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Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.
Maybe but he'll be bach in a minuet.
When he's composed...
he'll come back as an a flat minor.
Maybe he said “ Get to the Chopin”.
Give me the key and I'll play in any flat..
In WA, it seems a lot of people have been commenting on how they never see nativity scenes at Christmas displays, parades and the like.
A government spokesperson issued a statement saying that this was caused by the severe difficulties in finding three wise men from the East...
... or a virgin in the west.
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject. Now mention Botox and no-one raises an eyebrow.
I'm starting to understand why the Indian govt has just put a 30% levy on imported Lentils...
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear somehow knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
Son: "Dad, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbour’s daughter"
Father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ...
Son: "Dad, I fell in love again & she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbour’s daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son got mad so eventually he went to his mother.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with four girls but apparently I can't date any of them because dad might be their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him...
He's not your father."
Reminds me of the old Johnny Chester song:
Which reminds me of the time that Arnie was asked when he was going to upgrade his computer to Windows 10,
I still love vista baby!
If I was a funeral director, I'd take every chance I could get to tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.
Because if there was ever a zombie apocalypse, it would be ****ing hilarious.
This would confuse them as well...
^ When I did the funeral arrangements for my dad 12 years ago the funeral director told me that that was std practice . He said paying for a flash coffin is stupid because the body will be put into a plain pine box for cremation as the ornate parts of the flash coffins bugger up the kiln with deposits of contaminants and the cremation people will not allow that to happen .
Yeah i use a compress cardboard one for my old boy for the same reason. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way
The last time I visited a cemetery, I saw a group of people following some pall bearers carrying a coffin through the Catholic section & then later saw 'em go through the Jewish section. As I was leaving I saw the group again, this time following the coffin through the protestant section.
I thought, "They've lost the plot..."
You could get deported for gags like that ...
Oh, I see you already have been...
I've always enjoyed working with timber and thought I'd get into the home boat building business....you know...sailing dinghies and the like.....until oldest son said,
"Sounds great Dad but what are you goning to do if sales go through the roof?"