By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. Toejamii

    Toejamii Still Learning

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    Your 5 Minute Chinese Lesson

    1) That's not right ......... Sum Ting Wong
    2) Are you harbouring a fugitive?..... Hu Yu Hai Ding
    3) See me ASAP..........Kum Hia Nao
    5) Small Horse ...........Tai Ni Po Ni
    6) Did you go to the beach? ........Wai Yu So Tan
    7) I bumped into a coffee table ........Ai Bang Mai Ni
    8) I think you need a face lift .......Chin Tu Fat
    9) It's very dark in here .....Wao So Dim
    10) I thought you were on a diet ......Wai Yu Mun Ching?
    11) This is a tow away zone .......No Pah King
    12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ........Wai Yu Kum Nao?
    13) Staying out of sight .........Lei Ying Lo
    14) He's cleaning his automobile ..... Wa Shing Ka
    15) Your body odor is offensive .......Yu Stin Ki Poo
    16) Expression of alarm....Ho Lee Fuk!
    17) You are not nice....Fa King Wan Ka!
  2. firstperigee

    firstperigee Stupid Fucker that's badly confused

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    Bang Chin Ow
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  3. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Why is it so hard to teach a moderator to drive? They keep getting in the back seat.



    Why are moderators so bad at changing light bulbs? They insert the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.
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  4. Mouse

    Mouse I'm only smelly

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    Seeing as we are insulting everyone:

    What is the difference between an intelligent dr650 rider and a tasmanian tiger?



    A Tasmanian tiger has been sighted.
    TheDecepticon, twotyred and Dukehunt like this.
  5. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    I could take that as a personal affront, but its a big word, and I don't know what it means.
  6. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Free at last, free at last!
    I resemble that remark....
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  7. lentil

    lentil King of the Dad Joke and Senior Status Legume Super Moderator

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    B2184011-D39E-4509-8DCE-E8B684A3AB99.jpeg
    Hay Ewe, MacNoob, rvt and 10 others like this.
  8. troy safari carpente

    troy safari carpente Team f5oolery

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    :fpalm :hung

    OMG... he's gone from Dad... to worse...
  9. buckscreek

    buckscreek AUTODIDACTIC

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    Particularly relevant for me today, just about to go into ths Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam
    Oldfatbeerman and lentil like this.
  10. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    A Man was walking past a pet shop one day going to work when a parrot shouts at him "Hey you, ya fat bastard!"

    The Man was angry, but he continued on his way.

    On the way home, he again passed by the pet store and again, the parrot said, "Hey you!! Ya Fat Bastard!"

    Furious, the Man stormed into the shop and threatened to sue the owner.

    The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

    The next day, the man deliberately passed by the shop to test the parrot. "Hey You!!" it said.

    The man goes over and says "What?"

    "You know what!!!... ."
    islandtosh, ts3doug, wyno and 6 others like this.
  11. lentil

    lentil King of the Dad Joke and Senior Status Legume Super Moderator

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    Jealous much?
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  12. Oldfatbeerman

    Oldfatbeerman Enroute to a PUB

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    You have my ear .





    :D
  13. troy safari carpente

    troy safari carpente Team f5oolery

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    Be careful... the curator in that place will talk your ear off... :D
  14. lentil

    lentil King of the Dad Joke and Senior Status Legume Super Moderator

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    My favourite two favourite thing to do at art galleries revolve around thermostat controllers.

    1. I like to stand and look at the thermostat and start talking about it intrinsic value as an art piece a d that I really connect on an emotional level with what the artist was trying to portray etc. As people walk past.
    2. I like to blow into the said thermostat or cover it with my hands to mess with the central control. The ones in the portrait gallery in the UK and Victorian state gallery also create a little readout to track temperature history so they are extra fun because you get to see the results of your work
  15. Toejamii

    Toejamii Still Learning

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    Seeing Australia day is getting closer :-)

    WE, the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

    We are One Nation but we're divided into many States.

    First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand-final day and big horse races.
    Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

    Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

    Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

    South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners, off season carni-folk, and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively re use country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

    Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. Its main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

    The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, cattle stations the size of Europe, Kangaroos, Jackaroos, Emus, Uluru and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

    And there's Queensland. ... While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland as its beautiful one day and perfect the next?? Why he filled it with dickheads remains a complete mystery.

    Oh yes and there's Canberra. The least said the better.

    We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition.

    Not that we're whinging, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants
    We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem ... (So what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide).

    We love sport so much our news readers can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. And our national dress code is short shorts, thongs, and the good old t-shirt!

    We shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

    I am, you are, we are Australian

    Unknown author
  16. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    :imaposer
  17. Toejamii

    Toejamii Still Learning

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    Well what can I say Dave there are few of us that aren't DH but at least we can laugh at ourselves
    And Dave im guessing you worked for the WA government and caught the bus to work :lol3
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  18. Andrew2

    Andrew2 Long timer

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  19. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

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    Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party and the theme is composers.

    Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart".

    Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven".

    As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment.

    As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as?

    Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".


    [​IMG]
  20. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Did he go Chopin?
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