By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. PhiSig1071

    PhiSig1071 What's ******width?

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    Just remember, this time of year you should always serve your Eggs Benedict on a hubcap.










    Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!
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  2. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Maybe...who nose?..
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  3. grumpyoldbstrd

    grumpyoldbstrd Been here awhile

    Joined:
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    Melbourne, Australia
    An oldie but a goodie.



    Santa is having a hard day at the office. The elves are on a go slow strike and the orders are way behind. The reindeer have come down with foot and mouth. He gets back home, goes to the fridge and Mrs Santa has pinched his last VB. He throws himself down on his favourite chair and tries to switch on the TV, and yes, the TV is not working. Just then the XMAS fairy trips in and gaily asks – “Santa, Santa, where would you like me to put this XMAS tree?”


    And that, boys and girls, is why the XMAS fairy always sits on top of the XMAS tree.
  4. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Why is Christmas just like your job?

    You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.



    The 4 stages of life:

    1. You believe in Santa Claus
    2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
    3. You dress up as Santa Claus
    4. You look like Santa Claus
  5. Mouse

    Mouse I'm only smelly

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    4 stages of a relationship:

    Begins with lust, grows into love, turns into apathy and always ends with money...
  6. Nashcat

    Nashcat Waitin' on the Boatman

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    How to tell if your girlfriend is getting fat?

    She fits in your wife's clothes.
  7. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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  8. gunnabuild1

    gunnabuild1 Long timer

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    Ipswich Queensland
    Marriage is like cards, it starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with Clubs and Spades.
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  9. rvt

    rvt Big Fat Trail Bikes

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    Looks like a fair swap for the Harley.
  10. Oldfatbeerman

    Oldfatbeerman Enroute to a PUB

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    The Bro's from across the ditch in town aye ? :D


    [​IMG]
  11. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Christmas fancy dress party.
    He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg.
    So he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
    A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
    The man is offended that the outfit emphasises his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
    A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:

    Dear Sir,
    Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
    The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.
    So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
    We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
  12. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    [​IMG]
    Mouse, SmittyBlackstone and GMess like this.
  13. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.


    And...



    When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
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  14. grumpyoldbstrd

    grumpyoldbstrd Been here awhile

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    Melbourne, Australia
    A father has a conversation with his son.


    “Son, please don’t make the same mistakes I made.”

    “Oh yeah dad, what were those mistakes?”

    “I didn’t practice birth control.”
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  15. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    Mate's father often said to him when they were having a difference of opinion; "I wish you'd soaked into the sheets along with the rest of your brothers and sisters".
  16. PhiSig1071

    PhiSig1071 What's ******width?

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    In the spirit of the season:

    What's the only Christmas Carol banned at the Insane Asylum?









    "Do you hear what I hear?"
  17. Oldfatbeerman

    Oldfatbeerman Enroute to a PUB

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  18. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Location:
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    All I got for Christmas was a sweater.

    I was really hoping for a screamer or a moaner...
  19. PhiSig1071

    PhiSig1071 What's ******width?

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    It's all shits n giggles til somebody giggles and shits!
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  20. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Free at last, free at last!
    How does an Eskimo get around?


    By icicle....
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