By Jove, a new pirate joke

I can tell that a person is judgemental, just by looking at them.

What's grey and sits on the end of your bed taking the piss?






A dialysis machine.

Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…

It’s currently half empty…

How tough are Australians?

The scene is set - a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky.
Three hang-glider pilots are sitting by the campfire, one from Australia, one from Seth Efrika and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous.

The night of tales begins...
Kiven the Kiwi says "I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider there es. Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grebbed the crocodeale and wristled him to du ground and killed em with my beer hends".

Hansie from Seth Efrika who typically can't stand to be bettered said "Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, and a Namibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and beet it's head off ind then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm still here today".

Colin the Australian remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis.

"that is..... centre of an apple, first syllable of latin for arse...

Core-as? (as in asinus?)

My wife has a trophy husband.

Core rect as in rectum