cleanliness, the setting is surreal.
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    Someone spots this little creature. They think it’s as dangerous as something the size of your pinky fingernail can be. World’s smallest scorpion perhaps. He crawls off somewhere. Probably into one of their sleeping bags.
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    They continue to throw more meat on the Adjustaforks. An easy method for loading the fork is to spear the meat right in the package and then pull off the plastic after it’s on the fork. This is perhaps the closest thing to safe food handling preparations they do.
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    There is a smug air to the Presiding High Council as they sit perched, high, out of reach of any predators.
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    After more conversation about being a “Minimal Motionalist” and a bunch of other nonsense that none of them remember, they get started on what they consider a feast. Chicken, steaks, fresh corn, and a bunch of random vegetable gruel in the cups. It’s enough to make an onlooker sick to his stomach.
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    I do admit from this photo it appears the meat is browning up nicely. Their mouths are watering like wild coyotes that have just taken down a deer.
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    It actually is remarkable that if you didn’t know what went on behind the scenes and this steak was served on a plate at a table, you might not know the difference. A hint of smokiness is actually something that could only be reproduced in the finest restaurants.
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    They start tearing flesh right from the Adjustaforks. The gnawing sounds coming from them are more than most can stomach. The feast is on and more nonsense comes out of their mouths before they pass out under the moon.
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  20. liv2day

    liv2day Life is about how you handle Plan B Supporter

    Jan 19, 2016
    Sherwood, Oregon
    Man, I know this is ADV-F, but I'd love to be out there with my drone capturing footage of that particular section. It provides the perfect backdrop/topography for using a drone and I'm sure the resulting footage would be spectacular.

    As is its, the pictures you post have me drooling...and pretty pissed that my own desert adventure of a couple weeks ago turned into such a $hitshow...LOL. Perhaps we were doomed from the outset because we packed chairs? Something for me to chew on :lol3

    Great set of riding pics @Joe Motocross. I need to get my arse to Utah :ricky
    BCBackRoads likes this.