If you are tearing up heads, you are doing it wrong and you have opposing installation techniques per your pics. The first is near proper as the recessed top portion should be brought up to flush, tightened and then the opposite bottom tightened up to specified torque leaving some gap. The second pic is opposite of what you want. Tighten the top ones no more than 3/4 to 1 turn past snug. Then tighten the bottom ones no more than 1-1/2 to 2 turns past snug. Anything else is too much and will just tear up hardware as you have learned. Good installs to ya!