By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. GMess

    GMess Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
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    289
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    Brisbane Inner North-west
    Maybe but he'll be bach in a minuet.
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  2. Big Willy

    Big Willy Gen. Italia

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    Nov 28, 2008
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    5,231
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    Sunshine Coast
    When he's composed...
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  3. Rocking Horse

    Rocking Horse Self funded bludger

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    May 24, 2017
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    963
    Location:
    Somerset, Tasmania
    he'll come back as an a flat minor.
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  4. JBtourer

    JBtourer Long timer

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    Mar 16, 2009
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    2,013
    Location:
    Sydney,NSW,Aus
    Maybe he said “ Get to the Chopin”.
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  5. UncleGra

    UncleGra Road Grime

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    Jan 16, 2008
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    7,109
    Location:
    'neath the Southern Cross
    Give me the key and I'll play in any flat..
    TE
    SmittyBlackstone, Big Willy and GMess like this.
  6. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
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    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    In WA, it seems a lot of people have been commenting on how they never see nativity scenes at Christmas displays, parades and the like.

    A government spokesperson issued a statement saying that this was caused by the severe difficulties in finding three wise men from the East...
    OldDog, Mouse, Bounty1 and 1 other person like this.
  7. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Oct 13, 2009
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    7,225
    Location:
    Free at last, free at last!
    ... or a virgin in the west.
    (tish, boom...)
  8. lentil

    lentil King of the Dad Joke and Senior Status Legume Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
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    13,397
    Location:
    Not Gunnedah
    Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject. Now mention Botox and no-one raises an eyebrow.
  9. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    8,190
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    I'm starting to understand why the Indian govt has just put a 30% levy on imported Lentils...
    rvt, Oldfatbeerman, twotyred and 5 others like this.
  10. mickd

    mickd crash test dummie

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2007
    Oddometer:
    2,548
    Location:
    sunshine coast,australia
    A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

    He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

    "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

    "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

    He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.


    "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.



    "If the bear somehow knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
  11. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
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    8,190
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    Son: "Dad, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"

    Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbour’s daughter"

    Father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."

    The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ...

    Son: "Dad, I fell in love again & she is even hotter!"

    Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbour’s daughter."

    Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister."


    This went on couple of times and the son got mad so eventually he went to his mother.

    Son: "Mum, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with four girls but apparently I can't date any of them because dad might be their father!"

    The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him...
    He's not your father."
  12. Gadget678

    Gadget678 Long timer

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    Aug 12, 2010
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    1,900
    Location:
    Victoria, Australia
    Reminds me of the old Johnny Chester song:
  13. Checkmate3

    Checkmate3 Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2012
    Oddometer:
    530
    Location:
    FNQ
    Which reminds me of the time that Arnie was asked when he was going to upgrade his computer to Windows 10,

    His answer?

    I still love vista baby!


    iddy
  14. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    8,190
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    If I was a funeral director, I'd take every chance I could get to tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.

    Because if there was ever a zombie apocalypse, it would be ****ing hilarious.
  15. drikko

    drikko Long timer

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    Sep 3, 2010
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    Location:
    Brisbane
  16. Oldfatbeerman

    Oldfatbeerman Enroute to a PUB

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2006
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    6,385
    Location:
    Lake Macquarie , NSW, Australia
    ^ When I did the funeral arrangements for my dad 12 years ago the funeral director told me that that was std practice . He said paying for a flash coffin is stupid because the body will be put into a plain pine box for cremation as the ornate parts of the flash coffins bugger up the kiln with deposits of contaminants and the cremation people will not allow that to happen .
    SmittyBlackstone likes this.
  17. darren70

    darren70 Loud pipes matter

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    Sep 11, 2013
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    3,791
    Location:
    Hunter Valley
    Yeah i use a compress cardboard one for my old boy for the same reason. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way
    Oldfatbeerman likes this.
  18. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward I don't even know where the box is.

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Oddometer:
    8,190
    Location:
    King River, Western Australia
    The last time I visited a cemetery, I saw a group of people following some pall bearers carrying a coffin through the Catholic section & then later saw 'em go through the Jewish section. As I was leaving I saw the group again, this time following the coffin through the protestant section.

    I thought, "They've lost the plot..."
  19. Precis

    Precis Maladroit malcontent

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    Oct 13, 2009
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    7,225
    Location:
    Free at last, free at last!
    You could get deported for gags like that ...
    Oh, I see you already have been...
  20. GMess

    GMess Been here awhile

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2012
    Oddometer:
    289
    Location:
    Brisbane Inner North-west
    I've always enjoyed working with timber and thought I'd get into the home boat building business....you know...sailing dinghies and the like.....until oldest son said,

    "Sounds great Dad but what are you goning to do if sales go through the roof?"
    lentil, SmittyBlackstone and Hay Ewe like this.