By Jove, a new pirate joke

Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. BOOTLACE

    BOOTLACE Bikie Scum. Supporter

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    Methane Central..(Sth Gippsland)
  2. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    Three things that always tell the truth -

    1. Young Children

    2. Drunks

    3. Yoga pants
  3. gordonmichaellee

    gordonmichaellee Been here awhile

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    Near Byron Bay
    So how do you know how long you used it for? You may have flattened the batteries, only one way to find out!!!

    Cheers Gordo’
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  4. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  5. 1911fan

    1911fan Master of the Obvious Supporter

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    Lewiston, Idaho
    ^^^^ Welcome to the automotive world.
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  6. cobrin

    cobrin Live to Ride - Ride to Live

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    Check?!? what did he check that cost him $200 lol
  7. richo360

    richo360 Long timer

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    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get scr*w#d!
  8. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  9. buckscreek

    buckscreek AUTODIDACTIC

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    Vacy
    ^^^^ me.
  10. numbat

    numbat Been here awhile

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    Northern Rivers NSW OZ
    Me too, although I did manage three ute and trailer trips to the metal recyclers and one to the tip, a bit traumatic and something of a miracle.
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  11. MultiDV8

    MultiDV8 Been here awhile

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    Brisbane Australia
  12. Sfcootz

    Sfcootz McRibbed for her pleasure Super Moderator Super Supporter

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    :lol3

    That's me once I get a shed of my own.

    If my current avatar weren't so awesome that's what I'd have.

    *Downloaded*
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  13. Bluetonguejak

    Bluetonguejak Pretend racer

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  14. Happy Snapper

    Happy Snapper GOMOB.

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    Brisbane, almost heaven!


    Welcome to bracket creep taxation.
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  15. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    A few things to ponder:


    Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

    Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

    If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

    If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

    Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

    Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

    Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

    Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

    Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

    Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

    Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

    Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

    Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

    If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

    If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

    Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

    How come abbreviated is such a long word?

    Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

    Why do you park in a driveway - but drive on a parkway.

    "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing - not the opposite.
  16. Dave Ward

    Dave Ward Long timer

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    Two blonde models on their first photoshoot are waiting as the photographer gets his equipment ready.

    One model says to the other, “What is he doing now?”
    “He’s getting ready to focus”, she replies.

    To which the first model exclaims, “FOCUS, but he hasn’t even paid us yet!”.
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  17. Bluetonguejak

    Bluetonguejak Pretend racer

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    Ok, a pirate joke (may not be new tho?)

    20190923_132523.jpg
  18. Wodger63

    Wodger63 Long timer

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  19. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    Jim was listening to the radio this morning when the host invited callers to reveal the nicknames they had for their wives.

    The best call was from a brave chap, who called his wife, ‘Harvey Norman’

    The host asked the man ‘Why that name?’

    ‘ Absolutely no interest for 3 years’ the man replied.
    Big Willy, a2zworks and Andrew2 like this.
  20. BergDonk

    BergDonk Old Enough to Know Better

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    upload_2019-9-26_12-8-20.png
    upload_2019-9-26_12-8-57.png
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