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Discussion in 'Australia' started by Pickled Amnesiac, Jul 29, 2006.
That's a fowl comment.
Don't pay any attention. It's all gobbledegook (not sure what a gook is in Cherman)
If you say gullible, really slowly, it sounds like oranges!
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
The wife's been hinting she want's something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Anyone got an owner’s manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!
My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me.
My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason.
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.
Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her make up.
My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.
Queen Elizabeth is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.
She enters a ward full of patients, and notices that they’re all dressed in street clothes and have no obvious sign of injury or illness.
The Queen approaches a patient and greets him. The patient replies:
“My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here,
My heart’s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer.”
The Queen is confused, but smiles and moves on to greet the next patient. The patient responds:
“Some hae meat an’ canna eat, And some wad eat tha’ want it,
But we hae meat an’ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.”
Even more confused, and smiling even more broadly, the Queen moves on to the next patient who immediately begins to chant:
“My love is like a red, red rose that’s newly sprung in June;
My love is like the melody that’s sweetly played in tune.”
Now very confused, the Queen turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, “Is this a psychiatric ward?”
“No, Your Majesty,” replies the doctor.
“This is the serious Burns unit."
I've got a kid in little village in Africa that I'm supporting for less than $1 a day, which is nothing... compared to the cost of sending him there.
A warning to all drivers:
Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas. The Police are out in full force pulling drivers over for a random breath test. A few nights ago I was out for a few Christmas drinks, and as one sometimes does I had a few too many beers and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was very likely over the limit, I left my car where I parked it and took a bus home. Sure enough, on the way, I passed an RBT where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. The Police saw the bus and waved it past. I eventually arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from!?